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In the Midst

23 Monday May 2022

Posted by in Isaiah 45:7, Personal Essays, Studies, Walking in the Way, Writing

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My Dad called them “God’s Calling Cards.”  He meant those instances in our lives that are attributed to coincidence but, when seen through the lens of us living and moving and having our being in Jesus Christ; are recognized as God’s Calling Cards.

I have had these little coincidences on my mind over the last few weeks and was discussing them with a co-worker when I remembered my Dad’s term for them.  I’ve continued to meditate on them and have been looking at them in terms of my study on darkness.

But first, some context for these Calling Cards.  I am now recovering from surgery-less than four years after my last one-to remove yet another tumor.  The particular path I’m on started in 2017 when my Primary Care Physician found a lump in my breast.  No doubt a cyst fueled by hormones but it still needed to be looked at.  I started praying immediately.  I know Jesus bore all my sicknesses and iniquities so of course I was healed.  Except I wasn’t.  I was referred to a specialist who ran tests and said the lump didn’t look right which led to another referral and a biopsy.  I then had to wait for the results of that biopsy and I spent days wondering “what if?”  Would it be benign or did I have the C-word?  I wrote about this in my post Just a Butterfly which I will put in the Featured Posts section in case anyone is interested in reading it.

I didn’t have to have this lump surgically removed but it did seem to be a catalyst for a cascade of tests and procedures culminating in the major surgery in December of 2018.  I had fought for years to avoid it.  I’d tried diet, exercise, prayer…nothing worked.  Once more my concerned PCP referred me to a specialist who was also a surgeon and who ended up removing thirteen fibroids from my abdomen.  It was both a devastating surgery and yet a blessing because I was freed from quite a bit of pain.  I began walking the road to recovery whilst also striving to understand, where was God in all of this?  Where was my healing?  If I’m to expect results when I pray, what results should I be expecting? 

I was sure that surgery in 2018 would be my last.  Then only a year later another growth appeared in a different part of my body.  It also ended up being benign and the procedure to remove it was relatively minor.  Just a snip and a couple days recovery but it did concern me.  This growth could not be attributed to hormone imbalance or endometriosis.  Was my body randomly growing tumors?  What if one grew in my brain?  Was there anything I could do to stop them?

And then, I began experiencing weird pain in my abdomen.  Once more, my concerned PCP sent me for a test then referred me to a specialist who took another test and then went “hmm…that doesn’t look right” and referred me to an Oncologist.  Once more, I’ve had surgery to remove a rather large tumor-or endometrial lesion-and once more I am grateful the growth is benign.  I am again walking the road to recovery but I will say this time it is different.  I do not wonder where God is in all of this: I have seen Him in a series of coincidences.

I intended to discuss my weird pain with my Doctor at an appointment in January of this year but then I contracted the ‘rona and had to postpone.  The earliest I could get was June.  No big deal.  I was sure it was nothing serious.  Then my Doctor’s office called and confirmed my appointment in March.  I didn’t have an appointment in March.  There had to be a cancellation and I had to be penciled in but no one called me to ask if I was available: they called to confirm. The appointment was scheduled for the next day and I had no conflict so I went.  I ended up having a CT scan that afternoon which put me on the referral and tests path I’ve already mentioned.  I met with the Oncologist on a Friday and was scheduled for surgery the following Monday.  I write this two weeks into my recovery and I can’t help but think of all the things that just happened to fall into place so that I am on the road to recovery a full month before that June appointment. 

There has not been a moment when I have not known God with me.  I don’t do well with surgery.  Anesthesia is not my friend and recovery is difficult for me.  Recovery from this last surgery was especially difficult and I ended up having to spend an extra day in the hospital.  This was hard news to take and I had a moment where I thought I might tear out my IV and run screaming.  Or shuffle screaming, as the incision made running impossible.  I clung to God in that moment and knew He was with me.  I was not only aware of His presence but felt His touch in the hands of my care-givers.  I don’t know anything personal about anyone who nursed me: I do know that each person who cared for me showed me kindness, gentleness, and the true meaning of ministry which is to serve. 

What do I expect from God?  He has not come crashing into any of these situations, snapped His fingers, and made any of these growths disappear.  He has not delivered me unless you count sixteen separate growths-not counting moles removed-and not one of them being cancerous as deliverance.  He has not spared me trials on top of the pain and issues I deal with from the car accident.  What He has done is knit Himself to me in the midst of these situations and made me so aware of His presence that I’ve gone through them without fear.  I have not been a paragon of faith:  I may have begged a bit when it became clear I wasn’t going to get to go home but even then, He was with me.  He was faithful every moment.

Faithful every moment.  That is what I see in this study of darkness.  The Hebrew letters spelling darkness-Chet, Shin, and Caph-reveal to me a picture of the God who is Love with me every moment.  Even when it feels the circumstances of my life are chewing me up and spitting me out (Shin), there is nothing I go through alone.  He is not hidden from me nor I from Him but He holds me in the palm of His hand (Caph).  I am not only held but His Spirit is poured out on me and in me and His life is knit to mine (Chet).  I’ve started looking deeper into the word bara which is translated “create” and one of my Teachers told me bara meant “to fill”.  I am looking deeper into that but find that definition beautiful.  He fills my darkness with Himself.

My study of darkness brought me to Psalm 18 and verse 11 in particular. My NKJV begins this verse as, “He made darkness His secret place.”  The New Living says “He shrouded Himself in darkness” and the English Standard Version has, “He made darkness His covering”.  I wondered about this verse because, at first glance, it did seem to be saying that God hides Himself in darkness which didn’t make much sense.  Once I’d looked a little further into the meaning of darkness, looked into the context of the Psalm, and discussed it with two of my Teachers, this passage became so wonderfully clear.  My Bible places this Psalm within the time period of King David’s fleeing from King Saul.  Reading through the Psalm, I can see David was not having a pleasant time: the pangs of death and sorrows of Sheol surround him.  His enemies are too strong for him, he is hated, and he refers to “his day of calamity”.  He is in darkness.

But!  The Lord God comes with darkness under His feet!  He made the darkness His secret place, He fills it, and His brilliance destroys it from within.  The Lord lights the lamp and enlightens the darkness.  I am reminded of what I shared two weeks ago that the eye is referred to as a lamp in the NT.  It is as the eyes of our understanding are enlightened and made single by the Holy Spirit-and the Greek carries the idea of being braided with-that He enlightens our darkness.  This Psalm in particular stayed with me because, throughout this entire process, I could see the truth written in this beautiful Psalm: God armed me with strength, He set me in a broad path, and He upheld me.  Even when I didn’t fully understand why things were happening the way they were, He filled every moment with Himself.

I have “what if” thoughts: I can’t help that.  All I can do is answer every “what if” with the truth “God is with me.”  I mentioned having to stay an extra night in the hospital.  I’d been told my stay would be one night only so, when I couldn’t stop being ill and had to stay that extra night, I panicked a little.  I am a disabled person with no disability benefits (which is a long story in itself) and I only work part time.  On top of dealing with the physical difficulties, I worried about the cost of that extra night, what my insurance would do, and what bills might be coming my way, etc.  A couple of days after being released, I received a letter from my insurance.  The surgeon had submitted me for two days stay and my insurance had approved it.  It’s such a small thing but it’s another one of those little coincidences.  Here I was panicking and feeling like a failure.  If willpower was any sort of power at all, I’d have been able to get better and would never have stayed that extra night.  All I could do was trust that He was bigger than even this and then the letter arrived showing me it had all been taken care of before the surgery began. 

Truly, the Lord Jesus Christ Himself goes before me and is with me.  He never leaves me nor forsakes me.  There is never a circumstance that discourages me or fills me with fear (See Deuteronomy 31: 8, Isaiah 45:2).  He fills not only the darkness but all things (Ephesians 4:10).  In Him I live and move and have my being and, because He lives and lives in me; I can face tomorrow and whatever else might come. 

Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!  Amen.

Unless noted otherwise, all scriptures are quoted from The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

References

Bentorah, Chaim, Hebrew Word Study: Beyond the Lexicon, Trafford Publishing, 2014, Pages 92, 108, 148

Haralick, Robert M., The Inner Meaning of the Hebrew Letters, Jason Aronson Inc., Northvale, New Jersey, 1995, Pages 113, 161, 293

choshek, “darkness,” strong’s H2822 (alittleperspective.com)

(2) “Darkness” in ancient Hebrew! (Part I) – YouTube

God’s Appointed Times: Aleph Tav Meaning (godsappointedtimes.com)

The Questions That Arise

03 Monday Jan 2022

Posted by in Walking in the Way

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Hello, and welcome to the first post of 2022!

My social media feeds have been flooded with messages of good wishes for a new year, suggestions to make intentions rather than resolutions, and encouragements to be more mindful, to name but a few of the types of posts I’ve seen.  I am not one for resolutions myself.  I was recently at a retreat and heard someone say, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plan.”  I don’t believe God is the type of being seeking to amuse Himself by throwing a wrench into our best laid plans but neither can I deny there is some truth to that statement.  Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man’s heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps” (KJV).  That’s the scripture that keeps coming to mind during this time of resolutions and seeking change and so I do not seek to deviseth my own path, but to be aware of the Lord’s direction and to walk where He would have me go.

This very decision implies relationship.  I cannot walk by the direction of the Lord without being aware of Him: His presence, His thoughts, and His voice.  And, I am.  He is always with me and I seek to always obey His promptings and corrections.  I have to admit I don’t perfectly obey but it’s more of I didn’t recognize a prompting until afterward rather than deliberate disobedience.  Moving into a new year, I ask The Holy Spirit to continue to guide me into greater understanding and discernment.  May I recognize the sound of His voice every moment.

I ask.

I have been thinking about asking questions of God.  I do it all the time.  If The Holy Spirit is my teacher, as the scriptures say He is, how do I learn except I ask questions?  I do not know any teachers who do not want their students to ask questions.  Why would we expect The Holy Spirit to be different?  I already shared how I wondered about the Elder Brother in the Prodigal Son story in Luke 15 and how within a few weeks I had Malcolm Smith’s sermons on just that subject.  This has happened many times.  There is so much I don’t understand (Ha! Understatement) and there has never been a time where I have posed a question to The Holy Spirit and he has not answered it.  Sometimes it’s through another teacher, sometimes it’s through the scriptures, sometimes it’s a book placed on the right shelf at the right time…there are many and varied ways in which He answers me and, the more He answers me, the bolder my questions get.

I ask The Holy Spirit, “why?”  Two teachers I have learned a great deal from, two men I admire and respect, have both at various times said “don’t ask God why”.  I understand why they say this.  Consider the mind of God.  If you are a believer in God and believed He created everything that is; then you believe the vastness of creation with its infinite variety, its precision, and its intricacy originated in His mind.  He imagined it and spoke it into being.  How can my finite mind begin to comprehend the infiniteness of God?  It cannot and neither can I ask “why?” because as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:9, paraphrased) and I cannot possible comprehend the answer.

And yet-I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16).  The Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead lives in me (Romans 8:11).  This same Spirit is the Spirit Jesus promised would guide me into all truth, show me things to come, and take all the things of the Father that were given to Jesus and give them to me (John 16:13-15).  This is massive.  It’s beyond words.  It’s definitely a time to Selah until the reality of it saturates us to our cores.  This is the life that Jesus has made available for us, I boldly ask Him “why?” and I trust He will answer me.

I do believe the way of asking is important.  I do not demand to know “why?” like I am putting God on trial and expect Him to defend Himself to me.  I do not spit my “whys” at Him and use them as an excuse to go my own way.  I ask as His child and I ask within the parameters of that relationship. 

I’m sure all of you who are parents have experienced your child asking “why?”  You do not shut down that precious curiosity nor do you ignore a question that has been asked in pain.  I do not believe our Heavenly Father does so either.  But then, neither does a loving and concerned parent force information on a child who is too young and inexperienced to understand.  Sometimes answers to a child’s “why’s” are only partial answers and sometimes they can only be answered with, “I cannot tell you that yet: you are not yet old enough to understand.”

There have been many times where that is the answer I have received and it is an answer I am okay with.  When I receive that particular answer, I expect something to happen.  I don’t expect anything specific but I know that an opportunity will come where I can learn something.  Sometimes I recognize the opportunity as part of the answer to the question I have asked.  Other times, it’s an answer to something I didn’t think to ask.  Whatever happens, I know that I can trust my Father is not mad at me for asking and will, in His perfect wisdom and timing, give me the answer I desire.

To those of you who have stuck with me over the last year, thank you for reading!  I don’t expect the content of the posts to change much in the upcoming year.  I do hope each post will reflect growth in understanding, discernment, obedience, and delight in this life I live in Jesus Christ.  My prayer for myself and each one of you in this new year is that Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation will expand our knowledge of Jesus Christ, that the eyes of our hearts will be shed with light that we may come to fully know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in us, and that we would know the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!  Amen.

A Life Beyond Compare

18 Monday Oct 2021

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This life lived abiding in Jesus Christ is beyond compare.  The fact that I live in fellowship with The Father, in Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit leaves me speechless.  The fact that this life is possible because the Father wills it so makes me rejoice in humility.  And yet, this life can be frustrating.  There are so many things I don’t understand and answers to my questions do not come all at once.  I often quote Philippians 1:6 to myself: “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”  I am confident that the will and purpose of God will be worked out in me but I am not always patient with the process. 

I’ve had some difficult times over the past several months.  I couldn’t put into words how I felt.  I was angry certainly but at the same time broken-hearted.  I also felt isolated.  There were communities I longed to be part of but, as I listened to what they were saying, I knew I could not.  It wasn’t until today when I came across Jeremiah 15:17 that I understood what I was feeling.  This passage states, “I sat not in the assembly of those who make merry, nor did I rejoice; I sat alone because Your [powerful] hand was upon me, for You have filled me with indignation” (Amplified). 

Indignation.  I thought this was a good word to sum up what I was feeling but I looked it up in the dictionary to be sure.  My Webster’s New World Dictionary gives this definition of indignation: “scorn resulting from injustice, ingratitude, or meanness; righteous anger.”  Yes, this is exactly what I have felt.  And, I have sat alone.  Doors have closed all about me and I didn’t understand why.  And then, this week, I had an experience where the same thing kept cropping up.  It was mentioned to me, then it popped up in a newsletter, then someone else mentioned it, then I was sent an email…: six times over the past week this thing was mentioned and, each time, I grew more and more indignant.  Not one of those sources shared my indignation.  I went to God and asked Him if I was overreacting.

I am not.  I remembered the word translated “church” in the New Testament is ekklesia (G1577).  It means “a calling out”.  I was also remembering two portions of scripture and kept repeating them to myself.  One was “Come out from them and be separate,” and the other was “touch not the unclean thing.”  I did not remember these were parts of the same passage:  2 Corinthians 6:17.  For a bit of the context, I’ll start in verse 14: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.  For what fellowship had righteousness with lawlessness?  And what communion has light with darkness?  And what accord has Christ with Belial?  Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?  And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?  For you are the temple of the living God.  As God has said: “I will dwell in them and walk among them.  I will be their God.  And they shall be My people.” Therefore, “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.  Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.  I will be a Father to you and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty” (verses 14-18).

I have often heard this passage quoted to mean “unequally yoked” is a warning against marrying someone who doesn’t share the same faith.  I see it more as a warning for everyday life.  It is practically impossible to reach a goal if I’m trying to get there with someone determined to head in the opposite direction.  No, I take Jesus’ yoke and heed His calling to come out and be separate.  I do not mean I go live in a cave like a hermit (though there are times I wish I could!): I am separate while remaining in the world.  (See 1 Corinthians 5:9-10).  Jesus Himself prays “I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world” (John 17:14-16).

I look at these scriptures and understand what they are saying but how then do I live?  What does it mean to be separate while still in the world?  For me in this moment, it means holding onto my identity in Jesus in the midst of great pressure.  What is that identity?  I am everything the New Testament tells me I am In Christ.  I am the temple of the Holy Spirit, a living stone in the spiritual house of God, a member of the chosen generation, the royal priesthood, a holy nation, one of God’s special people, made to proclaim the praises of Him who called me out of darkness into His marvelous light.  (1 Corinthians 6:19, 1 Peter 2:5, 1 Peter 2:9).

I hold on to my identity but remember who everyone else is as well.  I define my actions toward them by the words of God Himself who declares, “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh.  Is there anything too hard for Me?” (Jeremiah 32:43).  I obey the words of the Apostle Paul who says, “Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.  For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:1-4).

I seek to diffuse His fragrance wherever I go and, knowing my flesh still wars against the Spirit, I pray: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.  Do not incline my heart to any evil thing, to practice wicked works with men who work iniquity; and do not let me eat of their delicacies” (Psalm 141:3-4).  I trust that my steps are ordered by the Lord, He delights in my way, and though I stumble I won’t fall because He upholds me with His hand (Psalms 37:24). 

And when I must sit alone because His hand is upon me and He has filled me with indignation I accept the loneliness knowing I am not ever alone because He is with me.  I accept and listen to His voice always ever seeking to follow the Lamb withersoever He goest and heed His call to “come out and be separate”.    

“Behold, now is the accepted time; behold now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2b).

Unless noted otherwise, all scriptures are quoted from:

The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

References

Guralnik, David B., Webster’s New World Dictionary of The American Language, William Collins+World Publishing Company, Cleveland-New York, 1974

Strong, James, The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1990

Because He Lives

04 Monday Oct 2021

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Today, the Fourth of October, is the twenty-third anniversary of the car accident that left me differently-abled.  Since Post Day for the blog fell on Anniversary Day, I wanted to do something special.  I thought and thought and searched for the perfect words to say…what?  What do I know after twenty-three years of living differently-abled that will mean anything to anybody?

I recently read a quote by a spiritual leader whose writings I have read and admired in the past, something that made the quote so astonishing.  This leader was talking about us believers taking a carnal rather than a spiritual approach to our enemies and said our carnal approach could put us in a place where God cannot help us.  I don’t have the full context of this quote so perhaps I am interpreting these words in a way the writer never intended. However, I was struck by any leader saying we humans could end up in a place where God could not help us, regardless of the context.  I declare to you today such a statement is not true. I know Paul’s words are the truth: “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). He is truly the One who keeps His promise never to leave nor forsake us and I know from experience we are never beyond His help.

At the time of the car accident, I was not living a life in Jesus Christ. I believed in Him certainly but, sick of the rules and regulations and a Father God I could not please no matter what, I had walked away from trying to live a Christian life. I was miserable, of course, but God never once let go of me.  In fact, He was with me the moment I woke up in that car after the accident.  His presence urged me to get out of the car and He was with me every step of the mile and a half journey I had to take to find help.  He was with me as I went away from rather than towards town and He was with me when I found the men who, by a remarkable coincidence, had postponed their fishing trip a week and were thus close by to get me to help and save my life. 

I didn’t die in my car accident and I know that isn’t the outcome for many. I lost a family member in an accident a few short months after my own. What about death? Isn’t that a sign that God didn’t help? That is not a subject that can be addressed in the limited space I have today but let me quote again that neither death nor life…shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. I can tell you He was with me through this experience as well and I can assert along with Paul that death and the grave do not have the final word (1 Corinthians 15:55-57). We can trust Jesus even in these circumstances. He is the Living One and he holds the keys of death and hell (Revelation 1:18). (Note: while these passages have the words grave and hell respectively, the Greek word in both places is the same-hades [G86]).

But what about consequences, I can hear some asking.  We make our own choices and God doesn’t spare us the consequences of our actions.  We suffer from our own choices and we suffer because of the choices of others.  I don’t disagree.  I do disagree-utterly-with the idea that the choices we or anyone else make somehow thwarts God.  For a beautiful story of what God can do when others mean evil toward us and our sufferings do not stem from anything we did, read the story of Joseph related in Genesis Chapters 37-48.  But, what about situations like mine where, while it was an accident, I can’t deny I made my own choices. I have already shared how I did not put myself in a situation where not even God could help me, but there have been life changing consequences from this accident. What can I now hope for? I find reassurance in a story from Paul’s life in Chapters 20-23 of the Book of Acts.

I do wonder if this story doesn’t start in Chapter 18.  The end of verse 18 says, “He had his hair cut off at Cenchrea, for he had taken a vow.”  I’ve read various commentaries on just what this vow was and whether the cutting of the hair meant completion of the vow as such a completion usually meant the necessity of a sacrifice in Jerusalem.  I cannot say one way or another but this vow is something I can’t help but keep in mind as I read Chapters 20-23.  Paul is determined to get to Jerusalem for the Day of Pentecost (Acts 20:16) and nothing, not even the Holy Spirit Himself, is going to stop him. 

Paul states, “And see now I go bound in the spirit to Jerusalem, not knowing the things that will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies in every city, saying that chains and tribulations await me.  But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself…” 

The Holy Spirit spoke to Paul through another as well.  Chapter 21 relates how a prophet named Agabus comes down from Judea, takes Paul’s belt, binds his own hands and feet and says, “Thus says the Holy Spirit, so shall the Jews at Jerusalem bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles” (verses 10-11).  Those with Paul plead with him to change his mind but he will not be persuaded.  I have to laugh a little when I read verse 14: “So when he would not be persuaded, we ceased, saying, “The will of the Lord be done.”  I do wonder just what they meant by that…

Paul goes to Jerusalem and everything happens exactly the way the Holy Spirit warned it would.  You can read the details of his time in Jerusalem and arrest through the rest of Chapter 21 and into Chapter 23.  And so…wouldn’t you think that disregarding warnings from THE HOLY SPIRIT would be a terrible sin?  Wouldn’t you think God would have no choice but to wash His hands of Paul and find someone else, someone more willing to be obedient?  Wouldn’t you think Paul’s choices had put him in a place where not even God could help him?

God doesn’t abandon him.  Verse 11 of Chapter 23 starts with “But”.  I always pay attention to the ‘buts’ I find in scripture and focus what came before.  Verse 10 says, “Now when there arose a great dissension, the commander, fearing lest Paul might be pulled to pieces by them, commanded the soldiers to go down and take him by force from among them, and bring him into the barracks.”  And then verse 11: “But…”

I spent some time between verses 10 and 11, imagining what Paul might be thinking and feeling.  He knew what to expect.  The Holy Spirit made clear what was going to happen if he chose to come to Jerusalem.  I wonder if Paul felt like a failure. I wonder if he was sure God would have to use someone else, someone less stubborn, more malleable.  I wonder if he had any hope of being used to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ ever again.  I wonder if he was overwhelmed with thoughts of “what if” and “if only”. I wonder all of this and then read verse 11: “BUT the following night the Lord stood by him and said, “Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness in Rome.”

What would Paul have been if he had heeded the warnings of the Holy Spirit and bypassed Jerusalem?  I think the question is worth asking but the answer really is “it doesn’t matter.”  The wonderful lesson I glean from this story is our choices cannot thwart the plan of God.  God was with Paul through his imprisonments and the things that happened to him as he was transferred from one place of incarceration to another.  And we have his letters, some written during these times of imprisonment, like the Epistle to the Philippians which bubbles over with the Joy of The Lord.

There’s a phrase, “You made your bed: now lie in it.”  What breaks my heart is when I hear the disdain in this phrase echoed in the words of Believers.  We ought to know better because we see Jesus.  If God, who is love, could possibly have in His heart the idea of “you made your bed: now lie in it”, He never would have given the promises of the One to come throughout the entire Old Testament and would have never given Jesus.  This is what I know.  I know He loves me and I know there is nothing I can ever do to stop Him loving me.  I know there is no mistake I can make He cannot redeem.  I know He is with me in this mess I have made of my life and that He is making it all work for good and for His purposes.  I know because Jesus lives, and lives in me through His Spirit, I can face whatever this life might hold.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know, He holds the future,

And life is worth the living just because He lives. 

All scriptures are quoted from:

The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

Being of Two Minds

16 Monday Aug 2021

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I haven’t finished reading Hannah Whitall Smith’s The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life.  It’s not a book I can race through and be done.  There are sentences that arrest me and I have to think on them for a time before I am ready to continue on.  One such is a quote Hannah Whitall Smith included from another book.  She doesn’t give the name of the author nor the book she got it from but writes; “Years ago I came across this sentence in an old book: ‘Never indulge, at the close of an action, in any self-reflective acts of any kind, whether of self-congratulation or of self-despair.  Forget the things that are behind, the moment they are past, leaving them with God’.” 

She goes on to say; “This has been of unspeakable value to me.  When the temptation comes, as it mostly does to every worker after the performance of any service, to indulge in these reflections, either of one sort or the other, I turn from them at once and positively refuse to think about my work at all, leaving it with the Lord to overrule the mistakes, and to bless it as He chooses.”

This paragraph in particular struck me because I found I was indulging in reflections at the end of last week.  Hannah Whitall Smith says these reflections are of two sorts: “either the soul congratulates itself upon its success, and is lifted up; or it is distressed over its failure, and is utterly cast down.”  I tend toward the latter and such were my reflections.  I rehashed every word I’d said, pictured the faces of those I’d spoken to, and tried to decide how my words had been received, whether I’d said things I oughtn’t, and whether or not I’d been a worthy living epistle.  If such thoughts weren’t exhausting enough, I began to think about things other had said, sidelong glances I was sure I’d caught, became convinced I was being talked about behind my back, and was certain what was being said wasn’t positive.  Not that I’d heard anything myself, but I had a feeling…

Looking back, I am struck by how all this felt.  The more I dwelt on what were no doubt my own shortcomings and the little betrayals from so called friends, the smaller my world got.  I felt everything constricting around ME and my body reacted.  Muscles got taut, a band tightened around my head, and my mind was trapped on a hamster wheel of “what if they said this” and “you shouldn’t have said that” and ultimately, “why do you even bother at all?”

I thank God that there does come the “wait a minute” moment.  First, I had to take myself in hand regarding being talked about.  I did not know for certain that what I was thinking was even the truth.  My Mom tells a story of how she was once having similar thoughts and her mentor said to her that no one thought about her nearly as much as she thought about herself.  Harsh words, perhaps, but they stayed with Mom and I have found them of great use in my own dealings with other people.  Chances are I am not nearly as important to people as they are to themselves and the odds of them thinking about me enough to be talking about me are slim.  Even if my feeling was correct and I was being talked about, it isn’t any of my business.  Others do not decide my behavior: the leading of the Holy Spirit decides my behavior so, no matter what, I am to love others with the same love that is freely poured out into me, forgive as I am forgiven, and put everything in His hands. 

And so, this was not a pleasant evening for me but it was educational.  I was astonished at the difference in feeling when I am focused on myself as opposed to living in the flow of the Holy Spirit.  The first is, as I’ve shared, constrictive.  If I’d continued to wallow in it, my life would have become stagnant whereas life lived within the flow of the Spirit is expansive.  I noticed a change in my body the moment I turned my focus from myself and onto Jesus.  My posture improved, my chin lifted, and what was promising to be a raging headache disappeared.

Joyce Meyer has a book called The Battlefield of the Mind.  I haven’t read it but the title has always stuck with me.  I have been thinking of how a battle does take place in my mind.  Romans 8 is one of my favorite chapters in the New Testament.  I return to it over and over and always find something new there and ended up looking at last week’s experience in light of Romans 8.  I hardly know where to start quoting and where to finish because it all flows together so beautifully!  For the sake of space, I will quote verses 5-7: “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.  For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.  Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.”

Here is warfare indeed.  I have a carnal mind but I also have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16).  I choose which mind I am going to have at any given time.  Will I set my mind on things of the flesh or will I set my mind on things above, not on things on the earth? Because I have been raised with Christ Himself, I will seek those things which are above where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God.  I will remind myself that I have died and my life is now hid with Christ in God.  (Colossians 3:1-3).  I will not worry about what others are thinking about me or what they may or may not be saying about me.  No, I will cast all my cares upon Him knowing that He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7) and not forgetting that He cares for them as well and desires that they too come to know the love of Christ.

I will choose to live a life of trust because, as Hannah Whitall Smith says, “having committed ourselves in our work to the Lord, we shall be satisfied to leave it to Him, and shall not think about ourselves in the matter at all.”  Lord hasten it!

Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from:

The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

All other quotes are from The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Whitall Smith, New Spire Edition published 2012 by Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan, “Service”, Chapter 15, Pages 183-194.