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Birth or Baptism

04 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by Kate in Studies

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Baptism, Bible Instruction, Bible Reference, Bible Study, Christ in Me, Christ Life, Christian Life, Gospel of John, Holy Spirit, Indwelling Spirit, John 3:5, Kingdom of God, Kingdom Truth, Life in Christ, New Heart, New Spirit

What have I been saying over the last seven weeks?  Am I saying that since I don’t believe John 3:5 is speaking of water baptism that I don’t think water baptism is important?  Not at all.  As I read through the Book of Acts, I find that water baptism was a vital part of the life of a Christian.  I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Vincent that baptism “is a truthful sign only as the sign of an inward and spiritual grace.”1 The reason for this study was my quibble with the statement made on social media that water baptism was a law laid down by Jesus.  A church in my area came across my Facebook feed and, when I checked out their statement of faith, I saw that they said practically the same thing.  The statement of faith used “ordinance” rather than law but that’s merely a fancier way of saying the same thing. 

What’s the big deal?  If people are getting saved and baptized anyway, what does it matter if water baptism and born of water are or are not the same thing? It matters to me.  It matters because I am concerned when leaders start using the word “law” when it comes to the life of Jesus in us.  I am also concerned when the keeping of the law of being baptized in water is put forward as the interpretation of John 3:5 when Jesus goes on to say, “no man can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.”  This is serious.  Jesus was serious when he said it.  The true meaning of His words is vital.

That being born of water has to mean something other than water baptism, something that must take place on the inside of a person, is made clear by Luke 17 verses 20 and 21: “Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, ‘The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say ‘Here it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.’” The King James Version has it “the kingdom of God is within you.”  If it is within, then John 3:5 has to be talking about an inward change-the new heart and new spirit God promises in Ezekiel 36-because, on its own, water baptism has no ability to birth anyone into anything other than a denomination. 

I follow a Facebook page called A.W. Tozer-A man of God and this page recently shared an excerpt from his sermon “Spiritual Readiness”.  It struck me when I read “The evangelical church has come through a period when nearly everyone has believed that there is just one prerequisite to readiness: being born again.  We have made being born again almost like receiving a pass to a special event-when Jesus returns we whip out the pass to prove our readiness.”  I feel this way about keeping laws: no one will ever convince me that ticking my Christian box next to water baptism in any way prepares me to “let this same mind be in me that was in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5, paraphrased), or “to be molded into the image of His Son (and share inwardly of His likeness)” (Romans 8:29).

But then, what about Mark 16: 16; “He who believes and is baptized will be saved: but he who does not believe will be condemned”?  Is this passage talking of water baptism?  Romans 5:9 says “Therefore, since we are now justified (acquitted, made righteous, and brought into right relationship with God) by Christ’s blood, how much more (certain is it that) we shall be saved by Him from the indignation and wrath of God?” Ephesians 1:7 says “In Him we have redemption (deliverance and salvation) through His blood, the remission (forgiveness) of our offenses (shortcomings and trespasses) in accordance with the riches and the generosity of His gracious favor”.  No mention of water baptism.  Perhaps Jesus meant water baptism after believing in Him but, again, there is something that must happen inside us before the water baptism means anything.

John the baptizer said Jesus was the one who would baptize with “the Holy Spirit and with fire” (Matthew 2:11).  I want to share two scriptures about fire.  Jeremiah 23:29 says “Isn’t my word like fire, asks Adonai, like a hammer shattering rocks?” The writer to the Hebrews states “our God is a consuming fire!” (Hebrews 12:29)  Perhaps I’m pushing the point too hard but, in doing this study, I am convinced that being born of water and the spirit does mean being born of the Word and the Spirit. Jesus is the Word (John 1:1) and “The Word of the Lord endures forever.  And this Word is the good news which was preached to you.” (1 Peter 1:25)  There are so many more beautiful scriptures, some of which I’ve quoted in the previous installments of this study, so I close with this thought.

Maybe I have misunderstood and these leaders don’t really mean law law.  Perhaps all they mean is that baptism is important and I’ve said I don’t disagree.  Here’s my problem: a simple Google search shows people are reaching out and asking whether or not they are saved if they’ve never been baptized.  Is the sprinkling practiced by some denominations enough or do they have to be full on immersed?  What about the baptizing of infants?  I also recently heard that certain denominations recognize the baptism of certain other denominations but not all.  So, in order to be sure I’m saved, I have to be sure I’ve been baptized by the correct denomination?  This sounds like the “doctrines of baptism” spoken about by the writer to the Hebrews (Chapter 6 verse 2).

I wanted to do this study because, when I am looking online, I rarely see anyone pointing out that an inward change is what’s is of paramount importance.  What’s even more distressing to me, is that I rarely see anyone talking about the Holy Spirit.  He’s treated like He’s the icing on the Christian life-nice but not really necessary-or reserved for a certain few who have a deeper life or deeper conversion.

No.  “But you are not living the life of the flesh, you are living the life of the Spirit, if the Holy Spirit of God (really) dwells within you (directs and controls you).  But if anyone does not possess the (Holy) Spirit of Christ, he is none of His (he does not belong to Christ is not truly a child of God).”  This is Romans 8:9 and I would encourage you to read all of Chapter 8.  I’ll quote verses 14 and 15: For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For (the Spirit which) you have now received (is) not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption (the Spirit producing sonship) in (the bliss of) which we cry, Abba! Father!  

If you have been baptized, wonderful.  If you have not, I hope you have the peace to know it doesn’t affect your salvation.  My prayer is that our eyes are opened to see “by (means of the personal agency of) one (Holy) Spirit we were all, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free, baptized (and by baptism united together) into one body and all made to drink of one (Holy) Spirit.”  Christ in us, His life in us testified to us by His Spirit, is the water and Spirit that births us into His kingdom. 

Even so, Come Lord Jesus.

  1. Vincent, Marvin R., D.D., Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament Volume II, Peabody, Massachusetts, Hendrickson Publishers, Gospel of John, 5. Born of Water and the Spirit, Page 92.

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Anthropopathy

10 Tuesday Nov 2020

Posted by Kate in Walking in the Way

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Christ in Me, Desire of God, Father Son and Holy Spirit, Heart of God, Holy Trinity, Indwelling Spirit, Intention of God, Love of God, Love of the Father, Unity

I recently learned a new word:  anthropopathy.  I’ve heard and used “anthropomorphic/ism” but had never heard of anthropopathy.  I looked it up in my trusty New World Dictionary and found this definition: anthropopathy = the attributing of human feelings and passions to a god animal, etc. 

I came across anthropopathy in a book I’m currently reading entitled Hebrew Word Study: Revealing the Heart of God by Chaim Bentorah.  I quote:  “Jewish philosopher Abraham Heschel often referred to what he called “divine anthropopathy.”  We often speak of God as anthropomorphic, symbolically ascribing to Him a human body, but we rarely consider God anthropopathically, as having humanlike feelings.”*  I don’t know if this is true of any, some, or most Christians.  I liked it because one, the word is fun to say, and two, it reinforced my conviction on how important relationship is to God.

I doubt anyone needs me to quote it but John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the word that He gave His only begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life.”  If you’ve been around a Christian for any length of time or attended a church or read a social media post, you’ve no doubt heard that believing in Jesus means you get to go to heaven when you die.  I don’t dispute that but going to heaven when I die is not eternal life.  Don’t believe me?

When I continue reading John’s gospel I come to chapter seventeen and verse 3.  “And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”  The word “know” in this scripture is the exact same word used for intimacy between a husband and a wife.  It’s the same word used to relate her words when Mary asked, “How can this be, seeing as I do not know a man?” (Luke 1:34) Relationship with God is not just knowing about Him.  It’s knowing Him in the most intimate way, like a married couple know each other.  I can’t help thinking of how many times the Bible speaks of weddings, wedding feasts, Jesus as Bridegroom, His people as Bride.  The I Am, the Father, longs for a deep, personal relationship with each one of us.

We can’t know God.  I assume that, if you’ve read this far, you believe in God.  What do you think of Him?  I can’t fathom Him.  I can’t find words.  However, going back to John 3:16, He gave His only Son.  I can know the Father because Jesus has revealed Him (John 1:18).  Staying in John’s gospel, I find John chapter fourteen verses six and seven: “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you know me, you will know My Father also.”  In Jesus, I can relate to the Father through someone who is human like me.  In Jesus, the Father has a face.

And yet, I can’t go anywhere on this earth and see the human body that walked the shores of the Sea of Galilee, lived and worked in Nazareth, ate and drank.  So how do I know Jesus?  Wouldn’t it have been better for me to be alive then?  Am I missing something?  No!  Jesus Himself says it’s better for me, expedient, to my benefit that He goes away (John 16:7) because the Comforter will come.  It is through the Holy Spirit living in me where I am knitted to Jesus and, through Him, the Father.  “When He, the Spirit of Truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.  He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.  All things that the Father has are Mine…” John 16:13-15a

The Holy Spirit is vital to my relationship with God.  It’s not possible without Him which is why I’ve been talking about Him so much and why I’ll continue to do so as long as God allows.

The importance of relationship, this longing of the heart of the Father, is why I use the hashtag #relationshipnotreligion on my posts.  When I say “religion” I’m not always thinking of a denomination or an ism.  I am thinking of that which perpetuates a false image of who God is and who we are in Christ.  I recently saw a social media post where a dear sweet child of God said that Jesus had to come and die to save us from God.  I can’t even.  Where is that written in the Bible?  Save us from God?  The very same God who so loved-so loved-that He gave.  No one made Him do it.  He did it because His great heart is one of love.  He loves us and, through Jesus, made the way for us to know that love.  To quote on of my favorite songs (Real Love by Blanca), isn’t it true that the veil was torn?  Relationship. 

Religion defined in its original language can mean something beautiful.  Religio means “reverence for the gods, holiness” which is beautiful and true. Religare means to bind back and then, breaking the word down further; re means back and ligare is to bind or bind together.  This too can be beautiful.  In relationship to the Father, we are bound to Him in Jesus through the Spirit, knitted together in such a way that we too can cry “it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)  When I say “religion” I think of the system that seeks to bind its converts to a set of rules, to a never-ending hamster wheel of trying to be good enough, not being good enough, trying harder, doing more, and hoping one day to be acceptable to God.  Instead, may your eyes be open to see He is love now.  He so loved He gave.  He has feelings just like we do. 

Maybe I need a better word than anthropopathy.  John really does say it best: We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

*Quote is from the study “God hides His face” page 283

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Avowal

02 Monday Nov 2020

Posted by Kate in Poetry, Writing

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Blog Post, Christ in Me, Determination, Life in Christ, Living with Disability, Living with TBI, Poem, Poet, Poetry, Strength for the Journey

Living with a traumatic brain injury and chronic pain is not easy. I often find it soothing to express my feelings in poetry, most of which is not fit for anyone else’s consumption. I like this one. It’s a reminder that the Joy of the Lord is my strength. With Him, I can face any difficulty.

Avowal

I will not let this beat me

This defeat

This darkness that comes

Sweeping over me

No! Not I.

I shall turn my face to the sun

Forgetting what lies behind

Pressing ever forward

For I still live.

I will not let this overpower me

This despair

These arrows that flame

Bombarding me

I shall not! Not I.

I shall stand with my face in the wind

Counting as naught all I have lost

Eyes fixed on all I have gained

For I still breathe.

I will not let this overwhelm me

This depression

The burden that comes

Choking life from me

Never! Not I.

I shall stand planted on this rock

Holding fast to what I know is true

That all things work for my good

For I still hope.

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Blessed Assurance

27 Tuesday Oct 2020

Posted by Kate in Walking in the Way

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Christ in Me, Christ Life, Christian Life, Expect, Expectancy, Faithful and True, God my Father, Hope, Indwelling Spirit, Prayer, Prayer Life

I suppose I could call this post “Great Expectations Part Four” because I wish to address a statement I made in my previous post.  I said that I “did not expect specifics” and I wanted to elaborate because I do not expect specifics and yet I do, of course, expect specifics.  Confused?  Allow me to attempt to elaborate.

I do not have a vague prayer life.  My prayer life does not consist of saying to my Heavenly Father, “Well, thy will be done” by which is inferred: “You’re going to do whatever You’re going to do anyway and I just hope You give me the strength to accept whatever happens.”  No!  I’ve been quoting 2 Corinthians 1:20-all the promises of God are ‘yes’ in Christ Jesus-and the promises throughout the entire bible are wonderfully specific.  Neither does my prayer life consist of magic formulas.  What do I mean by that?  I do not pray to an aloof God who is so busy with other far more important problems than mine that I have to try to get His attention, convince Him to do something for me, and strong arm Him into answering me by saying “in Jesus’ name, Amen.”  Again, no!  My prayer life is better described as talking to my Heavenly Father.  It’s conversation held in relationship.  I have very specific cares which, through prayer, I cast on Him because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). 

This is the greatest truth ever revealed to my wondering heart and, despite all my study and prayer and searching to know the heart of my Father, it is one I barely grasp.  He Loves Me.  He cares for me.  He Loves You.  If you doubt this and John 3:16 and especially verse 17 isn’t enough for you, I encourage you to read First, Second, and Third John.  Done? Welcome back! Because I know He loves me, I know I can bring any worry, anxiety, happening, question, and desire to Him and trust Him with it.

One of the greatest examples of what I’m trying to make clear here is the story related in Luke chapter 24 verses 13-35.  I’m sure we’ve all heard it: it’s after Jesus’ crucifixion and all hope has been dashed to pieces.  Two of the disciples are travelling to Emmaus, conversing and reasoning with each other.  Then, Jesus Himself is walking with them though they do not recognize Him.  It’s so exciting.  I never get tired of reading it.  The two ask Jesus if he’s the only one in Jerusalem unaware of what’s been happening.  Now, there are so many things I would have expected the Risen Son of God to do in that moment.  No doubt this would be the perfect time to open their eyes to the truth of who He was but Jesus does not.  Instead, He asks “What things?”  He doesn’t need to ask.  No one knows better than He what has really happened but He asks questions, draws them out, and only after they’ve spilled their guts does He begin to speak. 

I know there is not one thought I have, have had, or will ever have that is not already known to the One who knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10). And yet He asks me “what things?” and invites me to spill my guts.  And so, my prayer life is very specific.  It is my expectations as to how He is going to answer me and reveal Himself to me where I have learned to not be specific.  I expect an answer: I do not expect how that answer will come. 

I don’t spend a great deal of time in Lamentations but there are some beautiful verses in it.  In chapter 3 verses 22-24 I read; “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him.’”  The Hebrew word my New King James Version translates as “compassions” is defined in my Strong’s Concordance as meaning “favor, blessing, loving-kindness”.  These verses put succinctly what I am struggling to say.  Because He loves me I know it’s safe to tell Him anything.  I know I can expect answers but I also know I can expect to be surprised at how He chooses to answer me. He won’t ever do the same thing twice.

I cannot count how many times I’ve heard it said God does not fit in a box.  I know this to be true. He’s terrifying…in the best sense of that word.  I cast my cares on Him and await His response with fear (awe) and trembling (excitement).  I also expect that the answer I receive might be to a question I didn’t think to ask.  Why does this happen? 

I don’t know.  But, I wonder if it isn’t like sitting down with an architect and going over the blueprints to a fabulous building.  I can barely contain myself as the architect takes me through the plans, shows me how much progress has been made, and shows me the end result.  The architect has samples of the planned materials and I’m so excited by the color and style of the roof I insist on its installation.  The architect tells me I have to wait because the walls aren’t up yet and I ask why because the corner pillars are in place: surely that’s enough to support the roof.  The architect very gently tells me I have no idea how to put a building together but if I will trust him, he will see it through.

Perhaps this is a weak analogy but it came to mind last week during a teaching I was listening to and it made sense to me.  I thought I’d share it here in case it made sense to any of you. 

Truly the Lord is my portion.  Great is His faithfulness and my expectancy is in Him. 

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Great Expectations-Part Three

20 Tuesday Oct 2020

Posted by Kate in Walking in the Way

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Blog Post, Christ in Me, Christ Life, Christian Blog, Christian Life, Holy Spirit, Indwelling Spirit, Inspired Living, Spirit of the Lord, Spiritual Life, Spirituality

I had to laugh at myself.  Within two hours of Part Two posting to the blog, I found myself in a situation exactly like the one I described: perhaps some relief from pain but it was going to require a doctor’s visit, a referral, no doubt more co-pays…my insides tightened and I could only think, “great.  I’ll just pay for all that then, shall I?” Then the thought came, “didn’t you just post on how God has taken you through medical stuff and financial hardship?”  Indeed I had.  Had I learned anything from the experience?  Yes, but I have to admit my first inclination is usually stress and anxiety and THEN remembering the goodness of God.  And so, I write these for my own edification. 

In part two I did write about a series of unfortunate events and how I expected my Father to reveal Himself to me as the Lord who healeth me and, instead, found myself face to face with the Father who loved me and wished His name hallowed above every other on earth.  I am still learning all this means and it’s a theme I hope to explore in the future.  For now I wish to answer the questions: if I am to expect that all the promises of God are Yes in Christ yet experience has taught me God rarely does what I expect in the way I expect it, what am I supposed to be expecting when I pray? Is there a secret to a victorious life in Christ?

I believe there is and that the secret isn’t so secret.  I believe the answer is found in the Indwelling Spirit.  1 Corinthians 1:20 says “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.”  In Christ.  Two words that appear over and over again throughout the New Testament.  If God’s promises are In Christ, then it must follow I must be in Christ in order to receive them. 

In part two, I also quoted; “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6: 33, Amplified)  In Luke 17 verse 21 I find, “Nor will people say, Look! Here (it is!) or, See (it is) there!  For behold, the kingdom of God is within you (in your hearts) and among you (surrounding you).  (Amplified)  Acts 17: 28: “For in Him we live and move and have our being…” and the second half of 1 Corinthians 1:20: “And so through Him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.”  In just these few scriptures (I could quote more but I’d end up copying the entire New Testament) I see how important it is to understand “In Christ” and that there must be something in me that shows me what this means and enables me to say “Amen.”  That something is a Who: the Holy Spirit.

There are two beautiful passages about the Indwelling Spirit found in the Gospel of John.  I can’t choose between them so I’m quoting both:  “I have told you these things while I am still with you.  But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name (in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf), He will teach you all things.  And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.” (John 14: 25-26, Amplified)

And then: “But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth).  For He will not speak His own message (on His own authority); but He will tell whatever He hears (from the Father: He will give the message that has been given to Him), and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come (that will happen in the future).  He will honor and glorify Me because He will take of (receive, draw upon) what is Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.  Everything that the Father has is Mine.  That is what I meant when I said that He (the Spirit) will take the things that are Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.  (John 16: 13-15, Amplified)

Because I know the risen and ascended Lord Jesus Christ, His spirit dwells in me as me teacher and guide.  As Paul says, “But if you are guided (led) by the (Holy) Spirit, you are not subject to the law.  What is the law?  The law, or Old Covenant, was based on IF/THEN.  Now, under the New Covenant and the Indwelling Spirit, I find there is a different way to live.  Rather than trying to please a remote God and earn blessings from Him with my good behavior and the fact that I (mostly) keep His commands; I live from the fountain of His life within me. 

But, I know some of you will ask, aren’t you taking some of these scriptures out of context?  Doesn’t John 14 also say, “If a person (really) loves Me, he will keep My word (obey My teaching); and My Father will love him and We will come to him and make Our home (abode, special dwelling place) with him.”  (John 14: 23, Amplified).  Doesn’t that sound like it’s an IF/THEN?

It does and I hope to explore the meaning of these scriptures in more depth in later posts.  In closing this one, I say truly, Our Father’s promise in Ezekiel 37 is made reality with the Holy Spirit:  “A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit within and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them.”  Paul assures me in Philippians that, “(Not in your own strength) for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you (energizing and creating in you the power and desire), both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.” (Philippians 2:13, Amplified)   

I wasn’t sure how to describe living from the Indwelling Spirit but I chanced to listen to Malcolm Smith’s Webinar # 340 and he put it perfectly.  Now that we have the Indwelling Spirit, we no longer live from IF/THEN but now BECAUSE/THEREFORE.

I love that.  However, with shifting my focus from If/THEN to BECAUSE/THEREFORE, what do I expect from God?  The answer is everything and nothing.  I do not expect specifics.  Rather, I expect that He will keep His word that all His promises are “Yes” in Christ Jesus.  I don’t expect that nothing painful or hurtful will never happen to me.  I do expect that He who lives in me will be everything I need at all times: All in all.  With Paul, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! (2 Corinthians 12: 9b, Amplified) His joy fills me and, through Him, I say “Amen”.  May He and He alone be glorified.

An excellent study on the Indwelling Spirit.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/indwelling-spirit-andrew-murray/1111009163?ean=9780764202278

Here’s Malcolm Smith’s webinar if you are interested.

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Great Expectations-Part Two

12 Monday Oct 2020

Posted by Kate in Walking in the Way

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Blog Post, Christ in Me, Christ Life, Christian Blog, Christian Life, Daily Strength, God my Father, Holy Spirit, Lessons of God, Living with Disability, Living with TBI, Strength for the Journey, Walking in the Way

Last week I began writing about my struggle to understand why, if all the promises of God were “Yes” in Jesus, did I not see them manifest in my life, and my feelings of failure because of that lack.  There did seem to be a law in place as expressed in Exodus 15: 26: “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.”   Since I was not healed, I had to have missed a step somewhere. 

I do not wish to infer I’ve spent the last seventeen years pursuing healing. At that time, my Heavenly Father revealed Himself to me in a way I had never known.  At that moment, I realized everything I had ever thought about Him had been mistaken and that I knew nothing at all.  Every day since then has been an opportunity to, in the words of Yoda, unlearn what I have learned. I focused on “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6: 33, Amplified)  Amen. So be it. 

Then, three years ago, I re-discovered a bible teacher I listened to as a child.  He spoke of the promises of God, especially healing, and said it was so in Jesus and that I should expect!  Expect?  Expect what?  I was seeking Him with my whole heart, what more did I need to do?  I couldn’t argue with the scriptures I heard quoted.  It did seem there was an aspect to my life in Jesus I was failing to appropriate.  How to do so?

There have been moments of intense frustration as I tried to figure it out.  There have been moments when I’ve been so angry I’ve cried out to God; “just tell me what you want!  Why is this so hard?”  It was a deeply confusing time and it was about to get worse.

With my limitations, I only work part-time which means I don’t have a great deal of extra cash.  While I was struggling to figure out why I was not experiencing the fullness of the promises of God, I had a minor procedure that still required my going under anesthesia; a process that proved to be rather expensive.  A month later, I was rear-ended driving into work which aggravated all my old injuries of that car accident from years ago.  I missed work and pay.  A month after that I ended up in the ER as yet another health problem came to a head.  Major surgery was scheduled that was going to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I had insurance (thank God!) but I still had to pay a portion of the cost.  Less than a month before my surgery I was in another car accident (not my fault!) where I ended up in the ER AGAIN.  More expense.  Then came the surgery and recovery, and then yet again another minor surgical procedure.  I didn’t have insurance for this cost and had to dig into my savings account.

In the midst of these health/physical struggles, the parameters of my job changed.  I couldn’t drive myself anymore but had to take the train to work.  This has always been my one point of refusal when accepting a placement: I don’t go downtown because I can’t take the train.  It is too hard on me physically and I get terribly dizzy and sick to my stomach: probably complications from my TBI.  Now, I had to take the train and I didn’t see any way out.  I had taken some financial hits and would be a fool to quit.  Then there was the job itself.  There was no one else who knew the job the way I did so I didn’t see how I could quit and leave them hanging.  Maybe this was it!  I began to pray that finally, when I needed Him the most, my Father would heal me so I could do what I needed to do.  Trusting He would be my strength, I began to ride the train.

My days ended with indescribable agony.  The pain was so bad I couldn’t breathe. Finally, the pain got so bad I had to say “when” to the job.  I had reached another crisis point.  It was when I had nothing left that my Father came to me, wrapped His arms around me, and opened my eyes.

I saw that, even though He and I had developed a deep, personal relationship, I was still hallowing another’s name above His.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that a word had been spoken to me and the word sounded good and right.  Fulfilling that word seemed to be honoring God and I stepped out in obedience to that word without ever checking it with God and being sure the voice I was listening to was His.  I expected Him to give me the strength to do what I believed I needed to do.   

Why am I telling you all this?

All of these things were piling on each other, one after another, and I was clinging to Jesus by my fingernails.  Why?  When everything seemed to be so opposite of what I believed and it didn’t appear He was with me at all; why didn’t I decide I’d been utterly mistaken, there was no God, and I was on my own to figure out this life as best as I could?  The answer is because I know Him.  He has revealed Himself to me step by step, situation by situation over the years and I KNOW He lives and He loves me. Still, I didn’t quite understand: I expected an answer to healing and He showed me the importance of hearing and obeying no voice but His. 

To be continued…

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Declaration

28 Monday Sep 2020

Posted by Kate in Poetry, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christ in Me, Christ Life, Christian Life, Daily Strength, Holy Spirit, Inspired Poetry, Love of God, Love Poems, Poet, Poetry, Rooted in Christ

May Christ through your faith (actually) dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts!  May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love.  Ephesians 3:17, Amplified


My roots reach deep
Into the One who IS
First of firsts
Within me the rich soil of life
Though the tempest roars
And the locusts swarm
The Harvest comes
I am Faith Unstoppable.

I stand planted
In the One who WAS
Inhabiter of time
The rock of my salvation
Though the mountains crumble
And are swallowed by the waves
I do not falter
I am Faith Unshaken.

I have my shelter
In the One who IS TO COME
Making all things new
My fortress, my tower, my strength
Though I'm bombarded
By flaming arrows
I stand strong in the gap
I am Faith Immovable.
 
 

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