Category Archives: Walking in the Way

Anthropopathy

10 Tuesday Nov 2020

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I recently learned a new word:  anthropopathy.  I’ve heard and used “anthropomorphic/ism” but had never heard of anthropopathy.  I looked it up in my trusty New World Dictionary and found this definition: anthropopathy = the attributing of human feelings and passions to a god animal, etc. 

I came across anthropopathy in a book I’m currently reading entitled Hebrew Word Study: Revealing the Heart of God by Chaim Bentorah.  I quote:  “Jewish philosopher Abraham Heschel often referred to what he called “divine anthropopathy.”  We often speak of God as anthropomorphic, symbolically ascribing to Him a human body, but we rarely consider God anthropopathically, as having humanlike feelings.”*  I don’t know if this is true of any, some, or most Christians.  I liked it because one, the word is fun to say, and two, it reinforced my conviction on how important relationship is to God.

I doubt anyone needs me to quote it but John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the word that He gave His only begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life.”  If you’ve been around a Christian for any length of time or attended a church or read a social media post, you’ve no doubt heard that believing in Jesus means you get to go to heaven when you die.  I don’t dispute that but going to heaven when I die is not eternal life.  Don’t believe me?

When I continue reading John’s gospel I come to chapter seventeen and verse 3.  “And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”  The word “know” in this scripture is the exact same word used for intimacy between a husband and a wife.  It’s the same word used to relate her words when Mary asked, “How can this be, seeing as I do not know a man?” (Luke 1:34) Relationship with God is not just knowing about Him.  It’s knowing Him in the most intimate way, like a married couple know each other.  I can’t help thinking of how many times the Bible speaks of weddings, wedding feasts, Jesus as Bridegroom, His people as Bride.  The I Am, the Father, longs for a deep, personal relationship with each one of us.

We can’t know God.  I assume that, if you’ve read this far, you believe in God.  What do you think of Him?  I can’t fathom Him.  I can’t find words.  However, going back to John 3:16, He gave His only Son.  I can know the Father because Jesus has revealed Him (John 1:18).  Staying in John’s gospel, I find John chapter fourteen verses six and seven: “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you know me, you will know My Father also.”  In Jesus, I can relate to the Father through someone who is human like me.  In Jesus, the Father has a face.

And yet, I can’t go anywhere on this earth and see the human body that walked the shores of the Sea of Galilee, lived and worked in Nazareth, ate and drank.  So how do I know Jesus?  Wouldn’t it have been better for me to be alive then?  Am I missing something?  No!  Jesus Himself says it’s better for me, expedient, to my benefit that He goes away (John 16:7) because the Comforter will come.  It is through the Holy Spirit living in me where I am knitted to Jesus and, through Him, the Father.  “When He, the Spirit of Truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.  He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.  All things that the Father has are Mine…” John 16:13-15a

The Holy Spirit is vital to my relationship with God.  It’s not possible without Him which is why I’ve been talking about Him so much and why I’ll continue to do so as long as God allows.

The importance of relationship, this longing of the heart of the Father, is why I use the hashtag #relationshipnotreligion on my posts.  When I say “religion” I’m not always thinking of a denomination or an ism.  I am thinking of that which perpetuates a false image of who God is and who we are in Christ.  I recently saw a social media post where a dear sweet child of God said that Jesus had to come and die to save us from God.  I can’t even.  Where is that written in the Bible?  Save us from God?  The very same God who so loved-so loved-that He gave.  No one made Him do it.  He did it because His great heart is one of love.  He loves us and, through Jesus, made the way for us to know that love.  To quote on of my favorite songs (Real Love by Blanca), isn’t it true that the veil was torn?  Relationship. 

Religion defined in its original language can mean something beautiful.  Religio means “reverence for the gods, holiness” which is beautiful and true. Religare means to bind back and then, breaking the word down further; re means back and ligare is to bind or bind together.  This too can be beautiful.  In relationship to the Father, we are bound to Him in Jesus through the Spirit, knitted together in such a way that we too can cry “it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)  When I say “religion” I think of the system that seeks to bind its converts to a set of rules, to a never-ending hamster wheel of trying to be good enough, not being good enough, trying harder, doing more, and hoping one day to be acceptable to God.  Instead, may your eyes be open to see He is love now.  He so loved He gave.  He has feelings just like we do. 

Maybe I need a better word than anthropopathy.  John really does say it best: We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

*Quote is from the study “God hides His face” page 283

Blessed Assurance

27 Tuesday Oct 2020

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I suppose I could call this post “Great Expectations Part Four” because I wish to address a statement I made in my previous post.  I said that I “did not expect specifics” and I wanted to elaborate because I do not expect specifics and yet I do, of course, expect specifics.  Confused?  Allow me to attempt to elaborate.

I do not have a vague prayer life.  My prayer life does not consist of saying to my Heavenly Father, “Well, thy will be done” by which is inferred: “You’re going to do whatever You’re going to do anyway and I just hope You give me the strength to accept whatever happens.”  No!  I’ve been quoting 2 Corinthians 1:20-all the promises of God are ‘yes’ in Christ Jesus-and the promises throughout the entire bible are wonderfully specific.  Neither does my prayer life consist of magic formulas.  What do I mean by that?  I do not pray to an aloof God who is so busy with other far more important problems than mine that I have to try to get His attention, convince Him to do something for me, and strong arm Him into answering me by saying “in Jesus’ name, Amen.”  Again, no!  My prayer life is better described as talking to my Heavenly Father.  It’s conversation held in relationship.  I have very specific cares which, through prayer, I cast on Him because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). 

This is the greatest truth ever revealed to my wondering heart and, despite all my study and prayer and searching to know the heart of my Father, it is one I barely grasp.  He Loves Me.  He cares for me.  He Loves You.  If you doubt this and John 3:16 and especially verse 17 isn’t enough for you, I encourage you to read First, Second, and Third John.  Done? Welcome back! Because I know He loves me, I know I can bring any worry, anxiety, happening, question, and desire to Him and trust Him with it.

One of the greatest examples of what I’m trying to make clear here is the story related in Luke chapter 24 verses 13-35.  I’m sure we’ve all heard it: it’s after Jesus’ crucifixion and all hope has been dashed to pieces.  Two of the disciples are travelling to Emmaus, conversing and reasoning with each other.  Then, Jesus Himself is walking with them though they do not recognize Him.  It’s so exciting.  I never get tired of reading it.  The two ask Jesus if he’s the only one in Jerusalem unaware of what’s been happening.  Now, there are so many things I would have expected the Risen Son of God to do in that moment.  No doubt this would be the perfect time to open their eyes to the truth of who He was but Jesus does not.  Instead, He asks “What things?”  He doesn’t need to ask.  No one knows better than He what has really happened but He asks questions, draws them out, and only after they’ve spilled their guts does He begin to speak. 

I know there is not one thought I have, have had, or will ever have that is not already known to the One who knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10). And yet He asks me “what things?” and invites me to spill my guts.  And so, my prayer life is very specific.  It is my expectations as to how He is going to answer me and reveal Himself to me where I have learned to not be specific.  I expect an answer: I do not expect how that answer will come. 

I don’t spend a great deal of time in Lamentations but there are some beautiful verses in it.  In chapter 3 verses 22-24 I read; “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him.’”  The Hebrew word my New King James Version translates as “compassions” is defined in my Strong’s Concordance as meaning “favor, blessing, loving-kindness”.  These verses put succinctly what I am struggling to say.  Because He loves me I know it’s safe to tell Him anything.  I know I can expect answers but I also know I can expect to be surprised at how He chooses to answer me. He won’t ever do the same thing twice.

I cannot count how many times I’ve heard it said God does not fit in a box.  I know this to be true. He’s terrifying…in the best sense of that word.  I cast my cares on Him and await His response with fear (awe) and trembling (excitement).  I also expect that the answer I receive might be to a question I didn’t think to ask.  Why does this happen? 

I don’t know.  But, I wonder if it isn’t like sitting down with an architect and going over the blueprints to a fabulous building.  I can barely contain myself as the architect takes me through the plans, shows me how much progress has been made, and shows me the end result.  The architect has samples of the planned materials and I’m so excited by the color and style of the roof I insist on its installation.  The architect tells me I have to wait because the walls aren’t up yet and I ask why because the corner pillars are in place: surely that’s enough to support the roof.  The architect very gently tells me I have no idea how to put a building together but if I will trust him, he will see it through.

Perhaps this is a weak analogy but it came to mind last week during a teaching I was listening to and it made sense to me.  I thought I’d share it here in case it made sense to any of you. 

Truly the Lord is my portion.  Great is His faithfulness and my expectancy is in Him. 

Great Expectations-Part Three

20 Tuesday Oct 2020

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I had to laugh at myself.  Within two hours of Part Two posting to the blog, I found myself in a situation exactly like the one I described: perhaps some relief from pain but it was going to require a doctor’s visit, a referral, no doubt more co-pays…my insides tightened and I could only think, “great.  I’ll just pay for all that then, shall I?” Then the thought came, “didn’t you just post on how God has taken you through medical stuff and financial hardship?”  Indeed I had.  Had I learned anything from the experience?  Yes, but I have to admit my first inclination is usually stress and anxiety and THEN remembering the goodness of God.  And so, I write these for my own edification. 

In part two I did write about a series of unfortunate events and how I expected my Father to reveal Himself to me as the Lord who healeth me and, instead, found myself face to face with the Father who loved me and wished His name hallowed above every other on earth.  I am still learning all this means and it’s a theme I hope to explore in the future.  For now I wish to answer the questions: if I am to expect that all the promises of God are Yes in Christ yet experience has taught me God rarely does what I expect in the way I expect it, what am I supposed to be expecting when I pray? Is there a secret to a victorious life in Christ?

I believe there is and that the secret isn’t so secret.  I believe the answer is found in the Indwelling Spirit.  1 Corinthians 1:20 says “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.”  In Christ.  Two words that appear over and over again throughout the New Testament.  If God’s promises are In Christ, then it must follow I must be in Christ in order to receive them. 

In part two, I also quoted; “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6: 33, Amplified)  In Luke 17 verse 21 I find, “Nor will people say, Look! Here (it is!) or, See (it is) there!  For behold, the kingdom of God is within you (in your hearts) and among you (surrounding you).  (Amplified)  Acts 17: 28: “For in Him we live and move and have our being…” and the second half of 1 Corinthians 1:20: “And so through Him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.”  In just these few scriptures (I could quote more but I’d end up copying the entire New Testament) I see how important it is to understand “In Christ” and that there must be something in me that shows me what this means and enables me to say “Amen.”  That something is a Who: the Holy Spirit.

There are two beautiful passages about the Indwelling Spirit found in the Gospel of John.  I can’t choose between them so I’m quoting both:  “I have told you these things while I am still with you.  But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name (in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf), He will teach you all things.  And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.” (John 14: 25-26, Amplified)

And then: “But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth).  For He will not speak His own message (on His own authority); but He will tell whatever He hears (from the Father: He will give the message that has been given to Him), and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come (that will happen in the future).  He will honor and glorify Me because He will take of (receive, draw upon) what is Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.  Everything that the Father has is Mine.  That is what I meant when I said that He (the Spirit) will take the things that are Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.  (John 16: 13-15, Amplified)

Because I know the risen and ascended Lord Jesus Christ, His spirit dwells in me as me teacher and guide.  As Paul says, “But if you are guided (led) by the (Holy) Spirit, you are not subject to the law.  What is the law?  The law, or Old Covenant, was based on IF/THEN.  Now, under the New Covenant and the Indwelling Spirit, I find there is a different way to live.  Rather than trying to please a remote God and earn blessings from Him with my good behavior and the fact that I (mostly) keep His commands; I live from the fountain of His life within me. 

But, I know some of you will ask, aren’t you taking some of these scriptures out of context?  Doesn’t John 14 also say, “If a person (really) loves Me, he will keep My word (obey My teaching); and My Father will love him and We will come to him and make Our home (abode, special dwelling place) with him.”  (John 14: 23, Amplified).  Doesn’t that sound like it’s an IF/THEN?

It does and I hope to explore the meaning of these scriptures in more depth in later posts.  In closing this one, I say truly, Our Father’s promise in Ezekiel 37 is made reality with the Holy Spirit:  “A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit within and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them.”  Paul assures me in Philippians that, “(Not in your own strength) for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you (energizing and creating in you the power and desire), both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.” (Philippians 2:13, Amplified)   

I wasn’t sure how to describe living from the Indwelling Spirit but I chanced to listen to Malcolm Smith’s Webinar # 340 and he put it perfectly.  Now that we have the Indwelling Spirit, we no longer live from IF/THEN but now BECAUSE/THEREFORE.

I love that.  However, with shifting my focus from If/THEN to BECAUSE/THEREFORE, what do I expect from God?  The answer is everything and nothing.  I do not expect specifics.  Rather, I expect that He will keep His word that all His promises are “Yes” in Christ Jesus.  I don’t expect that nothing painful or hurtful will never happen to me.  I do expect that He who lives in me will be everything I need at all times: All in all.  With Paul, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! (2 Corinthians 12: 9b, Amplified) His joy fills me and, through Him, I say “Amen”.  May He and He alone be glorified.

An excellent study on the Indwelling Spirit.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/indwelling-spirit-andrew-murray/1111009163?ean=9780764202278

Here’s Malcolm Smith’s webinar if you are interested.

Great Expectations-Part Two

12 Monday Oct 2020

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Last week I began writing about my struggle to understand why, if all the promises of God were “Yes” in Jesus, did I not see them manifest in my life, and my feelings of failure because of that lack.  There did seem to be a law in place as expressed in Exodus 15: 26: “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.”   Since I was not healed, I had to have missed a step somewhere. 

I do not wish to infer I’ve spent the last seventeen years pursuing healing. At that time, my Heavenly Father revealed Himself to me in a way I had never known.  At that moment, I realized everything I had ever thought about Him had been mistaken and that I knew nothing at all.  Every day since then has been an opportunity to, in the words of Yoda, unlearn what I have learned. I focused on “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6: 33, Amplified)  Amen. So be it. 

Then, three years ago, I re-discovered a bible teacher I listened to as a child.  He spoke of the promises of God, especially healing, and said it was so in Jesus and that I should expect!  Expect?  Expect what?  I was seeking Him with my whole heart, what more did I need to do?  I couldn’t argue with the scriptures I heard quoted.  It did seem there was an aspect to my life in Jesus I was failing to appropriate.  How to do so?

There have been moments of intense frustration as I tried to figure it out.  There have been moments when I’ve been so angry I’ve cried out to God; “just tell me what you want!  Why is this so hard?”  It was a deeply confusing time and it was about to get worse.

With my limitations, I only work part-time which means I don’t have a great deal of extra cash.  While I was struggling to figure out why I was not experiencing the fullness of the promises of God, I had a minor procedure that still required my going under anesthesia; a process that proved to be rather expensive.  A month later, I was rear-ended driving into work which aggravated all my old injuries of that car accident from years ago.  I missed work and pay.  A month after that I ended up in the ER as yet another health problem came to a head.  Major surgery was scheduled that was going to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I had insurance (thank God!) but I still had to pay a portion of the cost.  Less than a month before my surgery I was in another car accident (not my fault!) where I ended up in the ER AGAIN.  More expense.  Then came the surgery and recovery, and then yet again another minor surgical procedure.  I didn’t have insurance for this cost and had to dig into my savings account.

In the midst of these health/physical struggles, the parameters of my job changed.  I couldn’t drive myself anymore but had to take the train to work.  This has always been my one point of refusal when accepting a placement: I don’t go downtown because I can’t take the train.  It is too hard on me physically and I get terribly dizzy and sick to my stomach: probably complications from my TBI.  Now, I had to take the train and I didn’t see any way out.  I had taken some financial hits and would be a fool to quit.  Then there was the job itself.  There was no one else who knew the job the way I did so I didn’t see how I could quit and leave them hanging.  Maybe this was it!  I began to pray that finally, when I needed Him the most, my Father would heal me so I could do what I needed to do.  Trusting He would be my strength, I began to ride the train.

My days ended with indescribable agony.  The pain was so bad I couldn’t breathe. Finally, the pain got so bad I had to say “when” to the job.  I had reached another crisis point.  It was when I had nothing left that my Father came to me, wrapped His arms around me, and opened my eyes.

I saw that, even though He and I had developed a deep, personal relationship, I was still hallowing another’s name above His.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that a word had been spoken to me and the word sounded good and right.  Fulfilling that word seemed to be honoring God and I stepped out in obedience to that word without ever checking it with God and being sure the voice I was listening to was His.  I expected Him to give me the strength to do what I believed I needed to do.   

Why am I telling you all this?

All of these things were piling on each other, one after another, and I was clinging to Jesus by my fingernails.  Why?  When everything seemed to be so opposite of what I believed and it didn’t appear He was with me at all; why didn’t I decide I’d been utterly mistaken, there was no God, and I was on my own to figure out this life as best as I could?  The answer is because I know Him.  He has revealed Himself to me step by step, situation by situation over the years and I KNOW He lives and He loves me. Still, I didn’t quite understand: I expected an answer to healing and He showed me the importance of hearing and obeying no voice but His. 

To be continued…

Great Expectations-Part One

05 Monday Oct 2020

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Yesterday was the anniversary of the car accident that left me differently-abled.  I am grateful to be walking and that, once my hair grew back in, I was not left with visible scars but I do live with limitations; both physical and cognitive.  Which brings me to what I want to discuss in this series of posts:  I say I have a relationship with Jesus…why then am I not healed?

2 Corinthians 1: 20 says, “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.  And so through Him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God”.  There are many promises of healing I could quote from both the Old and New Testaments but, for the sake of brevity, I’m going to focus on Exodus 15: 26 which states, “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.”  If He is the Lord who heals me and this promise is “yes” in Jesus, then I should be able to expect healing, right?

And, it does seem Exodus lays out the rules for receiving healing.  IF I pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, THEN He will heal me.  I have attempted to pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees.  I attended churches (not forsaking the assembling like Hebrews 10:25 says!) and attempted to do what they told me to do.  I read my bible, attended multiple services per week, and devoted time to prayer.  Then, I would miss a day of reading or a prayer time. Since I could not do these simple things on a regular basis, how could I expect God to heal me? 

I sought healing through biblical methods.  I had hands laid on me, was anointed with oil, stood in healing lines, and was prayed over.  One traveling evangelist insisted that if he laid hands on me I WOULD be healed so I imagine my disappointment when he did so and I was not.  Of course then the fault was mine because “a double-minded person is unstable in all they do” and “such a person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord” (James 1: 8 and 7) so my still being in pain caused me to doubt which meant I didn’t really trust God and didn’t have any faith so He could not heal me. I had these things said to me.

Then I realized that, if I was following the rule laid down in Exodus, all I had to do was pay attention to His commands and keep His decrees.  What simplicity!  Jesus only left me with one: “Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”  (John 13:34)  Well, has anyone else tried this?  Have you found it as difficult a command to keep as I have?  Failure after failure after failure.  No wonder I didn’t have my healing!  How could God heal someone who so consistently fell short of His standards of behavior?!

Have any of you been subjected to this?  If you have, know I empathize with you.  I have been trapped in this never-ending cycle of just not being good enough to please God and finally receive of His promises.  I was already tired from the effects of the car accident and all this striving only made me more so.  Then, I had a life crisis so devastating I was certain I could not and never had heard from God.  I had failed Him so completely I should just curl up and die so He could send me to hell and get it over with.  It was in this place that I met God!  The living God.  The gentle, loving Father who so desired a relationship with me, He sent Jesus into my darkness and death to get me and bring me out.  (John 3:16 and especially 17!, John 17: 3, Ephesians 2: 4-7)

My feet were set on a new path and I began to get to know The Father.  I do not say the path has been easy.  In fact, it felt like the moment my Father began to show me who He was, the floodgates of hell were opened in my life.  Even though…through every devastating circumstance, my Father has revealed a little more of Himself to me and I have been filled with awe and wonder.

But still I struggled with limitations from the car accident and, as the years went by, I developed other health problems.  I prayed about them, tried to “Amen” all the promises of God, and received no miraculous healing.  I ended up having a major surgery and afterwards had the opportunity to speak with a close friend.  I told her how I had prayed leading up the surgery-that I would be spared having to go through it-and how the answer I had received had been “no”.  I told my friend that, while I could accept the no, I had expected things to be different.  It had been years since I’d come to know The Father in a new way and I’d expected I would level up somehow: like in a spiritual video game. 

We both laughed at that but, after hanging up with her, I continued to think about it.  That had been my expectation: that with greater understanding came greater blessings.  Wasn’t that the rule?  Within a few months of this conversation, I had to have another minor procedure.  I threw up my spiritual hands.  Whatever the secret was, I clearly had not discovered it.

Again, while a painful place to be, it is not a bad place to be.  It has been my experience over the last seventeen years that these valleys of deepest darkness are where my Father’s light shines brightest.  And so it proved.

To be continued…

Bible verses are quoted from the New International Version

Making My Footsteps the First

21 Monday Sep 2020

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This coffee mug was a Christmas gift from my Mother.  The phrase on it spoke to me but I was not purchasing things for myself so put it back on the shelf. My mother had seen and surprised me with it.  In case you can’t read it (I’ve had the mug for some years and it’s been through many washings), the phrase is “Each new wave rearranges the patterns in the sand so we can pretend our footsteps are the first”.  I can’t tell you why this phrase spoke to me the way it did but, as the Holy Spirit has worked in me, opening the eyes of my heart to the truth of who Jesus is in me; I have garnered a deeper understanding of this phrase.  Even though the Holy Spirit has been at work in God’s people for over 2,000 years, each revelation is new to me. When my eyes are opened to see, it’s a brand new discovery. 

For instance:

There was a time I used to read Matthew 27:46 where Jesus cries out “My God, My God, Why have You forsaken me?” and thought I understood how He felt.  There have been so many times when I’ve walked through such darkness I was certain God had forsaken me.  I couldn’t hold that against Him though because He’d forsaken Jesus too so at least Jesus understood how I felt.  This is a terrible belief to hold and I thank God He didn’t let me keep it for long.  The Holy Spirit led me to Hebrews 13:5 where I read, and the Amplified translation says it best: “Let your character [your moral essence, your inner nature] be free from the love of money [shun greed—be financially ethical], being content with what you have; for He has said, “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!”  While this passage is more about financial worries, this promise of God appeared to hold true for every aspect of my life especially when the verse 16 says “So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently say, “The Lord is my Helper [in time of need], I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?”

Here was a thought:  If God promised to never leave nor forsake me, was my belief that He had forsaken Jesus mistaken?

I began to read the bible with this question in mind and saw Isaiah 53:4 which states, “surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by Him and afflicted.”  This struck me.  “Punished by God” is how I saw Jesus’ sufferings and death but this scripture appeared to tell me that wasn’t true.  Then the Holy Spirit drew my eyes to 2 Corinthians 5:19 where Paul writes “…God was reconciling the word to Himself in Christ” and Colossians 2:9 which states “in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form.”  With these two passages ringing in my mind, I began to question my interpretation of Matthew 27:46.  If I were incorrect and The Father had not forsaken His son, what did Jesus’ words mean?

Then came the day when the Holy Spirit answered that question.  I was reading Psalm 22.  I cannot count how many times I’d read it before and felt David’s pain but had NEVER realized what was going on.  The opening lines of this Psalm are exactly Jesus’ words on the cross.  I have read the writings of bible teachers who have said that every Jew within earshot would not have needed Jesus to say anything more.  They would have known the Psalm in its entirety just hearing the first lines and would know exactly what He was saying.  What was He saying?

Even though David wrote this Psalm hundreds of years before Jesus’ birth, this entire Psalm is about Him.  As the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to that truth, I read through the Psalm in dawning wonder.  Passages leapt out at me.  “He trusts in the Lord, they say, let the Lord rescue him” (verse 8) I found paralleled in Matthew 27:43.  I discovered the horror and shame of crucifixion in verses 16-18 of the Psalm: “they pierce my hands and my feet.  All my bones are on display, people stare and gloat over me.  They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment.”

I read David’s words and saw that they mirrored Jesus’ agony.  I continued reading and knew for certain God had not forsaken Jesus on the cross for the Psalm itself declares Jesus was not forsaken in verse 24: “He has not hidden His face from him but has listened to his cry for help.” 

The Psalm ends on a note of exultation.  Verse 31 says, “They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it!”  The last words of the Psalm, “He has done it”, are exactly Jesus’ words when He cries “It is finished!”

I couldn’t believe it. It was like I’d never read the Psalm before.  My entire mind was flooded with revelation and I had an entirely new bible.  I also had an entirely new understanding of Jesus’ cry on the cross. I read the Psalm again and then went back to Matthew 27 to read the entire passage.  And then I read it again because I finally saw what Matthew’s gospel was saying. Jesus’ cry on the cross was not a cry of agony at being abandoned by God.  Rather, it was a shout of triumph.  Even when the situation looks as bad as it possibly can, my God shouts His triumph.

This was a brand new discovery for me and the Holy Spirit and I delighted in it together.  I felt like I’d been the only one ever to have seen this to be true even though, at the same time, I knew I could not be.  Indeed, I am not the first nor will I be the last but it doesn’t matter.  I delight in my seeing.  Those who have already seen share my delight and I have an equal share in the delight of their having seen.  Even though many have walked the shoreline of this particular revelation, the Holy Spirit made the sand smooth so that I felt my footsteps were the first.  He makes it smooth again once I’ve passed so that another can discover Him for the first time.

*All scriptures are quoted from the Amplified and NIV translations.

Friendship

07 Monday Sep 2020

Posted by in Poetry, Walking in the Way, Writing

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What can I

A mere Creation

Create in myself

To tell You

The One Who Creates

Of my heart?

How can I

Mere dust

Say in words

To tell You

The Source of me

What I feel?

What is there

Inside of me

New to You?

Thoughts of mine

When told to You

You are surprised?

How can I

Bought by You

Belonging to You

Tell You in words

Of all I would

If only I could

If words were enough?

Tell me, You say

Tell me all

I want to hear

All you would say

To Me

The Invisible One

Who gave The Word

So You and I

Could Speak together

Of all that We will

Because We can

Just a Butterfly

31 Monday Aug 2020

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By the Water at the Reservoir

I like symbols.  I enjoy how symbols can open my eyes to truth I had not yet perceived.  I do try not to get carried away looking everywhere for symbols and hidden meanings and I especially am careful about looking for signs from God.  1 Corinthians 1:22 has always felt like a warning about looking for signs so I have sought to know God’s voice for myself, therefore rendering null and void any need for a sign.  And yet, what about those times when God is there-I know it because His presence is always with me-and yet He is remaining silent?  There are few things more frustrating in my spiritual journey than when God is remaining silent as it usually happens during a time when I need to hear from Him the most.

 I mentioned before how a crisis some seventeen years was merely a catalyst for Jesus to reveal Himself to me in a different way and set my feet on a new path.  Coming to know Him in greater intimacy has not happened all at once. It has been an awful painful wonderful glorious journey: one I’ve survived by relying on Him day by day.  I recently realized I have seen aspects of His character He has been bringing me to see over the course of the last three years. I can look back now and see how it all worked together for me to KNOW what I know today but, at the time, the butterfly was just a butterfly. 

It all started three years ago when my doctor found a lump in my breast.  I hadn’t noticed it.  It truly felt like it had appeared overnight.  My doctor was concerned but not overly so.  She thought it could be a result of an ongoing hormonal imbalance and I was to come back in a month and she’d see if it had changed size or gone away.  I prayed every day of that month, asking He who is my Healer to take it away.  I went back for my follow up visit knowing it hadn’t gone away and having no idea what was going to happen next.  Painful and invasive exams were what happened next, culminating in a biopsy.  I had to wait a few days for the results of my biopsy and, while there was an enormous chance my lump was benign, there was a chance it wasn’t. I couldn’t think, felt numb, and sought the peace I normally find in nature by taking a walk at the reservoir.

It was a beautiful, warm day but I felt I was carrying ice around in my very marrow.  The what if was a whirl-a-gig inside my mind and, although I knew He was with me, He wasn’t making me any specific promises.  I didn’t know what to pray for.  He is my Healer-I believe that with everything I am-but I couldn’t deny He hadn’t healed me-the lump was proof of that- and I felt my foundation of faith was rather shaky beneath my feet.

I managed to make it to my favorite bench placed right by the water before I felt I couldn’t go any further.  I sat there in the warm sunshine, listened to the insects in the long grass, the birds on the water, and just waited in His presence.  Surely, alone in this place, He would speak comfort to me.

As I sat, a small yellow butterfly appeared, flitting from flowers to blades of grass.  I have always thought butterflies symbols of spiritual truths: their beauty, the way the gland at the base of their skull consumes their caterpillar life and the butterfly emerges from that death (our death swallowed in His life!); they have so much to teach me about walking with God.  Thus, I always enjoy seeing butterflies and have never had a moment where I did not feel closer to God when I saw one.  I watched that tiny creature, so yellow it looked like sunshine come to life, and waited for a message from God.  There was nothing. 

 I couldn’t help laughing at myself.  Perhaps I was looking for too much.  Were it a story I was writing, the butterfly would have been the harbinger of great peace and spiritual growth.  Instead, it was nothing more than a creature doing what it was created to do.  A pretty creature, certainly, but nothing more.  The butterfly was just a butterfly.  I was not living inside a book. I had no promise from God that I did not have cancer.  I had no idea what I might be facing in the coming days.  I still had to go home and wait for my test results.  I rose from the bench and made my way home.

My results arrived and I did not have cancer.  My relief was beyond my ability to describe.  Still, the presence of the lump meant my hormone imbalance was more serious than I thought and I could potentially develop severe problems.  I turned out I already had and I ended up having a major surgery only a year later.  I had not developed cancer but though again I prayed, it was a surgery I was not spared. 

And yet, there was never a moment when He was not with me.  It wasn’t that I was not afraid nor in pain.  It wasn’t that I lied to myself and assured myself there was no reason to be afraid.  There was every reason and there were some I hadn’t even considered until I read through and signed my pre-surgery paperwork.  Rather, there wasn’t a step I took He didn’t take with me.  That fact was something I only truly realize now as I am having some painful complications from that surgery, am having difficulties getting treatment for those complications, and have no fear at all.  Irritation at the roadblocks-Jesus does not make me superhuman-but He infuses me with His strength to look into the unknown without fear. How is such a thing possible?  I don’t think it would be if I hadn’t had it cemented in me through experience that He keeps his promises and does not ever leave me nor forsake me.  Whatever my next moments, days, and years hold, I know that I don’t face anything alone.

Oddly, that little yellow butterfly has never been far from my mind.  I was so sure then it meant nothing and yet it has come to be important to me.  Perhaps I don’t have to look for signs or symbols.  Perhaps He gives them to me and then gives me recognition and understanding when the time is right.  I do know I will never again see a butterfly as just a butterfly.

Icons and Idols

17 Monday Aug 2020

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Madeleine L’Engle is one of my favorite authors.  I was 9 or 10 when I first read “A Wrinkle in Time” and was thus and forevermore hooked on her writing.  Through the years, I’ve moved from her-would they be considered Young Adult books?-to her adult fiction, to her journals, to her essays.  A short time ago, I found “Penguins & Golden Calves: Icons and Idols in Antarctica and Other Unexpected Places” and, I must admit, had a knee-jerk reaction to the words “Icons and Idols”.  I believe I’ve mentioned before I don’t have an extensive religious background but that doesn’t mean those beliefs haven’t made their way into my mental processes.  Aren’t icons wrong?  Aren’t icons and idols synonymous?  Do I have to stop reading one of my favorite authors?

 I had already read the The Genesis Trilogy by Ms. L’Engle and had found them beautiful.  My faith had grown reading these books and so, trusting Ms. L’Engle wasn’t about to let me down now, bought this book.  I have never been sorry that I did so and, like every other book written by Madeleine L’Engle I have read, this one made me sit down and peruse my own life.  Did I have icons in my life?  If I did, was that wrong? Did I (gasp) have idols?  How could I know?  What was the difference?

In my attempts to answer these questions, I first, I looked to the dictionary definitions of icon.  My Second College Edition New World Dictionary of the American Language give me: “an image, figure, representation.”  The Webster’s New Reference Library: An Encyclopedia of Dictionaries stated “a religious image painted on a panel.”  I have seen icons fitting these definitions and appreciated them as art but they’ve never inspired me to pray or worship.  There is nothing in those painted images that remind me of the vibrant apostles who were flogged, jailed, stoned, driven from cities and towns, and, in some cases; killed.  Neither have I been transfixed by any image of Jesus.  How could I possibly be so?  What image could ever compare with He who is utter livingness as revealed in Revelation 1: 10-18?  The answer then is no: by these definitions, I have no icons.

Madeleine L’Engle has a personal, more extensive definition of Icon.  She writes; “What do I mean by icon?…I am not thinking of the classic definition of icons so familiar in the orthodox church, icons of Christ, the Theotokos, saints, painted on wood and often partially covered with silver.  My personal definition is much wider, and the simplest way I can put it into words is to affirm that an icon, for me is an open window to God.  An icon is something I can look through and get a wider glimpse of God and God’s demands on us, el’s mortal children, than I would otherwise.” (Page 8)  And then: “If something does not lead us to God it is not and cannot be an icon.” (Page 10)

By this definition, there are many things I would consider icons.  Waterfalls, rivers, oceans, mountains, ravines, the sky overhead…all at one time have revealed some aspect of God to me that sent my heart soaring in worship and praise at the greatness of His love. On a smaller scale, I suppose I would say turtles are an icon.  From their shells to their slowness to their determination, I see in turtles something that reveals who God is to me on this spiritual journey.  So then yes: considering an icon as an open window to God, I have many such icons in my life.

If I say I have icons, do I then have idols? Just what is an idol?  Can an icon become an idol?  It seems that yes they can because Madeleine L’Engle also writes, “You may not turn an image into God, because that is to turn an icon into an idol.”  (Page 14).  Before I can worry about whether or not I’ve been turning my icons into idols, I must understand what an idol is.

Returning to my dictionary, I find the following definitions for Idol: “an image of a god, used as an object or instrument of worship.”  It seems to me that, to turn an icon into an idol, the heart of the matter (literally and figuratively) is worship.  The Second Commandment says “You shall not make for yourself a carved image-any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall now bow down to them or serve them.” (Exodus 20: 4-5a)

I suppose the fact that I have a turtle pendant would mean I possess a graven image but it was not given to me as such nor do I worship it.  I see aspects of God revealed in nature but that doesn’t mean I become an Animist.  Do I then believe that, as long as they do not become idols, icons are acceptable?  I live in a world I perceive with my senses.  How else is an invisible God going to reveal Himself to me except through the works of His hands?  Romans 1:20 says “For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world.”  It is not idolatry to find God in His Creation as long as, I think, I do not stop with the creation but continue to look through that window to Him.

Madeleine L’Engle writes “Jesus should be for us the icon of icons.  God sending heaven to earth, ‘Lord of lords in human vesture.’”(Page 93). 

Jesus as The Icon.  I admit to a bit of knee jerk reaction at that thought as well.  And yet, Colossions 1:15 does state, “Christ is the visible image of the invisible God” so perhaps the thought isn’t sacrilegious after all.  While it doesn’t hurt to give my life a thorough examining, perhaps I will merely thank Him for revealing Himself to me no matter how He chooses to do so.  And, I can thank Him that I don’t have to stop reading one of my favorite authors.

The quotes were taken from “Penguins and Golden Calves: Icons and Idols in Antarctica and Other Unexpected Places” by Madeleine L’Engle published by Shaw Books in 2003.

           

Wisdom in the Psalms

20 Monday Jul 2020

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I have already mentioned my love of the Psalms. Whenever I pick up a new translation of the Bible, I turn to the Psalms to see how they sound. I am currently enjoying them in The Passion Translation and, in fact, read Psalm 32 after saving a draft of this post and, since King David was saying exactly the same thing I’m attempting to say here, have decided to move forward.

In my previous post I also mentioned how I find the wisdom to handle life’s problems in the Psalms. While I have no wish to discount in any way those Psalms not written by King David, his Psalms are the ones I find most instructional. This is because so much of David’s life is revealed in the books of the Old Testament. Though David did make many terrible mistakes, he knew who he was in covenant relationship with God and his Psalms teach me how to live as a Covenant Woman.

I recently had an opportunity to be deeply grateful to David and his Psalms. I transgressed, grieved the Holy Spirit, and would have despaired if I had not remembered King David. I’ll get to that transgression in a moment: I must first relate another transgression from years ago.

In this instance, I had been told certain things, believed them, and acted on that belief only to discover what I had been told was not the truth. Accusations fell upon me and my transgression would have been terrible indeed if I had acted with the motivation I was being accused of. I could have defended myself but to do so would have meant relating exactly what I had been told which would have caused much more pain than my actions had done. Instead, I sat silent and bore the invective poured down on me though it resulted in a burning resentment I carried with me for years afterward.

I must be clear: it was by the Grace of God that I stayed silent. There was nothing in me that wanted to. Two years later when I heard the first real call of God on my life (He was little more than a presence I struggled to understand and serve before this), I was grateful that He had kept me from making the situation worse. I did not have to bear that shame. As I started to move on the path God has set me feet on, He began to touch that resentment and anger I carried and nudge me towards forgiveness. I was willing to have Him work, of course, but didn’t think He had all that much to do in me. I could see how others had made no provision for my grief and there was no understanding for what I might be going through having just been through a car accident that altered my entire life. The way I, my family, and even a close friend had been treated during this time was far worse than any sin I committed and didn’t the balance of the scales of justice really tip in my favor.

God did not agree. There came the day when He decided to deal with this situation and His chastisement was upon me. There was no room for “but God, they-” as He dealt with me. How can I describe how this felt? I have heard many songs sung and teachers speak on “weeping in holy brokenness” like it’s this beautiful, gentle thing. It is beautiful when its over but, if being under the corrective hand of God is like a song at all, it’s the lead singer of a death metal band screaming into the microphone. There was no weeping. It was ugly crying, snot everywhere, shuddering and quivering, and I could only remain kneeling while He worked. King David describes it as “The pain never let up for your hand of conviction was heavy on my heart”. (Psalm 32: 4a)

God was not cruel, just determined, and He held me there until He’d finished making me clean. Then He poured His healing into me, soothed and comforted me. That feeling of being scrubbed clean and then filled with Himself made what I had experienced worth it. That is, until He told me to apologize. Me? Apologize? Yes. The choice was mine but He showed me how obedience led to a deeper experience of Him and disobedience led to stagnation and death. And so, I made the choice that was no choice at all, wrote out my no-excuses apology, stamped and mailed it. I have never felt any anger or resentment about this situation or the people involved since.

This was a deeply painful and humiliating lesson to learn. One would think I would take care not to do anything or disobey in any way that would result in my needing to undergo another session under the mighty hand of my Heavenly Father. But, I told you that situation to tell you this one. Only a few months ago I was in a situation where I wanted to defend myself against something I hadn’t done and take credit for something I had. I heard a resounding, echoing, “No! Remain Silent!” inside my spirit. Even so, I decided the opinion of the humans in front of me was more important than obedience to my God and I spoke the words He’d told me not to speak. It was a deliberate transgression and I felt an instant wrenching of the closeness between Him and me. Not that I had no sense of His presence because He didn’t leave me, just that I knew we did not have the closeness we’d had before I disobeyed.

I sat on the edge of my bed having no idea what to do. I remembered the first instance from years before but the two situations could hardly be compared. Then I had not deliberately transgressed and, even so, it had all happened before He’d really called me to walk with Him. Once I was truly in Christ, being made a new creation with old things passing away, there was no guilt or condemnation for my Before actions. This was After. I had deliberately disobeyed and, since I’d been walking with Him for years, I knew better. And, the Accuser was ready and able to begin speaking to me out of my mind. I could not deny my own thoughts: I knew I was guilty. I wanted to get back into that harmonious existence I’d had before I spoke the words, but how? I was sorry. God knew I was sorry. What could I do? The answer was nothing. There wasn’t anything I could do that would undo what I’d done: no specific number of prayers, no positive confessions, no readings, nothing I could do that could restore me to that sense of Oneness. I could pray until my tongue clove to the roof of my mouth and I knew He would accept none of it.

This is when I remembered King David. More specifically, his adultery with Bathsheba and murder of her husband. What a terrible thing and yet, when Nathan the Prophet came to him, David did not run and hide from God. Despite what he’d done and knowing he deserved to die for it, David fell directly on his face before God and later ended up writing Psalm 51. David knew who he was in covenant relationship with God and knew that, ultimately, nothing could separate him from God. I am a partaker in an even greater covenant in Christ Jesus and, if I believe Hebrews 10:12 (and I do), there was nothing I could do to make God forgive me. Jesus had already taken care of it.

That remembrance gave me the peace and strength I needed to once more confess my sin before God and know He was faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). This scripture is now real to me in a way it never was before. He IS faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me of my unrighteousness. He is not a sulking God who withholds Himself from me until I prove to Him just how sorry I am but even then keeps reminding me of my sin and how He has low expectations of me moving forward. No! That closeness was instantly restored. Again, Psalm 32 states: You forgave me! All at once the guilt of my sin washed away and all my pain disappeared! (verse 5b)

Does this mean I have a blank check for transgressions, so to speak? Of course not. I can’t put into words how it feels to know I’ve grieved the Holy Spirit except to say it’s awful and I don’t intend to do it ever again. Returning to Psalm 32 I read, “I hear the Lord saying, ‘I will stay close to you instructing you and guiding you along the pathway for your life'” so I can trust He will keep me. And, I move forward in harmony with Him thinking not that I have attained this ideal or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me…(Philippians 3:12, The Amplified Bible)

Wondering who you are in Covenant Relationship with God through Christ Jesus? Here are some resources which have helped me:

The Bible, of course! The Message is a translation in contemporary language

The Power of the Blood Covenant by Malcolm Smith

The Two Covenants and the Second Blessing by Andrew Murray