My shoulder injury acted up so I couldn’t type up a post for the Isaiah 45:7 study. Instead, I’m posting a poem I wrote years ago after a particularly devastating crisis. The poem still resonates with me and makes me think of 2 Corinthians 5:19: “It was God (personally present) in Christ, reconciling and restoring the world to favor with Himself, not counting up and holding against (men) their trespasses (but cancelling them), and committing to us (of the restoration to favor)” (Amplified).
While living any aspect of the Christian Life is impossible without the Holy Spirit, perhaps especially so is seeing those who have done us great wrong as beloved of and reconciled to God. But, because the Holy Spirit dwells within us, it is possible to see even those who have terribly hurt us with the eyes of Jesus Christ and know what His heart longs for them. That is the message I tried to convey in this poem. I hope the poem blesses you.
Reconciled How could I have made such a mistake? How could I have missed when he lied? My God, where are you?-I looked deep inside; Where are You? Where are You?, I cried. I'm a fool, a failure, I've damaged my pride, How could I have not seen at all? My God, where are You?-I looked deep inside; Where are You? Where are You?, I cried. I am flooded with doubts-they come on all sides, I cannot escape them-I've tried. My God, where are You? I searched far and wide; Where are You? Where are You?, I cried. Did I ignore them? The warnings? The signs? Were they in fact there all the time? My God, where are You? I feel like I've died. Where are You? Where are You?, I cried. Perhaps I was wrong-the Shepherd's voice, Perhaps I can't hear it at all. My God, where are You? I looked deep inside; Are You there? I need You?, I cried. I am here, He answered, I was here all along, Every moment-along for the ride. My God, where were You? I searched far and wide, I need You to hold me!, I cried. Always, My Child, you are here in my hand, Be still and know I am Yours. My God, forgive me!, I sobbed and I cried. Help me forgive him, I've tried. My blood covers all things, both his faults and yours- Do not let them trouble you more. My God, I thank you. I breathed and I sighed. I know it's in You I abide.
Hello and welcome to another post on Renaissance Woman where, this week, I continue to look at the Hebrew letters comprising the word bara which is most often translated “create” in the Old Testament.
I admit I didn’t get far in the study process. As Aleph is the first Hebrew letter and Bet is the second, it was easier to turn the pages of Mr. Haralick’s back and look at Aleph then to flip through to Resh which is the twentieth letter. Thus I am not looking at the letters of bara in the order in which they appear. As I was reading through Mr. Haralick’s entry on Aleph, I was struck by something he said regarding Elohim, the first name of God revealed in scripture. Elohim is spelled Aleph Lamed Hey Yod Mem אלהים and, looking at the letters in reverse order gives us another name of God Yah יה and the root word male מלא (pronounced mall-ay) which means “to fill” or “to be full. Male also means multitude, fullness or filling matter so Elohim can be understood as that aspect of Yah, God, that fills matter. (Haralick, 23)
I have already shared how energy fascinates me and I follow the studies on energy being conducted in Physics and Quantum Physics. Studies are showing that it is energy that was converted to the smallest particles which are the building blocks of atoms and thus of all that exists. I found this quote in Mr. Haralick’s introduction: “…’In the beginning, God created heaven and earth,’ should be rendered; ‘When God began to create heaven and earth’. For the world is continually being created-every day, every hour, even this very instant the world is being sustained by the same primordial creative force with which it came into existence, the force of berishit (בְּרֵאשִׁית), ‘In the beginning.’ If this creative force would depart for even a split second, the world would return to nothingness.” (Haralick, xiii) This quote made me think of Hebrews 1:3 which states Jesus Christ “upholds all things by the word of His power”.
During this study of bara, I have been meditating not only on the Word creating in Genesis 1 but how that Word was energized by the Holy Spirit to bring into being all that exists. I was curious how energy was associated with the Holy Spirit in scripture and so looked it up in my Strong’s Concordance. I didn’t find it. I was so flabbergasted I thought for a moment I’d forgotten how to spell energy and was looking in the wrong place. I had not and was not and had to accept neither Greek nor Hebrew had been translated as “energy”. This both did and did not make sense. I’m sure that energy wasn’t a widely studied concept in 1611 (Publication of the King James Bible) and yet I am surprised more modern translations haven’t used the word energy as it’s there in the Greek.
The Greek word is energia (G1753) and means “energy”. Consider Ephesians 1:19: “and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working (energia) of His mighty power” or Ephesians 3:7 “of which I became a minister according to the gift of the grace of God given to me by the effective working (energia) of His power”. Energia also appears in Ephesians 4:16, Philippians 3:21, Colossians 1:29, Colossians 2:12, 2 Thessalonians 2:9, 2 Thessalonians 2:11.
Why not translate energia by the closest related English word, energy? It might be because energy is a touchy subject among Christians. I conducted an internet search and found articles addressing whether or not God is energy. The consensus among the ones I looked at was a resounding “no!” and I wholeheartedly agree but that doesn’t mean we can’t understand something of how God works by exploring how scripture speaks of energy. However, I see a de-personalization of God going on to the point where He is spoken of as a “presence” or “energy” or, the one that really makes me cringe: “the universe”. I can see why the word “energy” would be avoided as this de-personalization becomes more widespread. I picked up a book called Coffee Shop Conversations by Dale and Jonalyn Fincher and was astonished when Jonalyn shared she’d overhead another woman express her astonishment than anyone still believed in a personal God. It is a tragedy that God is rendered to a mere force or worse yet an aspect of His creation.
I find a similar tragedy in the consideration of creation. I consider scriptures like Hebrews 1:19 and Colossians 1:17 and am not surprised that science is saying it is energy that is converted to matter. It’s a strange thing: I don’t disagree with anyone who says God called all that exists out of nothing because He is before all things. Neither do I quibble with those who say God created all things out of Himself because of the manner in which I create. When I write a poem I first have the thought to do so. I decide on what form I want to use then choose rhyme and meter. Then I sit down and write it and a new thing is brought into the world. This analogy does break down of course because I create out of forms and words that already exist. I am not the source of all poetry whereas God Himself is before all things and is the source of all things. I create a poem because God Himself is a poet and I am made in His image.
I do quibble with those who say the creation is God. He certainly thought it, called it into being, and upholds it by the dunamis of His word but He is no more His creation than I am a poem I write. I am certainly connected to a poem I write and anyone who reads a poem can certainly learn something about me but reading one of my poems doesn’t mean the reader knows me. It’s the same with God. Romans 1:20 says it perfectly: “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse.” God is certainly connected to His creation because it’s His. Creation can show us what He is like but we cannot know Him via creation.
Arthur Conan Doyle wrote something I think pertains to what I am attempting to say. It comes from his story “The Adventure of the Naval Treaty” and is spoken by Sherlock Holmes: “There is nothing in which deduction is so necessary as in religion,” said he, leaning with his back against the shutters. “It can be built up as an exact science by the reasoner. Our highest assurance of the goodness of Providence seems to me to rest in the flowers. All other things, our powers, our desires, our food, are really necessary for our existence in the first instance. But this rose is an extra. Its smell and its colour are an embellishment of life, not a condition of it. It is only goodness which gives extras, and so I say again that we have much to hope from the flowers.” (Doyle, 300)
I agree with Sir Conan Doyle that the goodness of God can be seen in His creation. However, as Andrew Murray says; “Nature speaks of God and His work; but of Himself, His heart, and His thoughts of love toward us as sinners, nature cannot tell. In his deepest misery, man seeks for God-but how often, to all appearance, in vain. But, God be praised, this seeking in vain is not for always. The silence has been broken. God calls man back to fellowship with Himself. God has spoken!” (Murray, 42)
We are not left in ignorance as to how God has spoken. He has spoken to us in His Son (Hebrews 1:1). He has spoken to us in a person and, since seeing Jesus means we have seen the Father (John 14:9) we know that God is Person. We can know Him. We can fellowship with Him. We can have relationship with Him. We can look at what He has made and even attempt to understand how He has made it but all of this is useless unless we look beyond created things and energy and power to the One before it all. That One is love. He loves us so much He gave us this beautiful world to live in and take care of. In the midst of our failure and darkness, He sent His son Jesus Christ to rescue and restore us. Now, He freely pours His Spirit onto and in us so that we live in union with Him.
The Holy Spirit is difficult to understand. Whenever I see Him in scripture He is moving, hovering, vibrating, covering, energizing, and so many other action verbs. He is difficult to describe without using words like “energy” or “power” and, as He is the reticent Person of the Godhead, it can be easy to think of Him in impersonal terms. And yet, in John’s gospel, the Holy Spirit is described in the most personal of terms. He is Helper, Comforter, Teacher, and Guide. Only a Person can be these things.
I believe in a Personal God. I can call Him by name: Jesus. I can know Him as my Father. His Spirit living in me is my very best friend. I live in Union, Fellowship, and Relationship with Him and this is only possible because He is Infinite Person. What He is to me, He is to everyone else. Do not allow this precious life that is yours in Christ Jesus be stolen from you by one who has not seen. This life is the free gift of God. It is difficult to believe that we don’t have to earn it or clean ourselves up first so we are acceptable. The Holy Spirit opens our eyes to this truth, strengthens us, and energizes us so we can receive it.
Who is like our God? Who gives gifts like our God? Our God is an awesome God!
Hallelujah!
Unless noted otherwise, all Scriptures are quoted from The Holy Bible, New King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1982
References
Doyle, Arthur Conan, The Illustrated Sherlock Holmes Treasury, Crown Publishers Inc., 1976
Fincher, Dale & Jonalyn, Coffee Shop Conversations: Making the Most of Spiritual Small Talk, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2010
Haralick, Robert M., The Inner Meaning of Hebrew Letters, Jason Aronson Inc., Northvale, New Jersey, 1995
Murray, Andrew, Holiest of All: A Commentary on the Book of Hebrews, Whitaker House, New Kensington, Pennsylvania, 1996, 2004
Strong, James, LL.D., S.T.D., The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1990
Walker, Allen G. The New Koine Greek Textbook, Volumes 1-4, 2014-2017
I’m not sure how I took this-my hands might have been shaking-but I thought it was cool.
I am continuing in my study of Isaiah 45:7, specifically the study of light. The Hebrew word for light in my passage is owr (H216) and has a fairly basic definition: illumination, luminary (in every sense including lightening, happiness, etc.), bright, clear, day + light (ening), morning, sun. The Hebrew word translated light in my passage is the same word translated light in Genesis 1:3, “And God said, ‘Let there be light’”. I was curious to see if I could learn anything from this but, as I went through other scriptures where owr is used, I wasn’t getting any light on the matter (ha ha).
In the Genesis Account, plants are created before the sun, moon, and stars. The Word of God declares, “…let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night: and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years; and let them be for lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth” (Genesis 1:14-15). The light of Genesis 1:3 cannot be sunlight and I was curious what my science books had to say on the subject.
In John Wiester’s book The Genesis Connection, he writes, “The Universe began at a sharply defined instant in time in a fiery explosion of intense brilliance. In the beginning, pure energy was transforming itself into matter. One of the greatest contributions of nineteenth-century physics was the statement of the law of conservation of energy. In essence this law says that energy can change form, but it is never destroyed. Thus in the Big Bang, pure energy would alter itself into forms of matter about which we can only theorize. The first particles to emerge were photons (particles of light) and neutrinos (subatomic particles that travel through solid bodies at the speed of light). These were almost instantaneously followed by electrons, positrons, protons, and neutrons. Initial temperatures were beyond comprehension, such as one hundred thousand million degrees. The Universe was filled with light.”
I found a similar quote in Mind Maps: Physics by Dr. Ben Still: “It is thought our universe started with a Big Bang. Before this event, there was nothing, including no space for things to move in, or time to grow old by. At some point, some quantum fluctuation triggered energy, space, and time to be unleashed. In the first moments, the universe expanded outward into the nothing faster than the speed of light, a tiny period of time known as inflation. Space and time unfurled like a carpet as the universe doubled in size many times over until it reached about the size of a golf ball. This young universe, much less than one second old, was very hot, as huge amounts of energy were confined to a very small space. In the moments that followed, energy was converted into different forms, including the mass of many fundamental particles. Strong interactions almost immediately bound quarks into baryons and mesons, while electrons and other leptons stood by as spectators. At just minutes old, the universe was a plasma of electrically charged particles, each sharing energy through the exchange of light.”
Both of these quotes paint fascinating mental pictures for me. That beginning must have been glorious and beautiful beyond explanation. I am awed at the thought but don’t feel I am gaining any insight into what light actually is. I continued to peruse both books and in Dr. Ben Still’s book, found a section titled “The Strange Behavior of Light.” In Mr. Wiester’s book, I found: “Light is the key to all life in this world. It is the form of energy that is necessary for all life on Earth. It is an imperfectly understood gift that behaves as both a wave and a particle to provide the energy upon which all life ultimately depends.”
In reading both books, I got the sense that scientists don’t fully understand light and my attention was captured by Mr. Wiester’s words, “imperfectly understood.” I was reminded of 1 John 1:5 which says, “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.” Like the created light that, while studied and knowledge is growing all the time remains imperfectly understood, so does the God who is light remain imperfectly understood. Or, He would if He had not chosen to reveal Himself to us. All through the Old Testament we have God revealing Himself but this revelation is piecemeal. No one person had a complete picture. There are promises like this one in Isaiah: “The Sun shall no longer be your light by day, nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you; But the Lord will be to you an everlasting light, and your God your glory” (60:19). And then, in the fullness if time, every promise was fulfilled.
The Word became flesh and, in Jesus, we see the final, full, and complete revelation of God. John’s Gospel says,”No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him” (John 1:18). Light can now be perfectly understood.
My study has only touched on the darkness mentioned in Isaiah 45:7 as I have looked up scriptures and seen darkness and light mentioned together. I have not looked at all at the word “evil” in the passage and I am interested to see where the study goes as I look at the words that carry a negative connotation. What I can say for certain at this point is that I have often quoted scriptures like, “…that in all things He might have preeminence” (Colossians 1:18) and “God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name” (Philippians 2:9) without fully understanding what they mean. As I study, I am convinced that Jesus is everything.
Jesus Christ is Lord. Jesus Christ is my Salvation, my Peace, my Rest, my Inheritance, my Promised Land, my Health, my Mind, my Source, my Very Life. In Jesus is Life. That life was, is now, and always shall be the light of all mankind. In Him all the promises of God are Yes! This day we declare; “Arise! Shine! For our light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon us!” (Isaiah 60:1).
Amen.
Unless noted otherwise, all scriptures are quoted from The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982
References
Still, Dr. Ben, Mind Maps Physics: How to Navigate the World of Science, 1st Edition, Unipress Books Limited, 2020
Strong, James, LL.D., S.T.D., The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1990
Wiester, John, The Genesis Connection, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1983
I think I can say with certainty that every Christian is aware of the story of the Prodigal Son recounted in Luke Chapter 15. I have heard numerous sermons on this chapter and numerous songs sung but each one have been about the Younger Son or, sometimes, about The Father. I have never heard a sermon on the Elder Brother. That is, until I heard Malcolm Smith preach one: five of them, actually. The timing of these sermons is one of those little coincidences that come only from God.
I had been reading this story and found myself thinking the Elder Brother had a point. Have you ever thought this way? If so, I bet you never told anyone. Everyone knows the Elder Brother was wrong in his attitude. Even so, I couldn’t help thinking the Elder brother was making some valid points. I knew I had to be wrong, but I had no answer as to why. As I said, I had not-up to this point-heard a sermon on the Elder Brother. Even Malcolm Smith, who preaches regularly on Luke 15 and especially the Prodigal Son, had never done a sermon on the Elder Brother that I knew of. I did not know where to find an answer, so I made a journal entry. I prayed about an answer and left the giving of that answer to The Lord and His timing.
First, why did I think the Elder Brother made some valid points? I have been the one not invited to parties. I imagine how the Elder Brother felt coming in from the fields and hearing the music. I imagine how it felt to hear that the Younger Brother had come home and The Father had thrown a party and no one had come out to the field to get him and tell him. I know what it feels like to be overlooked. I can imagine the Elder Brother’s feelings at the fatted calf being slaughtered in celebration of the Younger Brother’s return. The Father had never celebrated the Elder Brother. Perhaps in his grief he never noticed the Elder Brother always there taking care of everything and never thought to throw a party for him. If the Elder Brother was hurt and angry, wasn’t it possible he had good reason? No. Of course not. Everyone knows the Elder Brother was mad that The Father didn’t treat the Younger Brother how he no doubt deserved to be treated. Right? Maybe. All I could say for certain was I had an uncomfortable feeling that I was reading this all wrong, I did not understand what Jesus was saying in this story, and had no idea how to gain understanding.
Within a short time of recording my thoughts in my journal, I reached Malcolm Smith’s Webinar 189 and heard him begin to speak on the Elder Brother. It was liberating to hear him say almost word for word what I’d been thinking: that he’d sometimes thought the Elder Brother had some valid points and knew that he was wrong in thinking so. Mr. Smith then proceeded to preach the first ever sermons I’d heard on the Elder Brother. They are numbers 189-193 on Mr. Smith’s YouTube Channel and I’ll include a link to his channel at the end of his post. I cannot recommend these sermons enough. I found them to be of immense value. Through them I learned that yes, I was mistaken to think the Elder Brother was making valid points. In his own different way, he was as far from The Father as his Younger Brother.
It all boils down to relationship and how neither son had one with The Father. The Younger Son was much more vocal about things by demanding his inheritance but he couldn’t get his without the Elder Brother getting his double portion (see Luke 15:12). The story doesn’t have the Elder Brother offering up a word of protest as the Younger Brother made his demands. And, the Elder Brother’s complaint is not that The Father never celebrated him but that The Father never threw a party for him and his friends. He had no desire to celebrate anything with his father. The Elder Brother had no understanding of The Father’s heart and the story doesn’t say he had any interest in doing so.
The heart of The Father. I have been thinking about this for a while now and thinking about the attitudes of both sons in Jesus’ story. The Younger Son at least came to a place where he could begin to understand the heart of his father and understand that heart was full of love. Jesus leaves the story unfinished. What about the Elder Brother? Does he realize his father loved him so much he left the party to ask him to join? Does he see that his father always loved him? Does he respond to that love and join the celebration or does he remain in his anger? Does he see that he never knew his father or understood The Father’s love? Does he stay outside in the darkness where all he can do is hear the celebration and rage at it?
What will I do? A few weeks ago I wrote that God had invited me to see people as He sees them. This is true but not the entire truth. I and every believer in Jesus, have relationship to the Father because we are in Jesus Christ and His Spirit lives in us (See Ephesians 2:18, John 14:6). John 14:23 says, “…if a man love me, he will keep my words and my Father will love him and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him” (KJV). Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, His is the name above all other names, and He had the preeminence in all things; yet I cannot have a relationship with Him without also having one with The Father. God cannot be separated and wherever and however I meet Jesus, so also do I meet The Father.
I find I don’t have to be afraid of Him. I find He is not wrothing and frothing (to borrow from Joyce Meyer!) and is only restrained from tossing me into hell by the bloody horrific death of His son. No, I find I can trust Jesus words when He says He and The Father are one (John 10:30). I believe that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself (2 Corinthians 5:19). I find The Father is safe. I believe that He so loved the world that He gave.
What is harder to believe is that all of that love, all that He is, is for me. I still feel as if I have to be doing something. I can’t exist just to be the beloved of God, I have to do something. I have to bear fruit, I have to go into all the world, I have to-I have to….I hear His voice saying, “My dear child, you are always with me, all that I have is yours.” I realize then I’ve been working for Him and not having a relationship with Him. I remember I cannot bear fruit on my own but only as I abide in Jesus and His life flows through me. Relationship. I remember my works are worth nothing unless they are the works prepared for me before the world began. I only know what that is within relationship. I remember that I can do good works, give all my money, even offer up my body and none of it means a thing if I don’t have love: the agape love that God is. I only know that love and have it for myself if I have relationship with The Father.
Just this Sunday, the speaker during Service said, “God doesn’t heal in order to use.” I had to write that down and it’s something I’ll be thinking about for a while. How often I have begged to be used by God! The Younger Son had his speech ready and was willing to work as a hired servant. The place he’d known as son was surely no longer for him. The Father didn’t listen. He loved the son, dressed him, restored him, and threw a massive party. I want to know the heart of that Father. I set myself to seek the very heart of God. I seek to cease from my labors and know I am beloved of God. I boldly enter His presence, knowing a new and living way has been given to me by the blood of Jesus (Hebrews 10:19-20, 22). I find it’s not at all what I expected because The Father is having a party and all I have to do is join in.
I’ve been studying The Epistle to the Hebrews using, among other references, Andrew Murray’s “Holiest of All: A Commentary on the Book of Hebrews”. I quoted from it last week and have decided to do so again this week. I have not moved much beyond Chapter Thirty-One which is entitled “Rest from Works”. I understand the truth of “it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20) but living this truth out in my day to day life is a challenge. It is I who gets up every morning, gets ready, and then goes to work. I am the one people are interacting with every day. I hold on to that awareness of Christ in me but it is I who gets tired, it is I whose feelings get hurt, and it is I who is tempted to lose her temper. I am diligent to enter into His rest and do not want to fail to do so through disobedience (Hebrews 4:11), but how do I do it? What does it look like?
In order to enter His rest I must first see it and the only way to see it is to have the Holy Spirit open my eyes and to show me, as Andrew Murray says; “Jesus as our Joshua, who has entered into God’s presence, who sits upon the throne as High Priest, bringing us in living union with Himself into that place of rest and of love and, by His Spirit within us, making that life of heaven a reality and an experience”. At the end of Chapter Thirty-Two which is Andrew Murray’s exposition on Hebrews 4:11, he says; “Jesus said, ‘Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls’ (Matthew 11:29). It was through meekness and lowliness of heart that Jesus found His rest in God. He allowed God to be all, trusted God for all-the rest of God was His abode. He invites us to share HIs rest and tells us the secret. In the meekness and lowliness of Jesus is the way to rest.”
I understand. I fix my eyes on Jesus. I take His yoke and am lead by Him. I learn of Him. I know this to be true but neither can I deny I don’t always manage to perfectly live my life out of His. Learning of Him is a process. I have heard many teachers speak of this life in Jesus as a process but don’t think anyone described it as well as Andrew Murray. In his chapter notes at the end of Chapter Thirty-One, he says; “’Not I, but Christ” (Galatians 2:20 KJV). This is the rest of faith in which a man rests from his works. With the unconverted man it is “Not Christ, but I.” With the feeble and slothful Christian, “I and Christ: I first, and Christ to fill up what is wanting.” With increasing earnestness it becomes, “Christ and I: Christ first, but I still second.” With the man who dies with Christ it is, “Not I, but Christ:’ Christ alone and Christ all.” He has ceased from his work: Christ lives in Him. This is the rest of faith.” This description arrested me and I’ve spent a couple of weeks now pondering it.
I can’t remember ever being unconverted and being in the “Not Christ, but I” mindset. My family moved a lot and church attendance was sporadic but my Mom made sure I was taught of the Lord. In terms of works, there are times I have acted selfishly and have been rebellious but I don’t remember ever thinking I could do whatever I liked because there was no God.
I spent way too much time in the “I and Christ: I first, and Christ to fill up what is wanting” mindset. I thought it was right. As I got older, life got more structured, and I started regularly attending church, I was taught this was how the Christian life worked. The Bible laid out what my works were to be, I did them, and Jesus would bolster me when my strength failed. There were so many times when I “stepped out in faith” believing for my healing and every time I crashed and burned. This, of course, meant I was double minded, had doubted, and thus Jesus couldn’t heal me. My failure was proof I didn’t have enough faith because; couldn’t I do all things through Christ who strengthened me? If He wasn’t strengthening me, then I had failed somewhere. I knew of no alternative though because “faith without works is dead” (James 2:17) so I had to keep on.
I find a perfect description of how I felt in Andrew Murray’s book. Speaking of Christians, he says: “Their life is one of earnest effort and ceaseless struggling. They long to do God’s will and to live to His glory. Continued failure and bitter disappointment is their too frequent experience. Very often, as the result, they give themselves up to a feeling of hopelessness: ‘It will never be otherwise.’ Theirs is truly the wilderness life-they have not entered into God’s rest.”
What a joy to see that it is not “I and Christ” and “Christ to fill up what is wanting”! How I rejoice that He has shown me that I live by His life, His faith, His guidance, His strength. I enter His rest and it is made a reality within me by His Spirit. Since I know this is my reality, I had difficulty understanding what Andrew Murray meant by “Christ and I: Christ first, but I still second.” Surely not. I had ceased from my works and was utterly submitted to Christ. I was already living in the “Not I but Christ” mindset, wasn’t I? Yes and no. I got to thinking of some recent experiences and, in remembering them, I think I have come to an understanding of what Andrew Murray means by “Christ and I: Christ first, but I second.”
While I would like my circumstances to be different, I cannot be sorry for them. They have been the vehicle through which God has revealed Himself to me. When He is ready, He will change them and, until then, so be it: I am submitted to the Spirit of God living within me. I do that which He has put in my hands to do and serve those He has put in my life to serve. Then there comes the moment when the person I’m delighting to serve overlooks the hundred things I have done and comes up with a hundred and first that I have not. They are a little disappointed-not much, mind you-but still disappointed that I didn’t even think of the one thing that was most important to them which I ought to have done if I really cared about them. They are disappointed and maybe a little hurt.
Here is where I feel the “Christ first, but I second”. Having just been blindsided, I am angry. All the past hurts and put downs I’ve let go come rushing back. The moment I can get by myself, I lay it all before God. Does He hear how this person talks to me? Does He see how I am treated? I do not serve to be thanked-I do all things as unto the Lord-but neither has He called me to be a doormat. When is it time to shake the dust off my feet and move on to better things? I am submitted to Him. I listen for His voice and strive to obey in all things, but don’t my feelings matter? Christ first, but I second?
No. Not I at all but Christ and He alone. My feelings do matter and because I know He loves me and they matter, I can take my hurt and seething rage and pour it out to Him. He listens, He soothes, and then He invites me to enter into His thoughts and feelings. He shows me the situation from His perspective where I matter so much He gave His life for me just as He gave His life for the person who has wronged me.
I know who I am in Christ. I know what I am worth because of what Jesus has done. No one can affect this truth. There are many who don’t know and I am to live the reality of “Not I but Christ” every moment, no matter what. I am to see that what He did for me, He did for everyone else. He loves the person who has hurt me just as much as He loves me. I choose not to allow my Self to rule. I remember that I am not only crucified with Christ but risen with Him. Everything He has He gives to me. My life is hid in His. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. I exchange the wilderness life of my own works for the rest life in which God does His perfect work. Jesus came to give it. His rest is mine.
All scripture quotes are from:
The New King James Version of The Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 1982
All Andrew Murray quotes are from:
Murray, Andrew, Holiest of All: A Commentary on the Book of Hebrews, Whitaker House, New Kensington, Pennsylvania, 1996, 2004, Chapters Thirty-One and Thirty-Two, Pages 163-170
Renaissance Woman 
You must be logged in to post a comment.