Category Archives: Walking in the Way

In the Midst

23 Monday May 2022

Posted by in Isaiah 45:7, Personal Essays, Studies, Walking in the Way, Writing

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My Dad called them “God’s Calling Cards.”  He meant those instances in our lives that are attributed to coincidence but, when seen through the lens of us living and moving and having our being in Jesus Christ; are recognized as God’s Calling Cards.

I have had these little coincidences on my mind over the last few weeks and was discussing them with a co-worker when I remembered my Dad’s term for them.  I’ve continued to meditate on them and have been looking at them in terms of my study on darkness.

But first, some context for these Calling Cards.  I am now recovering from surgery-less than four years after my last one-to remove yet another tumor.  The particular path I’m on started in 2017 when my Primary Care Physician found a lump in my breast.  No doubt a cyst fueled by hormones but it still needed to be looked at.  I started praying immediately.  I know Jesus bore all my sicknesses and iniquities so of course I was healed.  Except I wasn’t.  I was referred to a specialist who ran tests and said the lump didn’t look right which led to another referral and a biopsy.  I then had to wait for the results of that biopsy and I spent days wondering “what if?”  Would it be benign or did I have the C-word?  I wrote about this in my post Just a Butterfly which I will put in the Featured Posts section in case anyone is interested in reading it.

I didn’t have to have this lump surgically removed but it did seem to be a catalyst for a cascade of tests and procedures culminating in the major surgery in December of 2018.  I had fought for years to avoid it.  I’d tried diet, exercise, prayer…nothing worked.  Once more my concerned PCP referred me to a specialist who was also a surgeon and who ended up removing thirteen fibroids from my abdomen.  It was both a devastating surgery and yet a blessing because I was freed from quite a bit of pain.  I began walking the road to recovery whilst also striving to understand, where was God in all of this?  Where was my healing?  If I’m to expect results when I pray, what results should I be expecting? 

I was sure that surgery in 2018 would be my last.  Then only a year later another growth appeared in a different part of my body.  It also ended up being benign and the procedure to remove it was relatively minor.  Just a snip and a couple days recovery but it did concern me.  This growth could not be attributed to hormone imbalance or endometriosis.  Was my body randomly growing tumors?  What if one grew in my brain?  Was there anything I could do to stop them?

And then, I began experiencing weird pain in my abdomen.  Once more, my concerned PCP sent me for a test then referred me to a specialist who took another test and then went “hmm…that doesn’t look right” and referred me to an Oncologist.  Once more, I’ve had surgery to remove a rather large tumor-or endometrial lesion-and once more I am grateful the growth is benign.  I am again walking the road to recovery but I will say this time it is different.  I do not wonder where God is in all of this: I have seen Him in a series of coincidences.

I intended to discuss my weird pain with my Doctor at an appointment in January of this year but then I contracted the ‘rona and had to postpone.  The earliest I could get was June.  No big deal.  I was sure it was nothing serious.  Then my Doctor’s office called and confirmed my appointment in March.  I didn’t have an appointment in March.  There had to be a cancellation and I had to be penciled in but no one called me to ask if I was available: they called to confirm. The appointment was scheduled for the next day and I had no conflict so I went.  I ended up having a CT scan that afternoon which put me on the referral and tests path I’ve already mentioned.  I met with the Oncologist on a Friday and was scheduled for surgery the following Monday.  I write this two weeks into my recovery and I can’t help but think of all the things that just happened to fall into place so that I am on the road to recovery a full month before that June appointment. 

There has not been a moment when I have not known God with me.  I don’t do well with surgery.  Anesthesia is not my friend and recovery is difficult for me.  Recovery from this last surgery was especially difficult and I ended up having to spend an extra day in the hospital.  This was hard news to take and I had a moment where I thought I might tear out my IV and run screaming.  Or shuffle screaming, as the incision made running impossible.  I clung to God in that moment and knew He was with me.  I was not only aware of His presence but felt His touch in the hands of my care-givers.  I don’t know anything personal about anyone who nursed me: I do know that each person who cared for me showed me kindness, gentleness, and the true meaning of ministry which is to serve. 

What do I expect from God?  He has not come crashing into any of these situations, snapped His fingers, and made any of these growths disappear.  He has not delivered me unless you count sixteen separate growths-not counting moles removed-and not one of them being cancerous as deliverance.  He has not spared me trials on top of the pain and issues I deal with from the car accident.  What He has done is knit Himself to me in the midst of these situations and made me so aware of His presence that I’ve gone through them without fear.  I have not been a paragon of faith:  I may have begged a bit when it became clear I wasn’t going to get to go home but even then, He was with me.  He was faithful every moment.

Faithful every moment.  That is what I see in this study of darkness.  The Hebrew letters spelling darkness-Chet, Shin, and Caph-reveal to me a picture of the God who is Love with me every moment.  Even when it feels the circumstances of my life are chewing me up and spitting me out (Shin), there is nothing I go through alone.  He is not hidden from me nor I from Him but He holds me in the palm of His hand (Caph).  I am not only held but His Spirit is poured out on me and in me and His life is knit to mine (Chet).  I’ve started looking deeper into the word bara which is translated “create” and one of my Teachers told me bara meant “to fill”.  I am looking deeper into that but find that definition beautiful.  He fills my darkness with Himself.

My study of darkness brought me to Psalm 18 and verse 11 in particular. My NKJV begins this verse as, “He made darkness His secret place.”  The New Living says “He shrouded Himself in darkness” and the English Standard Version has, “He made darkness His covering”.  I wondered about this verse because, at first glance, it did seem to be saying that God hides Himself in darkness which didn’t make much sense.  Once I’d looked a little further into the meaning of darkness, looked into the context of the Psalm, and discussed it with two of my Teachers, this passage became so wonderfully clear.  My Bible places this Psalm within the time period of King David’s fleeing from King Saul.  Reading through the Psalm, I can see David was not having a pleasant time: the pangs of death and sorrows of Sheol surround him.  His enemies are too strong for him, he is hated, and he refers to “his day of calamity”.  He is in darkness.

But!  The Lord God comes with darkness under His feet!  He made the darkness His secret place, He fills it, and His brilliance destroys it from within.  The Lord lights the lamp and enlightens the darkness.  I am reminded of what I shared two weeks ago that the eye is referred to as a lamp in the NT.  It is as the eyes of our understanding are enlightened and made single by the Holy Spirit-and the Greek carries the idea of being braided with-that He enlightens our darkness.  This Psalm in particular stayed with me because, throughout this entire process, I could see the truth written in this beautiful Psalm: God armed me with strength, He set me in a broad path, and He upheld me.  Even when I didn’t fully understand why things were happening the way they were, He filled every moment with Himself.

I have “what if” thoughts: I can’t help that.  All I can do is answer every “what if” with the truth “God is with me.”  I mentioned having to stay an extra night in the hospital.  I’d been told my stay would be one night only so, when I couldn’t stop being ill and had to stay that extra night, I panicked a little.  I am a disabled person with no disability benefits (which is a long story in itself) and I only work part time.  On top of dealing with the physical difficulties, I worried about the cost of that extra night, what my insurance would do, and what bills might be coming my way, etc.  A couple of days after being released, I received a letter from my insurance.  The surgeon had submitted me for two days stay and my insurance had approved it.  It’s such a small thing but it’s another one of those little coincidences.  Here I was panicking and feeling like a failure.  If willpower was any sort of power at all, I’d have been able to get better and would never have stayed that extra night.  All I could do was trust that He was bigger than even this and then the letter arrived showing me it had all been taken care of before the surgery began. 

Truly, the Lord Jesus Christ Himself goes before me and is with me.  He never leaves me nor forsakes me.  There is never a circumstance that discourages me or fills me with fear (See Deuteronomy 31: 8, Isaiah 45:2).  He fills not only the darkness but all things (Ephesians 4:10).  In Him I live and move and have my being and, because He lives and lives in me; I can face tomorrow and whatever else might come. 

Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!  Amen.

Unless noted otherwise, all scriptures are quoted from The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

References

Bentorah, Chaim, Hebrew Word Study: Beyond the Lexicon, Trafford Publishing, 2014, Pages 92, 108, 148

Haralick, Robert M., The Inner Meaning of the Hebrew Letters, Jason Aronson Inc., Northvale, New Jersey, 1995, Pages 113, 161, 293

choshek, “darkness,” strong’s H2822 (alittleperspective.com)

(2) “Darkness” in ancient Hebrew! (Part I) – YouTube

God’s Appointed Times: Aleph Tav Meaning (godsappointedtimes.com)

The Questions That Arise

03 Monday Jan 2022

Posted by in Walking in the Way

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Hello, and welcome to the first post of 2022!

My social media feeds have been flooded with messages of good wishes for a new year, suggestions to make intentions rather than resolutions, and encouragements to be more mindful, to name but a few of the types of posts I’ve seen.  I am not one for resolutions myself.  I was recently at a retreat and heard someone say, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plan.”  I don’t believe God is the type of being seeking to amuse Himself by throwing a wrench into our best laid plans but neither can I deny there is some truth to that statement.  Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man’s heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps” (KJV).  That’s the scripture that keeps coming to mind during this time of resolutions and seeking change and so I do not seek to deviseth my own path, but to be aware of the Lord’s direction and to walk where He would have me go.

This very decision implies relationship.  I cannot walk by the direction of the Lord without being aware of Him: His presence, His thoughts, and His voice.  And, I am.  He is always with me and I seek to always obey His promptings and corrections.  I have to admit I don’t perfectly obey but it’s more of I didn’t recognize a prompting until afterward rather than deliberate disobedience.  Moving into a new year, I ask The Holy Spirit to continue to guide me into greater understanding and discernment.  May I recognize the sound of His voice every moment.

I ask.

I have been thinking about asking questions of God.  I do it all the time.  If The Holy Spirit is my teacher, as the scriptures say He is, how do I learn except I ask questions?  I do not know any teachers who do not want their students to ask questions.  Why would we expect The Holy Spirit to be different?  I already shared how I wondered about the Elder Brother in the Prodigal Son story in Luke 15 and how within a few weeks I had Malcolm Smith’s sermons on just that subject.  This has happened many times.  There is so much I don’t understand (Ha! Understatement) and there has never been a time where I have posed a question to The Holy Spirit and he has not answered it.  Sometimes it’s through another teacher, sometimes it’s through the scriptures, sometimes it’s a book placed on the right shelf at the right time…there are many and varied ways in which He answers me and, the more He answers me, the bolder my questions get.

I ask The Holy Spirit, “why?”  Two teachers I have learned a great deal from, two men I admire and respect, have both at various times said “don’t ask God why”.  I understand why they say this.  Consider the mind of God.  If you are a believer in God and believed He created everything that is; then you believe the vastness of creation with its infinite variety, its precision, and its intricacy originated in His mind.  He imagined it and spoke it into being.  How can my finite mind begin to comprehend the infiniteness of God?  It cannot and neither can I ask “why?” because as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:9, paraphrased) and I cannot possible comprehend the answer.

And yet-I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16).  The Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead lives in me (Romans 8:11).  This same Spirit is the Spirit Jesus promised would guide me into all truth, show me things to come, and take all the things of the Father that were given to Jesus and give them to me (John 16:13-15).  This is massive.  It’s beyond words.  It’s definitely a time to Selah until the reality of it saturates us to our cores.  This is the life that Jesus has made available for us, I boldly ask Him “why?” and I trust He will answer me.

I do believe the way of asking is important.  I do not demand to know “why?” like I am putting God on trial and expect Him to defend Himself to me.  I do not spit my “whys” at Him and use them as an excuse to go my own way.  I ask as His child and I ask within the parameters of that relationship. 

I’m sure all of you who are parents have experienced your child asking “why?”  You do not shut down that precious curiosity nor do you ignore a question that has been asked in pain.  I do not believe our Heavenly Father does so either.  But then, neither does a loving and concerned parent force information on a child who is too young and inexperienced to understand.  Sometimes answers to a child’s “why’s” are only partial answers and sometimes they can only be answered with, “I cannot tell you that yet: you are not yet old enough to understand.”

There have been many times where that is the answer I have received and it is an answer I am okay with.  When I receive that particular answer, I expect something to happen.  I don’t expect anything specific but I know that an opportunity will come where I can learn something.  Sometimes I recognize the opportunity as part of the answer to the question I have asked.  Other times, it’s an answer to something I didn’t think to ask.  Whatever happens, I know that I can trust my Father is not mad at me for asking and will, in His perfect wisdom and timing, give me the answer I desire.

To those of you who have stuck with me over the last year, thank you for reading!  I don’t expect the content of the posts to change much in the upcoming year.  I do hope each post will reflect growth in understanding, discernment, obedience, and delight in this life I live in Jesus Christ.  My prayer for myself and each one of you in this new year is that Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation will expand our knowledge of Jesus Christ, that the eyes of our hearts will be shed with light that we may come to fully know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in us, and that we would know the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!  Amen.

Heart of The Father

13 Monday Dec 2021

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I think I can say with certainty that every Christian is aware of the story of the Prodigal Son recounted in Luke Chapter 15.  I have heard numerous sermons on this chapter and numerous songs sung but each one have been about the Younger Son or, sometimes, about The Father.  I have never heard a sermon on the Elder Brother.  That is, until I heard Malcolm Smith preach one: five of them, actually.  The timing of these sermons is one of those little coincidences that come only from God.

I had been reading this story and found myself thinking the Elder Brother had a point.  Have you ever thought this way?  If so, I bet you never told anyone.  Everyone knows the Elder Brother was wrong in his attitude.  Even so, I couldn’t help thinking the Elder brother was making some valid points.  I knew I had to be wrong, but I had no answer as to why.  As I said, I had not-up to this point-heard a sermon on the Elder Brother.  Even Malcolm Smith, who preaches regularly on Luke 15 and especially the Prodigal Son, had never done a sermon on the Elder Brother that I knew of.  I did not know where to find an answer, so I made a journal entry.  I prayed about an answer and left the giving of that answer to The Lord and His timing.

First, why did I think the Elder Brother made some valid points?  I have been the one not invited to parties.  I imagine how the Elder Brother felt coming in from the fields and hearing the music.  I imagine how it felt to hear that the Younger Brother had come home and The Father had thrown a party and no one had come out to the field to get him and tell him.  I know what it feels like to be overlooked.  I can imagine the Elder Brother’s feelings at the fatted calf being slaughtered in celebration of the Younger Brother’s return.  The Father had never celebrated the Elder Brother.  Perhaps in his grief he never noticed the Elder Brother always there taking care of everything and never thought to throw a party for him.  If the Elder Brother was hurt and angry, wasn’t it possible he had good reason?  No.  Of course not.  Everyone knows the Elder Brother was mad that The Father didn’t treat the Younger Brother how he no doubt deserved to be treated.  Right?  Maybe.  All I could say for certain was I had an uncomfortable feeling that I was reading this all wrong, I did not understand what Jesus was saying in this story, and had no idea how to gain understanding.   

Within a short time of recording my thoughts in my journal, I reached Malcolm Smith’s Webinar 189 and heard him begin to speak on the Elder Brother.  It was liberating to hear him say almost word for word what I’d been thinking: that he’d sometimes thought the Elder Brother had some valid points and knew that he was wrong in thinking so.  Mr. Smith then proceeded to preach the first ever sermons I’d heard on the Elder Brother.  They are numbers 189-193 on Mr. Smith’s YouTube Channel and I’ll include a link to his channel at the end of his post.  I cannot recommend these sermons enough.  I found them to be of immense value.  Through them I learned that yes, I was mistaken to think the Elder Brother was making valid points.  In his own different way, he was as far from The Father as his Younger Brother.

It all boils down to relationship and how neither son had one with The Father.  The Younger Son was much more vocal about things by demanding his inheritance but he couldn’t get his without the Elder Brother getting his double portion (see Luke 15:12).  The story doesn’t have the Elder Brother offering up a word of protest as the Younger Brother made his demands.  And, the Elder Brother’s complaint is not that The Father never celebrated him but that The Father never threw a party for him and his friends.  He had no desire to celebrate anything with his father.  The Elder Brother had no understanding of The Father’s heart and the story doesn’t say he had any interest in doing so.

The heart of The Father.  I have been thinking about this for a while now and thinking about the attitudes of both sons in Jesus’ story.  The Younger Son at least came to a place where he could begin to understand the heart of his father and understand that heart was full of love.  Jesus leaves the story unfinished.  What about the Elder Brother?  Does he realize his father loved him so much he left the party to ask him to join?  Does he see that his father always loved him?  Does he respond to that love and join the celebration or does he remain in his anger?  Does he see that he never knew his father or understood The Father’s love?  Does he stay outside in the darkness where all he can do is hear the celebration and rage at it?

What will I do?  A few weeks ago I wrote that God had invited me to see people as He sees them.  This is true but not the entire truth.  I and every believer in Jesus, have relationship to the Father because we are in Jesus Christ and His Spirit lives in us (See Ephesians 2:18, John 14:6).  John 14:23 says, “…if a man love me, he will keep my words and my Father will love him and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him” (KJV).  Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, His is the name above all other names, and He had the preeminence in all things; yet I cannot have a relationship with Him without also having one with The Father.  God cannot be separated and wherever and however I meet Jesus, so also do I meet The Father. 

I find I don’t have to be afraid of Him.  I find He is not wrothing and frothing (to borrow from Joyce Meyer!) and is only restrained from tossing me into hell by the bloody horrific death of His son.  No, I find I can trust Jesus words when He says He and The Father are one (John 10:30).  I believe that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself (2 Corinthians 5:19).  I find The Father is safe.  I believe that He so loved the world that He gave.

What is harder to believe is that all of that love, all that He is, is for me.  I still feel as if I have to be doing something.  I can’t exist just to be the beloved of God, I have to do something.  I have to bear fruit, I have to go into all the world, I have to-I have to….I hear His voice saying, “My dear child, you are always with me, all that I have is yours.”  I realize then I’ve been working for Him and not having a relationship with Him.  I remember I cannot bear fruit on my own but only as I abide in Jesus and His life flows through me.  Relationship.  I remember my works are worth nothing unless they are the works prepared for me before the world began.  I only know what that is within relationship.  I remember that I can do good works, give all my money, even offer up my body and none of means a thing if I don’t have love: the agape love that God is.  I only know that love and have it for myself if I have relationship with The Father.

Just this Sunday, the speaker during Service said, “God doesn’t heal in order to use.”  I had to write that down and it’s something I’ll be thinking about for a while.  How often I have begged to be used by God!  The Younger Son had his speech ready and was willing to work as a hired servant.  The place he’d known as son was surely no longer for him.  The Father didn’t listen.  He loved the son, dressed him, restored him, and threw a massive party.  I want to know the heart of that Father.  I set myself to seek the very heart of God.  I seek to cease from my labors and know I am beloved of God.  I boldly enter His presence, knowing a new and living way has been given to me by the blood of Jesus (Hebrews 10:19-20, 22).  I find it’s not at all what I expected because The Father is having a party and all I have to do is join in.

Malcolm Smith’s YouTube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/MalcolmSmithWebinars/videos

You’re Taking That Out of Context

29 Monday Nov 2021

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I was part of a prayer group some time ago where I felt compelled to share scriptures on knowing the will of God.  I shared Ephesians 5:17 and Colossians 1:9-10.  Almost immediately, I was accused of taking the scriptures out of context and admonished that, if I read further into Colossians, I would see that the will of God was a mystery.  It wasn’t impossible for me to have taken a scripture out of context and so I did read further into Colossians.  I found it was so obvious I had NOT taken the scriptures out of context, and what had indeed been a mystery was now revealed to us (see Colossians 1:25-27), that I longed for an opportunity to confront my accuser.  God, in His infinite wisdom, did not allow it and so I chose to hand the criticism over to Him and learn what I could from it.  

The context of scripture is of vital importance in both its meanings.  Dictionary.com defines “context” these two ways: 1. “the parts of a written or spoken statement that precede or follow a specific word or passage, usually influencing its meaning or effect” and 2. “the set of circumstances or facts that surround a particular event, situation, etc.”  Both are important and I believe some scriptures cannot be understood outside of the culture and beliefs of the day in which they were written.  I agree that it can be dangerous to lift a scripture out of its context and use it to say something it was never intended to say.  And yet, I find I take scriptures out of their context all the time.  A scripture I find comforting is Hebrews 13:5: “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (KJV).  Other translations say, “Be free from the love of money” (ASV, ESV, Amplified).  And so, within its context, this scripture has to do with money, not being obsessed with it, being satisfied with those things I have, and trusting God to provide for my material needs.

I do apply the promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me to my finances.  I also apply it to those times when I have a flare, my entire body is in agony, and I can barely move.  I apply it to those times when I am lonely.  I apply it to those times when my future looks bleak.  I apply it when I am tired and depressed. I apply it to situations far and above its original context.  If the Writer of the Epistle to the Hebrews is quoting Deuteronomy 31 verse 6 or verse 8, then he too has taken it out of its context.  The original promise was made to Israel before entering the Promised Land and then to Joshua and yet the Writer had no qualms about applying the promise to the fledgling believers of his day. 

I recently started reading a collection of lectures by Andrew Jukes where he traces the mystery of the Kingdom of God through I and II Kings.  In his introduction, Andrew Jukes acknowledges that questions may arise as to why he’s applying Old Testament scriptures outside of their proper context and says, “The facts are these, – Christ and His apostles continually refer to various passages from the law of Moses, the Prophets, and the Psalms; but these references, though claimed as applicable either to the Church or Christ, appear, when we turn to them, to be quoted apart from their proper context, and to relate not to Christ, but rather to certain circumstances in the life of some Old Testament saint, or to some portion of the history of the ancient Israel”.  Andrew Jukes then shares some examples.

He first compares John 15: 24, 25 where Jesus quotes from Psalm 35:19: “they hated me without cause”; words which come from a Psalm of David, were applied to David himself, and were in reference to men and circumstances of David’s own day.  Mr. Jukes also references Acts 1:16-20 where the Apostle Paul says, “Men and brethren, this scripture must needs have been fulfilled, which the Holy Ghost by the mouth of David spake before concerning Judas, who was guide to them that took Jesus.  For it is written in the book of Psalms, Let his habitation be desolate, and his bishopric let another take.”  Paul is quoting from two different Psalms-Psalm 69:25 and 109:8-both of which are Psalms of David and, again, originally applied to David himself and were in reference to people and circumstances of his day.

These are just two of the examples shared by Mr. Jukes: the pages of his introductions are filled with many more.  What is his material point?  At the end of his introduction, Mr. Jukes says; “Now when we remember that these applications of Scripture are applications made by the Holy Ghost, and that they pervade the entire writings of the New Testament, we shall I think feel that we have unexceptionable witness at least to the fact that the Word contains something beneath and besides its first and historic meaning.  In saying this, I by no means deny the first or literal sense both of the histories and prophecies of the Old Testament; I am only contending that this first and historic sense is not the only one, nor indeed the highest one…”

This comforts me.  There are so many scriptures that the Holy Spirit has used to comfort me where the original context applied to someone else in a different time.  It doesn’t matter.  Every scripture of both the Old and New Testaments are ultimately about Jesus and since “in Him all the promises of God are yes” (1 Corinthians 1:20) and I am in Him; any promise made, regardless of original context, is mine. 

Context is important, even crucial for understanding, but it is not king.  2 Corinthians 3:5-6 says, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth live”.  The proper context of this is comparison of the Mosaic Covenant, or the law, as compared to the New Covenant which is ministered by the Holy Spirit.  And yet, this passage has an application here.  Keeping scriptures cemented in the time and place in which they were written, declaring that promises made to Ancient Israel was for that people in that time, leads to stagnation.  The Spirit enlivens scripture, applies it to our circumstances in this time, and the words become springs of living water within us. 

“Prove all things; hold fast that which is good” is the direction that comes to us through Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians.  When another quotes scripture, I check the context to gain understanding and listen for what The Spirit is saying in this moment.  When someone accuses me of taking scripture out of context, I offer that accusation up to God and listen for what The Spirit is saying.  Then I pray for the accuser that The Spirit will open the eyes of their heart, that they will come to know the freedom that is in Christ Jesus, and that they will see that the letter killeth but The Spirit giveth life.

Scriptures quoted from:

The Holy Bible Old and New Testaments Authorized King James Version, Thomas Nelson, Inc., 2003

Andrew Jukes quotes from:

Jukes, Andrew, The Mystery of the Kingdom, 1884-Based on Public Domain Texts

Entering His Rest

15 Monday Nov 2021

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I’ve been studying The Epistle to the Hebrews using, among other references, Andrew Murray’s “Holiest of All: A Commentary on the Book of Hebrews”.  I quoted from it last week and have decided to do so again this week.  I have not moved much beyond Chapter Thirty-One which is entitled “Rest from Works”.  I understand the truth of “it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20) but living this truth out in my day to day life is a challenge. It is I who gets up every morning, gets ready, and then goes to work.  I am the one people are interacting with every day.  I hold on to that awareness of Christ in me but it is I who gets tired, it is I whose feelings get hurt, and it is I who is tempted to lose her temper.  I am diligent to enter into His rest and do not want to fail to do so through disobedience (Hebrews 4:11), but how do I do it?  What does it look like?

In order to enter His rest I must first see it and the only way to see it is to have the Holy Spirit open my eyes and to show me, as Andrew Murray says; “Jesus as our Joshua, who has entered into God’s presence, who sits upon the throne as High Priest, bringing us in living union with Himself into that place of rest and of love and, by His Spirit within us, making that life of heaven a reality and an experience”.  At the end of Chapter Thirty-Two which is Andrew Murray’s exposition on Hebrews 4:11, he says; “Jesus said, ‘Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls’ (Matthew 11:29).  It was through meekness and lowliness of heart that Jesus found His rest in God.  He allowed God to be all, trusted God for all-the rest of God was His abode.  He invites us to share HIs rest and tells us the secret.  In the meekness and lowliness of Jesus is the way to rest.”

I understand.  I fix my eyes on Jesus.  I take His yoke and am lead by Him.  I learn of Him.  I know this to be true but neither can I deny I don’t always manage to perfectly live my life out of His.  Learning of Him is a process.  I have heard many teachers speak of this life in Jesus as a process but don’t think anyone described it as well as Andrew Murray.  In his chapter notes at the end of Chapter Thirty-One, he says; “’Not I, but Christ” (Galatians 2:20 KJV).  This is the rest of faith in which a man rests from his works.  With the unconverted man it is “Not Christ, but I.”  With the feeble and slothful Christian, “I and Christ: I first, and Christ to fill up what is wanting.”  With increasing earnestness it becomes, “Christ and I: Christ first, but I still second.”  With the man who dies with Christ it is, “Not I, but Christ:’ Christ alone and Christ all.”  He has ceased from his work: Christ lives in Him.  This is the rest of faith.”  This description arrested me and I’ve spent a couple of weeks now pondering it.

I can’t remember ever being unconverted and being in the “Not Christ, but I” mindset. My family moved a lot and church attendance was sporadic but my Mom made sure I was taught of the Lord. In terms of works, there are times I have acted selfishly and have been rebellious but I don’t remember ever thinking I could do whatever I liked because there was no God.

I spent way too much time in the “I and Christ: I first, and Christ to fill up what is wanting” mindset.  I thought it was right. As I got older, life got more structured, and I started regularly attending church, I was taught this was how the Christian life worked. The Bible laid out what my works were to be, I did them, and Jesus would bolster me when my strength failed. There were so many times when I “stepped out in faith” believing for my healing and every time I crashed and burned.  This, of course, meant I was double minded, had doubted, and thus Jesus couldn’t heal me.  My failure was proof I didn’t have enough faith because; couldn’t I do all things through Christ who strengthened me?  If He wasn’t strengthening me, then I had failed somewhere.  I knew of no alternative though because “faith without works is dead” (James 2:17) so I had to keep on. 

I find a perfect description of how I felt in Andrew Murray’s book.  Speaking of Christians, he says: “Their life is one of earnest effort and ceaseless struggling.  They long to do God’s will and to live to His glory.  Continued failure and bitter disappointment is their too frequent experience.  Very often, as the result, they give themselves up to a feeling of hopelessness: ‘It will never be otherwise.’  Theirs is truly the wilderness life-they have not entered into God’s rest.”

What a joy to see that it is not “I and Christ” and “Christ to fill up what is wanting”!  How I rejoice that He has shown me that I live by His life, His faith, His guidance, His strength.  I enter His rest and it is made a reality within me by His Spirit.  Since I know this is my reality, I had difficulty understanding what Andrew Murray meant by “Christ and I: Christ first, but I still second.”  Surely not.  I had ceased from my works and was utterly submitted to Christ.  I was already living in the “Not I but Christ” mindset, wasn’t I?  Yes and no.  I got to thinking of some recent experiences and, in remembering them, I think I have come to an understanding of what Andrew Murray means by “Christ and I: Christ first, but I second.”

While I would like my circumstances to be different, I cannot be sorry for them.  They have been the vehicle through which God has revealed Himself to me.  When He is ready, He will change them and, until then, so be it: I am submitted to the Spirit of God living within me.  I do that which He has put in my hands to do and serve those He has put in my life to serve.  Then there comes the moment when the person I’m delighting to serve overlooks the hundred things I have done and comes up with a hundred and first that I have not.  They are a little disappointed-not much, mind you-but still disappointed that I didn’t even think of the one thing that was most important to them which I ought to have done if I really cared about them.  They are disappointed and maybe a little hurt. 

Here is where I feel the “Christ first, but I second”.  Having just been blindsided, I am angry.  All the past hurts and put downs I’ve let go come rushing back.  The moment I can get by myself, I lay it all before God.  Does He hear how this person talks to me?  Does He see how I am treated?  I do not serve to be thanked-I do all things as unto the Lord-but neither has He called me to be a doormat.  When is it time to shake the dust off my feet and move on to better things?  I am submitted to Him.  I listen for His voice and strive to obey in all things, but don’t my feelings matter?  Christ first, but I second?

No.  Not I at all but Christ and He alone.  My feelings do matter and because I know He loves me and they matter, I can take my hurt and seething rage and pour it out to Him.  He listens, He soothes, and then He invites me to enter into His thoughts and feelings.  He shows me the situation from His perspective where I matter so much He gave His life for me just as He gave His life for the person who has wronged me.

I know who I am in Christ.  I know what I am worth because of what Jesus has done.  No one can affect this truth.  There are many who don’t know and I am to live the reality of “Not I but Christ” every moment, no matter what.  I am to see that what He did for me, He did for everyone else.  He loves the person who has hurt me just as much as He loves me.  I choose not to allow my Self to rule.  I remember that I am not only crucified with Christ but risen with Him.  Everything He has He gives to me.  My life is hid in His.  It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.  I exchange the wilderness life of my own works for the rest life in which God does His perfect work.  Jesus came to give it.  His rest is mine.

All scripture quotes are from:

The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

All Andrew Murray quotes are from:

Murray, Andrew, Holiest of All: A Commentary on the Book of Hebrews, Whitaker House, New Kensington, Pennsylvania, 1996, 2004, Chapters Thirty-One and Thirty-Two, Pages 163-170