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Fruit of the Spirit-Joy

29 Monday Mar 2021

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“But the Fruit of the Spirit is…joy” Galatians 5:22

This week, I am looking at Joy.  It has been an interesting week.  It has not been the headlines in my country alone that have been full of violence, hate, anger, and despair.  No, the violence that has and is taking place in my own country is taking place around the world.  In the midst of all that is going on, how can I talk about Joy?  Is it cruel to even mention Joy as a Fruit of the Spirit when there is so much suffering?  I must talk about Joy because it is part of our inheritance in Jesus Christ and is not affected by the evils of this world.  It would be cruel of me if I presented Joy in the Spirit as something we believers could have if we were just better Christians and if I suggested that, since we suffer, we must be failing God in some way.  That is not true.  That is not in the scripture.  That is not what I find in the heart of the God who loves me.  Our Joy is His Joy and it is the gift freely given to us in Christ Jesus our Lord and Saviour.

There is a fallacy regarding the Christian life and I don’t have to look very far to see it perpetuated.  This fallacy is that somehow, we who are partakers of this New Covenant Life in Jesus Christ, have the best of everything, are never touched by sorrow or disease, and lack nothing.  If we do not have the best, experience loss or sickness, and have any sort of need, we have failed in some way to lay hold of our inheritance.  I do not find a scriptural basis for this without doing some serious carving up of the New Testament.  In order to believe this, I have to hold very tightly to a few select scriptures and utterly ignore everything else.  When I look at scripture as a whole, I find the opposite is true.  Jesus Himself tells me, “In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)  The truth of this is carried into the Acts of the Apostles where the souls of the disciples are strengthened by the words, “We must through many tribulations enter the Kingdom of God.”  (Acts 14:22)

The word translated “tribulation” is the Greek word thlipsis (G2347) and has the definition of pressure, affliction, anguish, burden, persecution, tribulation, trouble.  Thlipsis comes from thlibo (G2346) which means to crowd, afflict, narrow, throng.  Here I see a picture of being surrounded by so many problems and difficulties, and sufferings, there isn’t room to move or even breathe.  I have a story that might help give you a picture of this, if you’ll bear with me.

I have always been a lousy athlete especially when it came to team sports.  Basketball in particular was my nemesis.  I can’t count how many times I would be practicing dribbling the ball, the ball would hit the top of my foot, and go shooting off like an arrow.  I spent most of my time chasing the ball and hurting myself than I ever did actually playing basketball.  However, the town I lived in was small and everyone had to have a chance to play.  Now, there was another girl who was a fabulous athlete.  No matter what sport-team or otherwise-she took part in, she excelled.  I am simplifying a bit but the odds of my scoring any points, no matter how often I “kept my eye on the ball” and “followed through” were astronomical.  And so, my one job, if I could manage it, was to get the ball to this girl.  There came a time during a game when I’d managed to retrieve the ball on the rebound.  I couldn’t do much with it and the other team was coming for me.  I found myself on my knees, curled around the ball, staring at the feet of the members of the other team while they all surrounded me.  I was completely hedged in.  There was nothing I could do.  I couldn’t get up.  I called this girl’s name and, all of the sudden, saw a pair of hands I recognized.  I got the ball to her and every member of that team lost interest in me.

I do not mean to trivialize the horrors that beset us in this life.  I tell this story because this is what I picture when life does this to me.  There are times when I am on my knees, curled around myself to protect myself, so beset by tribulations I can’t see anything else.  But I am of good cheer because there is a name I can call on and He is always there.  He lifts me in His hands and I can trust Him to work all things together for good because I love Him and I know I am called according to His purpose.  (Romans 8: 28, paraphrased) When I deliberately picture myself in His hands, when I focus all my attention on Him, my sorrow is swallowed up in Joy.

How can I say this?  Life is not a basketball game.  There is terrible suffering and there is death.  How can I say death is good?  I do not.  Death is an enemy.  I do not know how God is going to take all the horrible things humans have done to each other since Cain slew Abel, all the sicknesses and diseases we have suffered, and work them for good.  I do not have a satisfactory answer on why God continues to allow such sufferings other than the one I find where, while speaking of humankind, the Writer of the Hebrews says, “For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him, But now we do not yet see all things put under him.  But we see Jesus…” (Hebrews 2: 8-9)

I see Jesus.  I see the One despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, the One who bore my griefs, carried my sorrows, was wounded for my transgressions, bruised for my iniquities, the One by whose stripes I am healed. (Isaiah 53: 3-5, paraphrased).  I count myself among the blessed mourners, blessed not because I mourn but because I am comforted.  My comfort comes from the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, the Comforter Himself.  I am not ashamed because I do not always feel joy.  My heart breaks, I grieve, I get tired of living a life in pain: all of this is real and I feel it.  But, I look through all of that to Jesus in whom I live, and move, and have my being.  My life is hid in His.  I am aware of Him always with me, undergirding me, infusing His strength in me.  It is His Joy that is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10) and my feelings eventually align with this truth.  It is no longer I who live, it is Christ who lives in me and I rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.  (1 Peter 1:8)

My life flows on in endless song;
Above earth’s lamentation,
I hear the sweet, tho’ far-off hymn
That hails a new creation;
Thro’ all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul—
How can I keep from singing?

What tho’ my joys and comforts die?
The Lord my Saviour liveth;
What tho’ the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night he giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it,
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his—
How can I keep from singing?

-Robert Wadsworth Lowry, 1868

All scriptures quoted from the New King James Version of the Holy Bible, Thomas Nelson, Inc., 1982

Fruit of the Spirit-Introduction

15 Monday Mar 2021

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My blog counter ticked over 100 followers!  Thank you. 

It has also been a year since I decided to start blogging again.  I wasn’t sure what I was going to blog about but, like Jeremiah, words burned inside of me and I couldn’t hold them in (Jeremiah 20:9).  I spent a great deal of time in prayer before deciding to return to blogging because it was then and still is important to me that any words I write be ones My Father would have me write.  I have sought the leading of the Holy Spirit and, I mention it in my bio but am stating it here; this blog has not gone according to plan.  At least, not my plan.  My prayer continues to be that the Holy Spirit guides me and that each post will be only ever what He would have me write.

To that end: I am initiating a new study series on the Fruit of the Spirit.  I did not intend to.  I planned a series on the Epistle to the Hebrews.  I would also like to do a post on the Hittites!  I am certain each of my readers is just as fascinated as I am with ancient world cultures. 😉 One day, perhaps, if Father wills it so.  As that time is not now, I will be devoting the next several weeks to the Fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”.

What do I hope to achieve by this study?  A greater understanding of the Holy Spirit.  A greater understanding of what His work in my life looks like.  I want this fruit to come to maturity in my life.  The list is an incredible one.  I am awed if I pick just one and stare at it.  For example, peace.  Is it possible to have peace in my life when I am in the midst of such upheaval?  Yes, it is.  More than that, peace is not something I have.  To clarify: it is something I have because I do not have it in myself but it is not some attribute outside of me I have to somehow lay hold of.  What I want this study to cement for me is that I have peace because peace is a person.  I have peace because I have Jesus who is my peace and I partake of the peace He is because of the Holy Spirit living in me.  Therefore, I do not seek to get peace.  Rather, I seek to come to rest in the knowledge that One who is peace lives in me and I live from Him.

It has been seventeen, maybe eighteen years (time starts to run together a bit for me) since dissatisfaction with the state of my spiritual life caused me to go to my mother and say, “I want to learn more about the Holy Spirit.”  She wanted that as well and so we started…where to start?  What is the Holy Spirit?  I had a few answers from my church-going background.  He’s the Third Person of the Trinity.  What does that mean?  Here’s where answers would get hazy and vague.  As I listened to those who ought to know attempt to tell me about the Holy Spirit, I couldn’t help but get the idea he was a great deal like the Force: He was everywhere and He was power.  I learned nothing that helped me.

I find Him so very interesting as I look back:  my mother and I expressed a wish to learn more about the Holy Spirit and within a few weeks a friend shared with us a series of writings that blew our tiny religious worlds apart.  Within a few more months, I had experienced a crisis that left my life hanging in tatters.  I was devastated.  I didn’t know what to believe or if, indeed, I believed anything at all.  It was at once a horrendous and wonderful place to be in because I discovered the Holy Spirit.  I say “discovered” but it really isn’t like that at all.  I suppose it’s more accurate to say He opened my eyes to see Him.  To know Him.

In the midst of my shambles, I learned He was everything Jesus promised He would be in the 14th Chapter of John’s gospel.  He revealed Himself as Comforter.  He was so gentle with my broken heart.  He didn’t turn from me because I’d made mistakes but made Jesus alive to me in a way He’d never been before.  Jesus, the One who bore my shame and who cleanses me from all sin.  The One who enables me to stand before the Father unashamed, certain that I am accepted.

When my eyes were opened to His Presence, I was able to look back over the dark, lonely, and frightening bits of my past and see that He was always with me.  I was not ever alone, He hadn’t abandoned me in that moment when certainly I deserved for Him to have done, and I’ve lived every moment of every day since then aware of Him.  He will not ever leave me.  He cannot for He is not separate from me.

So, who is the Holy Spirit?  I’ve addressed the word another before but, again: Jesus said he would send “another comforter” and the word another here means, another of the same sort.  (See Allos G243 in Strong’s Concordance and “Another” in Vine’s Expository Dictionary).  Another: different and yet the same.  In Ezekiel 36:27, God says “I will put My Spirit within you” so the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God and, indeed, I see as much in Acts 13:2 where the Holy Spirit speaks as God. 

How do we believers explain the nature of God?  He is Triune, we say: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Three and yet One.  Impossible, I have heard some say, and the term “Trinity” isn’t in the Bible.  No, I agree that it isn’t but I don’t know of a better word unless I use “Perichoresis”.  It’s a beautiful word used to describe the relationship Father, Son, and Holy Spirit share with each other.  I have another word I like to use when I think of the nature of God: paradox.  He is (in my opinion) the ultimate paradox.  He is Three distinct Persons but exists in such perfect love relationship union that it’s impossible for Him to be separate. My spirit, in union with His Spirit cries in joy, “The Lord Our God, The Lord is One!” (Deuteronomy 6:4, Mark 12:29).

I know this post is a bit long but I want to make clear what I believe and where I stand as I begin to study the Fruit of the Spirit.  I hope I have done so.  If not, I hope it becomes clear as I begin, next week, looking at the first fruit: love.

To be continued…

Being Nonconformist

01 Monday Feb 2021

Posted by in Personal Essays, Writing

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My Mom and I were talking about bargains.  I love a bargain. In fact, I rarely make a purchase unless it is a bargain. I was re-thinking a purchase I didn’t make because it was an excellent deal but it was something I did not need. Just because something is a bargain doesn’t mean the money needs to be spent. 

My Mom agreed and told a story about her father receiving several pairs of silk socks one Christmas: a bargain his mother could not pass up.  My grandfather hated these socks.  Mom said he thought they were uncomfortable and his feet sweat in them something terrible.  Whatever his mother paid for them was too much.  Which got me thinking…

Does anyone remember the silk shirt fashion trend?  This had to be late 80s early 90s.  Everyone was wearing them and I wanted one so badly.  I don’t remember if I saved my allowance or talked my mother into purchasing one for me but there came the day I found myself the possessor of a dark teal silk shirt.  How proud I was of it!  What a beautiful color!  How wonderful I would now fit in with all the IT people who had their own silk shirts!  How I hated this shirt every time I wore it! 

There was not enough antiperspirant in the world to keep my armpits from sweating in this shirt.  I was anxious every time I wore my coveted silk shirt, certain that I was going to end up with large wet spots under my arms.  I don’t remember if I ever did raise my arms in that shirt.  I do know I didn’t wear it more than a handful of times.

What a waste of money that was.  What an awful fashion trend.  Remembering got me wondering…was everyone else having the same experience?  Did silk shirts become a fashion trend because everyone was looking at everyone else wearing them and, too embarrassed to admit to excessive sweating, endured?  Perhaps everyone else loved their shirts and it was only me who experienced the sweating.  If so, it begs the question: why did I ever wear that shirt more than once?  Was my desire to fit in so overwhelming I was willing to endure discomfort?  The sad truth is yes, it was. 

The way of fitting in has always escaped me.  I tried fixing my hair like the popular girls, wearing the same clothes, trying to understand what they liked and talked about and it never worked.  I think I’ve managed to misplace most of the photos from that era!  I still can’t think of the words “spiral perm” without wincing.  I never got the fashions quite right.  It is a truth I must still acknowledge that what looks adorable on another woman will not look the same on me.  I am always ever too something and it doesn’t fit right.  I also acknowledge my personal taste never quite conforms.  I can’t count how many times I left my house thinking I’d finally nailed it only to arrive at school and learn no, I had not.  

I am now a mature woman who has found my identity in Christ.  I am comfortable in my skin and my clothes and I thank Jesus for that.  I also thank Him that I can look back on what were painful experiences at the time and see that there is a lesson to be learned from them. 

Romans 12:2 says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”  It might surprise you to know that the Greek word translated “world” here is not kosmos (Strong’s G2889) which means “orderly arrangement or decoration” and is the word translated “world” most often in the New Testament.  Nor is it oikoumene (Strong’s G3625) which means “land, the terrene part of the globe, earth”.  No, the word translated “world” in this passage is aion (Strong’s G165) and means “an age”.  What’s the difference?

Vine’s Expository Dictionary says kosmos is “primarily order, arrangement, ornament, adornment and is used to denote the earth…the universe owing to the order observable in it…the human race…the sum of temporal possessions.”  Oikomene “is used of the whole inhabited world” and aion is “an age, a period of time, marked in the N.T. usage by spiritual or moral characteristics…details concerning the world in this respect; its cares…its sons…its rulers…its wisdom…its fashion…its character”1  The entry also states “Aion is always to be distinguished from kosmos, even where the two seem to the express the same idea” and gives the example of Ephesians 2:2: …where you once walked after the course (aion) of this world (kosmos).2

What defines the age Paul admonishes me not to be conformed to in his letter to the Romans?  I do not think I am mistaken to say it is a way of thought because after telling me to “be not conformed” Paul says “be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  In other letters, Paul tells us to “let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:5) and to “be renewed in the spirit of your mind (Ephesians 4:23)”. 

I have found that the rules of school followed me into adult hood.  Not that the clothes I wear are of utmost importance-though that is still a thing-but; if I want to fit in, if I want to belong, I must conform to an acceptable way of thought.  Perhaps I’m straining a metaphor but the thoughts of this age fit me like that silk shirt.  Maybe everyone else is comfortable in it but I am not and I am not the same person willing to suffer anxiety and endure discomfort so that I can fit in with everyone else.  My desire is no longer focused on fitting in.  I want to know Jesus.  I want to explore the vastness of my inheritance in Him, I want to live His life, and I want to think His thoughts.  All of this is possible for me because He has placed His Spirit within me.

The renewing of my mind In Christ is not always comfortable but He is always safe.  I imagine the word-picture painted in the story of the Husbandman in the 15th chapter of John.  There are necessary prunings and they can be painful but He does not seek to destroy me because I don’t conform to His way of thinking.  Rather, every work in my life makes me more the Me I was always intended to be and thus I am transformed into his way of thinking.  So, I live.  Yet, not I.  It is Christ who lives in me.  It’s a wondrous, glorious, awesome mystery.

And, if Isaiah 61:10 and Colossians 3:12 are any indication, I’ll be wearing some pretty cool garments.

  1. Vine, W.E., Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Old & New Testament Words, 1997, Nashville, Tennessee, Thomas Nelson Publishers, World, Pages 1245-1246
  2. Vine, W.E., Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Old & New Testament Words, 1997, Nashville, Tennessee, Thomas Nelson Publishers, World, Page 1246

The Letter of the Word

18 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by in Hebrew Words, Studies

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As I have progressed in my relationship with Jesus, I have found my study habits changing.  I suppose such a thing ought to be obvious but I noticed the change and have wondered at it.  For example, I no longer do those “Read the Bible in a Year” plans.  I do not say there is anything wrong with them.  I have enjoyed making my way through different plans-sometimes historical, sometimes chronological, and seeing different patterns emerge.  And yet, there were times when I would read a particular scripture and it would spark something in me.  I would think about taking time to study it but I could not as I had my plan to adhere to.  I would promise myself to come back to it but another year meant another plan and I didn’t have a great deal of time to devote to one scripture.

I don’t do that anymore.  Now, if I see something I sink down into that passage until the Holy Spirit directs my attention to another.  This happened during my study of John 3:5.  I wrote in a previous post how scripture references and commentaries in my different Bible translations and study materials drew my attention to Ezekiel 36: 25-27.  I commenced a word study on those verses and such vistas opened it was difficult not to travel down some of these new paths and to stay focused on what I was attempting to learn about John 3:5.  While I do not think I am finished with John 3:5 either, I’m ready to take a look at some of these trails I’ve never been down and see what I find.

I was curious about the Hebrew word used for “give” as in “I will give you a new heart”.  The word translated “put” in some of my translations (like the NKJV) as in “I will put a new spirit within you” is the same Hebrew word translated “give” only a few words before.  I wondered if it might not contain the idea of birthing but it does not.  The word is nathan: number 5414 in my copy of The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.  There is a rather long entry for nathan and it’s worth reading through.  In sum, translating nathan as “give” is an accurate translation. 

Now, I find my Strong’s an invaluable resource but there are times merely looking up the Greek and Hebrew and getting a definition is a bit of a let down.  I have other dictionaries and commentaries which can be helpful and I have a Hebrew lexicon coded with Strong’s numbers and arranged so the word and its root are listed together along with every scripture the word is found.  Reading the word in other passages and seeing how it’s used is helpful but I can’t help wondering whether that is all I can learn.

Fortunately, I have a book called The Inner Meaning of the Hebrew Letters by Robert M. Haralick and I have Google.  With these two resources, I am introduced to a world where the Hebrew letters themselves have forms and final forms and meanings that help to show me who God is.

Take nathan: it is written nun, tav, and nun in its final form.  Before I make it passed the Table of Contents in Mr. Haralick’s book, I see that Nun means Emergence and Tav means True Law.  I find that fascinating.  Ezekiel 36:27 says “I will put (nathan) my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.”  In looking at the first two letters of nathan I see God at work.  Emergence = He puts or gives and True Law = we walk in his statutes, keep His judgments, and do them.  It’s with a sense of excitement and anticipation that I read the entries for these letters.

Mr. Haralick begins his entry for nun by stating “The fourteenth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is nun spelled nun-vav-nun.” (I’ve used English spelling-Mr. Haralick uses the Hebrew letters)  He goes on to say that in Aramaic, the word nun means fish while in Hebrew the word is the root to sprout, spread, propagate, or shine.  I am not unfamiliar with the word nun as I’ve read many times “Joshua, the son of Nun” and Mr. Haralick goes on to say, “Every instance of the word nun (spelled nun-vav-nun) in the Pentateuch is in the phrase “son of Nun”.  He includes the scripture references in his footnotes but reviews Deuteronomy 31:23, 1:38, and 34:9 concluding, “That which is in emergence does not immediately accomplish what is to be accomplished for what is to be accomplished takes place later in time.  It is the son of Nun, Joshua, the offspring of Nun, who goes into the land and causes us to inherit it.  The father, Nun, emergence, does not go into the Promised Land.  Therefore, when we are engaging in emergence we are charged to be strong and of good courage for it will take time for our emergence to produce something seeable.  And in emerging, we shall be full of the spirit of wisdom.”  

There are pages more information on nun, its cognates, how its meaning affects other words it is part of, and what its numerical value means.  I also found an online resource (lightedway.org) which has a study on nun so, once again, I find looking into the meaning of anything, even a letter, is no small undertaking.

For now though, I have to pause and reflect on the bit I’ve shared.  I see a picture of Jesus in Mr. Haralick’s words.  Our inheritance, our Promised Land if you will, is in Him.  He is the one that brings us to the Father and restores the relationship.  He is Yeshua, He who saves; the one who brings us into the Holy of Holies through Himself.  He is the one who puts in His life in us yet we do not immediately experience His fullness but rather, are transformed into His image from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).  We can be strong and of good courage because we know that He who began a good work in us will complete it in the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).

To Him be the glory unto the Age of the Ages.  Amen.

I drew my last paragraph from the following scriptures:  Hebrews 10:20, Colossians 1:27, John 14:6, Ephesians 1:11-17, Romans 6:23, 2 Corinthians 5:19, and James 1:17

Quotes taken from:

Haralick, Robert M., The Inner Meaning of Hebrew Letters, Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale, New Jersey, 1995, pages 207-208

Birth or Baptism

04 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by in Gospel and Letters of John, Studies

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What have I been saying over the last seven weeks?  Am I saying that since I don’t believe John 3:5 is speaking of water baptism that I don’t think water baptism is important?  Not at all.  As I read through the Book of Acts, I find that water baptism was a vital part of the life of a Christian.  I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Vincent that baptism “is a truthful sign only as the sign of an inward and spiritual grace.”1 The reason for this study was my quibble with the statement made on social media that water baptism was a law laid down by Jesus.  A church in my area came across my Facebook feed and, when I checked out their statement of faith, I saw that they said practically the same thing.  The statement of faith used “ordinance” rather than law but that’s merely a fancier way of saying the same thing. 

What’s the big deal?  If people are getting saved and baptized anyway, what does it matter if water baptism and born of water are or are not the same thing? It matters to me.  It matters because I am concerned when leaders start using the word “law” when it comes to the life of Jesus in us.  I am also concerned when the keeping of the law of being baptized in water is put forward as the interpretation of John 3:5 when Jesus goes on to say, “no man can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.”  This is serious.  Jesus was serious when he said it.  The true meaning of His words is vital.

That being born of water has to mean something other than water baptism, something that must take place on the inside of a person, is made clear by Luke 17 verses 20 and 21: “Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, ‘The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say ‘Here it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.’” The King James Version has it “the kingdom of God is within you.”  If it is within, then John 3:5 has to be talking about an inward change-the new heart and new spirit God promises in Ezekiel 36-because, on its own, water baptism has no ability to birth anyone into anything other than a denomination. 

I follow a Facebook page called A.W. Tozer-A man of God and this page recently shared an excerpt from his sermon “Spiritual Readiness”.  It struck me when I read “The evangelical church has come through a period when nearly everyone has believed that there is just one prerequisite to readiness: being born again.  We have made being born again almost like receiving a pass to a special event-when Jesus returns we whip out the pass to prove our readiness.”  I feel this way about keeping laws: no one will ever convince me that ticking my Christian box next to water baptism in any way prepares me to “let this same mind be in me that was in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5, paraphrased), or “to be molded into the image of His Son (and share inwardly of His likeness)” (Romans 8:29).

But then, what about Mark 16: 16; “He who believes and is baptized will be saved: but he who does not believe will be condemned”?  Is this passage talking of water baptism?  Romans 5:9 says “Therefore, since we are now justified (acquitted, made righteous, and brought into right relationship with God) by Christ’s blood, how much more (certain is it that) we shall be saved by Him from the indignation and wrath of God?” Ephesians 1:7 says “In Him we have redemption (deliverance and salvation) through His blood, the remission (forgiveness) of our offenses (shortcomings and trespasses) in accordance with the riches and the generosity of His gracious favor”.  No mention of water baptism.  Perhaps Jesus meant water baptism after believing in Him but, again, there is something that must happen inside us before the water baptism means anything.

John the baptizer said Jesus was the one who would baptize with “the Holy Spirit and with fire” (Matthew 2:11).  I want to share two scriptures about fire.  Jeremiah 23:29 says “Isn’t my word like fire, asks Adonai, like a hammer shattering rocks?” The writer to the Hebrews states “our God is a consuming fire!” (Hebrews 12:29)  Perhaps I’m pushing the point too hard but, in doing this study, I am convinced that being born of water and the spirit does mean being born of the Word and the Spirit. Jesus is the Word (John 1:1) and “The Word of the Lord endures forever.  And this Word is the good news which was preached to you.” (1 Peter 1:25)  There are so many more beautiful scriptures, some of which I’ve quoted in the previous installments of this study, so I close with this thought.

Maybe I have misunderstood and these leaders don’t really mean law law.  Perhaps all they mean is that baptism is important and I’ve said I don’t disagree.  Here’s my problem: a simple Google search shows people are reaching out and asking whether or not they are saved if they’ve never been baptized.  Is the sprinkling practiced by some denominations enough or do they have to be full on immersed?  What about the baptizing of infants?  I also recently heard that certain denominations recognize the baptism of certain other denominations but not all.  So, in order to be sure I’m saved, I have to be sure I’ve been baptized by the correct denomination?  This sounds like the “doctrines of baptism” spoken about by the writer to the Hebrews (Chapter 6 verse 2).

I wanted to do this study because, when I am looking online, I rarely see anyone pointing out that an inward change is what’s is of paramount importance.  What’s even more distressing to me, is that I rarely see anyone talking about the Holy Spirit.  He’s treated like He’s the icing on the Christian life-nice but not really necessary-or reserved for a certain few who have a deeper life or deeper conversion.

No.  “But you are not living the life of the flesh, you are living the life of the Spirit, if the Holy Spirit of God (really) dwells within you (directs and controls you).  But if anyone does not possess the (Holy) Spirit of Christ, he is none of His (he does not belong to Christ is not truly a child of God).”  This is Romans 8:9 and I would encourage you to read all of Chapter 8.  I’ll quote verses 14 and 15: For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For (the Spirit which) you have now received (is) not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption (the Spirit producing sonship) in (the bliss of) which we cry, Abba! Father!  

If you have been baptized, wonderful.  If you have not, I hope you have the peace to know it doesn’t affect your salvation.  My prayer is that our eyes are opened to see “by (means of the personal agency of) one (Holy) Spirit we were all, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free, baptized (and by baptism united together) into one body and all made to drink of one (Holy) Spirit.”  Christ in us, His life in us testified to us by His Spirit, is the water and Spirit that births us into His kingdom. 

Even so, Come Lord Jesus.

  1. Vincent, Marvin R., D.D., Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament Volume II, Peabody, Massachusetts, Hendrickson Publishers, Gospel of John, 5. Born of Water and the Spirit, Page 92.

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The Cleansing Word

21 Monday Dec 2020

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In The Grammar of Complexity, I shared the idea that “born of water and the spirit” from John 3:5 means being born of the Word of God and the Spirit of God.  I believe this interpretation because of my personal experience, a baptism story I find in the Book of Acts, and various scriptures throughout the New Testament. First things First.  I have been the recipient of an immersion baptism and it happened like this:

It was only a few years after my devastating car accident.  I’d moved here to Colorado and was feeling somewhat adrift.  What was I supposed to do when the planned on college degree was no longer an option and I still had yet to figure out what being differently-abled really meant?  One of my mother’s old friends came into town to attend a conference given by an evangelist she liked and invited me to go along.  I did so and ended up receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  I attended the church that had hosted the evangelist and was a regular attendee for close to two years before I was baptized.  I did it all backwards if water baptism is supposed to be part of the new birth.  The word in seed form had been planted in me throughout my childhood by various teachers at various times and was sinking roots and growing even though it often times didn’t feel like it, then I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, and finally was baptized in water.  That water baptism was my declaring a change that had already taken place and my commitment to the new life that had been birthed in me.

I imagine you saying, “I’m not concerned with the experience of some random person.  Experience does not theology make.”  I agree which is why I turn your attention to Acts Chapter 10.  There is a fascinating story here about a centurion named Cornelius.  No one among the apostles was looking to baptize Cornelius.  The entire chapter shows God at work bringing about what He wanted.  I encourage you to read it: it’s a wonderful chapter.

In brief, Cornelius was fasting when an angel of God appeared to him and told him to send for Peter.  The angel told Cornelius what city Peter was in and who he was lodging with before departing.  Cornelius sends two from his household in the company of one of his soldiers who, it appears, was also a believer.  They go to Joppa to get Peter and bring him to Cornelius.  While they are traveling, Peter has the great vision of the sheet bound at the four corners descending from heaven filled with all sorts of animals and creatures he’d been forbidden to eat.  The command came from God to kill and eat to which Peter strenuously objected and then came the reply; “What God has cleansed you must not call common.”  This happens three times and then the sheet is taken up to heaven.

While Peter is wondering what his vision means, the Spirit tells him there are some men seeking him.  He goes down to Cornelius’ men, hears why they have come, and the next day he and some of the brethren return with them.  Meanwhile, Cornelius has called together his relatives and close friends in anticipation of Peter’s arrival.  Peter arrives and explains why he came and Cornelius shares his vision.  Peter begins preaching the word that is Jesus coming, crucified, and resurrected and something amazing happens.  The Holy Spirit falls on everyone who heard the word.  The brethren that came with Peter were amazed because the Holy Spirit had been poured out on Gentiles and I imagine a great part of their amazement was because most of these Gentiles were Romans.  It is after this, the word preached and the Holy Spirit poured out, that Cornelius and his household are baptized. 

The lack of water baptism was no hindrance to God.  A metanoia had already happened in Cornelius and how I wish it was described in scripture!  Imagine a man growing up in the Ancient Roman world with its myriad gods coming to know the true God of Jacob.  How did that happen?  I can only imagine.  God Himself had Cornelius send for someone to preach the word to him and his household, then came the outpouring in the Holy Spirit, and then baptism.  It’s all backwards, if indeed water baptism has anything to do with being born again.

In 1 Corinthians 1, Paul addressed some contentions that seem to have arisen due to who had baptized whom. Paul says, “for Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel” (verse 17).  I am convinced that if “born of water” meant water baptism, and that NOT being baptized in water was serious enough that a person could not enter the kingdom of God (John 3:5), Paul’s ministry to the Gentiles would have looked very different.

In closing this week’s post, I wish to share a few scriptures:

Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first-fruits of His creatures. James 1:18

Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him.  1 John 5:1

Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever. 1 Peter 1:22-23

Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. Ephesians 5:25-26

For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified. But the Holy Spirit also witnesses to us; for after He had said before, “’This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days,’ says the Lord: ‘I will put My laws into their hearts and in their minds I will write them’ (Jeremiah 31:33), then He adds, ‘Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more’” (Jeremiah 31:43). Now where there is remission of these, there is no longer an offering for sin.  Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Hebrews 10:14-22

To be continued…

Scriptures taken from the New King James Version

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Continue to Part Seven

A New Heart

07 Monday Dec 2020

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Conducting a word study on a passage is an undertaking most fascinating.  Sometimes, as I trace the words to their roots in the original language, a picture forms that makes the scripture leap off the page.  Other times, while the original meaning doesn’t reveal anything surprising, the words usage-or lack thereof-in other scriptures proves to be fascinating.  Such proved to be the case with my word study on Ezekiel 36: 25-27.

A quick recap: I decided on the word study when I was referred back to this passage by several different sources I used in my study of John chapter 3.  I found it fascinating that both the sources that assured me that the “born of water” in John 3:5 did mean water baptism as well as those that assured me it did not referenced me back to Ezekiel 36.  I decided to see for myself.

I do try not to undertake any study with preconceived ideas as to the meaning of scripture.  This is not easy as I have been a Christian all of my life and still find I carry ideas picked up from my church going days that are based on a doctrinal tradition rather than scripture.  The Holy Spirit is steadily rooting those out but, during this study, I caught myself mentally linking scriptures together that do not necessarily mean what I think they mean.

What do I mean?

It’s probably obvious by now that I do lean towards the interpretation that “born of water” does not mean water baptism but does, rather, mean an inward working of Jesus through the Holy Spirit.  (See last week’s post)  My study of Ezekiel 36: 25-27 seemed to bear this out.  God does say He “will sprinkle clean water” and “will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.”  Despite this, I do think it’s a stretch to infer water baptism from this passage and even more of a stretch to think Jesus would have expected Nicodemus to make the association.  There is no mention of the ritual cleansing established in the law in all of chapter 36. The cleansing mentioned in my study scriptures is an intention of God and comes from the hand of God.  Verse 22 states “I do not do this for your sake, O house of Israel, but for My holy name’s sake…” John’s baptism was to the repentance of sins and I intend to go into this in more depth next week.  Suffice for this post, the Greek word translated repentance is metanoia (G3341) and means a change of mind1.  Important, necessary, but I do not see how such a baptism is synonymous with Jesus’s expounding on what it means to be born anew in John 3:5.  I am becoming convinced such a thing is a work of God inside of us rather than an outward immersion in water and these verses in Ezekiel seem to make this clear. However, I am not interested in bending scripture to support my own conviction:  I want to know the truth and am open to my word study showing me otherwise.

It didn’t do so. Verse 26 states “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you.”  Here I find that same dual action of God described in John 3:5.  I was so excited!  “I get it!” I exclaimed to myself and my mind was flooded with other scriptures.  This is what metanoia must look like because Proverbs 23:7 says “as he thinks in his heart so is he” so this change in heart would of course result in a change of mind.  And then, thought I, Matthew 5:1 says “blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God” and I just bet that “See God” in this passage is the same as “See the Kingdom of God” in John 3:5. 

I do not wish to get into an argument over translations of the Bible, i.e. which is better/more accurate/most useful.  What I do wish to say here is that, just because a translator used the same English words in different passages, does not mean they are the same words in the original languages.  The words translated “see” in these two passages in the King James Version are not the same in the Greek.  The Hebrew word translated “heart” in my study scriptures is not the same as the Hebrew word translated “heart” in Proverbs 23:7.  Does this mean I am wrong in my assumptions?  Not necessarily.  What it does mean is that there are layers of meanings in these scriptures not immediately evident when I read them in English and are thus worthy of more study.  It also shows me how important it is to lay aside all my preconceived notions and focus only on what’s in the text.  It is supremely exciting to see that there is something new to discover.  Word studies do feel a bit like unearthing buried treasure.

And so, what treasures did I find in Ezekiel 36: 25-27?  As I conducted my study, I couldn’t help verses from Psalm 51 from coming to mind.  On a whim, I took a look at the words for “clean”, “heart”, and “spirit” in Psalm 51:10 and compared them to the same words in Ezekiel.  They were, each one, the same Hebrew.  Perhaps such a thing ought to be obvious but, since I found other Hebrew words translated “clean”, “heart”, and even “spirit” in other passages, I thought it best to verify. 

Do you know Psalm 51:10?  “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”  This is a cry of David’s heart after the fiasco with Bathsheba.  It has been the cry of my heart many times.  As my study unfolded, it seemed to me that the promise of God in Ezekiel 36 was in answer to David’s plea in Psalm 51.  David cries out for a clean heart and right spirit and God promises a new heart and spirit.  Indeed, He promises His spirit (verse 27).

That’s all well and good, I imagine some of you saying, but what does that have to do with the material point?  Not a thing.  Nothing in this study led me to the conviction that these verses in Ezekiel ought to have suggested the water baptism being performed by John to the mind of Nicodemus. Still, I find I cannot unequivocally say that “born of water” in John 3:5 does not mean baptism.  There is still study I need to perform.

To be continued…

  1. Vine, W.E., Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Old & New Testament Words, 1997, Nashville, Tennessee, Thomas Nelson, Inc., 952.  

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Born of Water

16 Monday Nov 2020

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I began a word study on John 3:16 over the weekend because I have been thinking about the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt”.  While I don’t feel contempt for scripture-far from it!-I have been thinking about certain verses and how familiarity with them can definitely breed complacency.  This is especially true with John 3:16.  I can’t count how many times I’ve heard it quoted and have quoted it myself.  It can be found on t-shirts, hats…it is one of the most widely known verses in the Bible.  With this in mind, I asked myself: am I sure I know what this verse is saying?  Can I be certain I know what it means?  That answer is, of course, no: the Holy Spirit always has something more to reveal.  And so, I started a word study on John 3:16.

I begin any study on scripture with a prayer to the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of my understanding and then I open my Comparative Study Bible and reference books.  I use many references when doing a word study.  I want to know as much as I can about how the word I’m looking at was used elsewhere in scripture, how was it used in the vernacular of the day, and what interpretations there have been by other teachers past and present.  I started with looking up the words in both the Strong’s and Young’s concordances and then took a look at the commentaries I have.  While I did find a few interesting things I hope to share at a later time, my attention was diverted off my selected verse.  I’d prayed about John 3:16 but the Holy Spirit turned my attention to a word study I’d done a few months ago on baptism.  The teacher during Sunday morning’s Zoom church message spoke about the beauty of baptism which made me realize I needed to take a second look at that previous study.  Thus, this post will not be about John 3:16 but rather John 3:5.  Again, I expected one answer from God and He pointed me toward something else. 

I’d first done the study on John 3:5 because of a social media post I’d seen talking about the sacraments of baptism and the Eucharist.  I didn’t disagree with anything the post had said about the importance of baptism and the Eucharist but I wasn’t sure I agreed that baptism was the subject of John 3:5.  Curious, I did a word study, made some notes, and then put them aside until last night when I picked up one of my reference books.  Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament said “That water points definitely to the rite of baptism and that with a twofold reference-to the past and to the future.  Water naturally suggested to Nicodemus the baptism of John which was then awakening such profound and general interest; and, with this, the symbolical purifications of the Jews, and the Old Testament use of washing as the figure of purifying from sins”.  The scriptures listed by Dr. Vincent for reference are Psalms 51:2&7, Ezekiel 36:25, and Zechariah 13:11. 

Psalms 51:2 states “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” while verse 7 says “Purge me with hyssop that I shall be clean: wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.”  Zechariah 13:1: In that day a fountain shall be opened for the house of David and for the inhabitants of Jerusalem, for sin and for uncleanness.”  The Amplified Bible has Ezekiel 36:25-27 as a reference scripture for John 3:5 so I’m including the passage in its entirety rather than merely verse 25: “Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanness: and from all your idols will I cleanse you.  A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them.”

I wholeheartedly agree these scriptures speak of a cleansing that comes from the hand of God; a washing for which immersion was symbolic.  I also wholeheartedly agree Nicodemus was aware of John the Baptizer.  Doctor Vincent says as much and references the sending of priests and Levites to question him as related in John 1:19-282. The statement I question is “water naturally suggested to Nicodemus the baptism of John”.  Dr. Vincent says “Jesus’ words opened to Nicodemus a new and more spiritual significance in both the ceremonial purifications and the baptism of John which the Pharisees had rejected (Luke 7:30) John’s rite had a real and legitimate relation to the kingdom of God which Nicodemus must accept3.” 

Very well.  That sounds plausible.  Except, Nicodemus is still confused.  He asks in John 3:9, “how can all this be possible?” Nicodemus was missing something and I seem to be missing it too.  It got me wondering: if Jesus meant baptism, why didn’t he say baptism? 

Turning to the Greek words, “Water” in John 3:5 does mean “water”(Strong’s reference G5204) and “born” carries the definition of “to procreate, regenerate, be born, bring forth (G1080).  There is nothing here about baptism.  The word translated baptize in other scriptures does not appear anywhere in the chapter and is not, in fact, a word that has been translated at all.  The Strong’s reference number is G907 and the word is baptizo.  It would have been very simple for this passage to clearly say baptism if indeed baptism is what Jesus meant.

Why is this important to me?  Let me share verse 5 in the Amplified Bible:  “Jesus answered, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, unless a man is born of water and (even) the Spirit, he cannot (ever) enter the kingdom of God.”  This is a serious statement.  It’s of solemn importance I understand what this means.  All I know for certain at this time is that small word study I did months ago did not go nearly deep enough.

I will continue this study next week.

  1. Vincent, Marvin R., D.D., Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament Volume II, Peabody, Massachusetts, Hendrickson Publishers, Gospel of John Chapter 3:5. Born of Water and the Spirit, Page 91
  2. Vincent, Marvin R., D.D.,Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament Volume II, Peabody, Massachusetts, Hendrickson Publishers, Gospel of John Chapter 3:2. Rabbi, Page 89
  3. Vincent, Marvin R., D.D., Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament Volume II, Peabody, Massachusetts, Hendrickson Publishers, Gospel of John Chapter 3:5. Born of Water and the Spirit, Page 91

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Great Expectations-Part Three

20 Tuesday Oct 2020

Posted by in Walking in the Way

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I had to laugh at myself.  Within two hours of Part Two posting to the blog, I found myself in a situation exactly like the one I described: perhaps some relief from pain but it was going to require a doctor’s visit, a referral, no doubt more co-pays…my insides tightened and I could only think, “great.  I’ll just pay for all that then, shall I?” Then the thought came, “didn’t you just post on how God has taken you through medical stuff and financial hardship?”  Indeed I had.  Had I learned anything from the experience?  Yes, but I have to admit my first inclination is usually stress and anxiety and THEN remembering the goodness of God.  And so, I write these for my own edification. 

In part two I did write about a series of unfortunate events and how I expected my Father to reveal Himself to me as the Lord who healeth me and, instead, found myself face to face with the Father who loved me and wished His name hallowed above every other on earth.  I am still learning all this means and it’s a theme I hope to explore in the future.  For now I wish to answer the questions: if I am to expect that all the promises of God are Yes in Christ yet experience has taught me God rarely does what I expect in the way I expect it, what am I supposed to be expecting when I pray? Is there a secret to a victorious life in Christ?

I believe there is and that the secret isn’t so secret.  I believe the answer is found in the Indwelling Spirit.  1 Corinthians 1:20 says “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.”  In Christ.  Two words that appear over and over again throughout the New Testament.  If God’s promises are In Christ, then it must follow I must be in Christ in order to receive them. 

In part two, I also quoted; “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6: 33, Amplified)  In Luke 17 verse 21 I find, “Nor will people say, Look! Here (it is!) or, See (it is) there!  For behold, the kingdom of God is within you (in your hearts) and among you (surrounding you).  (Amplified)  Acts 17: 28: “For in Him we live and move and have our being…” and the second half of 1 Corinthians 1:20: “And so through Him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.”  In just these few scriptures (I could quote more but I’d end up copying the entire New Testament) I see how important it is to understand “In Christ” and that there must be something in me that shows me what this means and enables me to say “Amen.”  That something is a Who: the Holy Spirit.

There are two beautiful passages about the Indwelling Spirit found in the Gospel of John.  I can’t choose between them so I’m quoting both:  “I have told you these things while I am still with you.  But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name (in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf), He will teach you all things.  And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.” (John 14: 25-26, Amplified)

And then: “But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth).  For He will not speak His own message (on His own authority); but He will tell whatever He hears (from the Father: He will give the message that has been given to Him), and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come (that will happen in the future).  He will honor and glorify Me because He will take of (receive, draw upon) what is Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.  Everything that the Father has is Mine.  That is what I meant when I said that He (the Spirit) will take the things that are Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.  (John 16: 13-15, Amplified)

Because I know the risen and ascended Lord Jesus Christ, His spirit dwells in me as me teacher and guide.  As Paul says, “But if you are guided (led) by the (Holy) Spirit, you are not subject to the law.  What is the law?  The law, or Old Covenant, was based on IF/THEN.  Now, under the New Covenant and the Indwelling Spirit, I find there is a different way to live.  Rather than trying to please a remote God and earn blessings from Him with my good behavior and the fact that I (mostly) keep His commands; I live from the fountain of His life within me. 

But, I know some of you will ask, aren’t you taking some of these scriptures out of context?  Doesn’t John 14 also say, “If a person (really) loves Me, he will keep My word (obey My teaching); and My Father will love him and We will come to him and make Our home (abode, special dwelling place) with him.”  (John 14: 23, Amplified).  Doesn’t that sound like it’s an IF/THEN?

It does and I hope to explore the meaning of these scriptures in more depth in later posts.  In closing this one, I say truly, Our Father’s promise in Ezekiel 37 is made reality with the Holy Spirit:  “A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit within and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them.”  Paul assures me in Philippians that, “(Not in your own strength) for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you (energizing and creating in you the power and desire), both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.” (Philippians 2:13, Amplified)   

I wasn’t sure how to describe living from the Indwelling Spirit but I chanced to listen to Malcolm Smith’s Webinar # 340 and he put it perfectly.  Now that we have the Indwelling Spirit, we no longer live from IF/THEN but now BECAUSE/THEREFORE.

I love that.  However, with shifting my focus from If/THEN to BECAUSE/THEREFORE, what do I expect from God?  The answer is everything and nothing.  I do not expect specifics.  Rather, I expect that He will keep His word that all His promises are “Yes” in Christ Jesus.  I don’t expect that nothing painful or hurtful will never happen to me.  I do expect that He who lives in me will be everything I need at all times: All in all.  With Paul, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! (2 Corinthians 12: 9b, Amplified) His joy fills me and, through Him, I say “Amen”.  May He and He alone be glorified.

An excellent study on the Indwelling Spirit.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/indwelling-spirit-andrew-murray/1111009163?ean=9780764202278

Here’s Malcolm Smith’s webinar if you are interested.

Great Expectations-Part Two

12 Monday Oct 2020

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Last week I began writing about my struggle to understand why, if all the promises of God were “Yes” in Jesus, did I not see them manifest in my life, and my feelings of failure because of that lack.  There did seem to be a law in place as expressed in Exodus 15: 26: “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.”   Since I was not healed, I had to have missed a step somewhere. 

I do not wish to infer I’ve spent the last seventeen years pursuing healing. At that time, my Heavenly Father revealed Himself to me in a way I had never known.  At that moment, I realized everything I had ever thought about Him had been mistaken and that I knew nothing at all.  Every day since then has been an opportunity to, in the words of Yoda, unlearn what I have learned. I focused on “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6: 33, Amplified)  Amen. So be it. 

Then, three years ago, I re-discovered a bible teacher I listened to as a child.  He spoke of the promises of God, especially healing, and said it was so in Jesus and that I should expect!  Expect?  Expect what?  I was seeking Him with my whole heart, what more did I need to do?  I couldn’t argue with the scriptures I heard quoted.  It did seem there was an aspect to my life in Jesus I was failing to appropriate.  How to do so?

There have been moments of intense frustration as I tried to figure it out.  There have been moments when I’ve been so angry I’ve cried out to God; “just tell me what you want!  Why is this so hard?”  It was a deeply confusing time and it was about to get worse.

With my limitations, I only work part-time which means I don’t have a great deal of extra cash.  While I was struggling to figure out why I was not experiencing the fullness of the promises of God, I had a minor procedure that still required my going under anesthesia; a process that proved to be rather expensive.  A month later, I was rear-ended driving into work which aggravated all my old injuries of that car accident from years ago.  I missed work and pay.  A month after that I ended up in the ER as yet another health problem came to a head.  Major surgery was scheduled that was going to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I had insurance (thank God!) but I still had to pay a portion of the cost.  Less than a month before my surgery I was in another car accident (not my fault!) where I ended up in the ER AGAIN.  More expense.  Then came the surgery and recovery, and then yet again another minor surgical procedure.  I didn’t have insurance for this cost and had to dig into my savings account.

In the midst of these health/physical struggles, the parameters of my job changed.  I couldn’t drive myself anymore but had to take the train to work.  This has always been my one point of refusal when accepting a placement: I don’t go downtown because I can’t take the train.  It is too hard on me physically and I get terribly dizzy and sick to my stomach: probably complications from my TBI.  Now, I had to take the train and I didn’t see any way out.  I had taken some financial hits and would be a fool to quit.  Then there was the job itself.  There was no one else who knew the job the way I did so I didn’t see how I could quit and leave them hanging.  Maybe this was it!  I began to pray that finally, when I needed Him the most, my Father would heal me so I could do what I needed to do.  Trusting He would be my strength, I began to ride the train.

My days ended with indescribable agony.  The pain was so bad I couldn’t breathe. Finally, the pain got so bad I had to say “when” to the job.  I had reached another crisis point.  It was when I had nothing left that my Father came to me, wrapped His arms around me, and opened my eyes.

I saw that, even though He and I had developed a deep, personal relationship, I was still hallowing another’s name above His.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that a word had been spoken to me and the word sounded good and right.  Fulfilling that word seemed to be honoring God and I stepped out in obedience to that word without ever checking it with God and being sure the voice I was listening to was His.  I expected Him to give me the strength to do what I believed I needed to do.   

Why am I telling you all this?

All of these things were piling on each other, one after another, and I was clinging to Jesus by my fingernails.  Why?  When everything seemed to be so opposite of what I believed and it didn’t appear He was with me at all; why didn’t I decide I’d been utterly mistaken, there was no God, and I was on my own to figure out this life as best as I could?  The answer is because I know Him.  He has revealed Himself to me step by step, situation by situation over the years and I KNOW He lives and He loves me. Still, I didn’t quite understand: I expected an answer to healing and He showed me the importance of hearing and obeying no voice but His. 

To be continued…