• About Me
  • Study Links

Renaissance Woman

~ Test All Things; Hold Fast What is Good-1 Thessalonians 5:21

Renaissance Woman

Author Archives: Kate

Living Beyond Interpretation

22 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by Kate in Walking in the Way, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Blog, Blogging, Christian, Jesus Follower, Spiritual Life, Writer's Life, Writing

 

I attended a dinner party with some of my co-workers two weeks ago. One asked me about the book I was writing and I told her: it’s a series of seven fantasy novels using imagery drawn from The Bible. She asked me if I was religious and I said no. She then expressed surprise at the difficulty at the research involved with such an undertaking when I wasn’t religious. I tried to express that, while I have no religious label I can apply to my beliefs, I have a vibrant spiritual life.  But, it wasn’t something I could put into words and then the conversation shifted. The opportunity for explanations and clarifications was over.  That conversation got me thinking about our desire to understand our fellow human beings and how labels help or hinder that process.

In my opinion, labels hinder the process. I can say “I’m a Christian” but that word carries with it so many different belief systems and countless examples of mistreatment and hatred, old and new. Not that I wish to say that because some Christians have not positively represented Jesus’ character that all fail to do so nor do I wish to infer I am somehow ashamed to be labeled a Christian.  It is just that I understand that word means different things to different people and “Christian”, while accurate, doesn’t describe all I am and all I believe. “Christian” is broken down into different denominations like Methodist, Lutheran, Charismatic, Pentecostal, Catholic, etc: perhaps to negate confusion, perhaps to increase understanding.  I feel such labels have the opposite affect. I never belonged to a denomination whenever I attended a church building so none of those labels have ever applied to me. The dinner party made me ask myself; how do I describe what I believe when someone asks me?  I suppose I could use the term “Spiritual but not Religious”. What does that mean? What does it really say?

I suppose that, for lack of a better word, I did spend most of my life trying to discover which religious label would suit me.  Or lack of religious label in the case of the interdenominational and nondenominational services I attended.  It ought to have worked.  I was doing everything right, I thought. I was heavily involved in Church. I attended at least two services a week, I adopted the proper worship postures during the half hour or so devoted to worship before the sermon, I listened to the sermon attentively, took notes, studied, and served the church in whatever capacity I could. Why then was I so miserable? I constantly felt like I was falling short of the Glory of God, that there was some deep character flaw the kept me from living the successful Christian life like all those around me.

I’m simplifying, I know. I’m sure no one’s life was as perfect as it looked but I can’t deny Church seemed to work for them in a way it didn’t for me. I was desperate to stop feeling despondent and, in an attempt to drum up the joy I was supposed to be experiencing, I listened to as many teaching tapes I could get my hands on. Good old Joyce Meyer: I was listening to one of her teachings-so long ago I can’t remember which one-and she said something that caught my attention. She was describing everything I felt and then she said; “if God is telling you to leave your Church, listen.” Could that be it? Was it okay to leave my Church?

Everything I’d been taught said it wasn’t. If I didn’t belong to a Church I was forsaking the assembly, a big no no. No Church meant I didn’t tithe and was thus robbing God, another big no no. Maybe I could leave my current Church but find another one. I was sure that was what God was telling me. I began attending another Church and met wonderful people whom I liked and enjoyed being around, attended home bible studies where I did learn a few new things, and started auditioning for the choir. In less then three months the uncomfortable, depressed feeling returned. I hung on for a year and then one day couldn’t take it anymore. I walked out of the Church (as a building) and never returned.

It is not a popular decision. Some wonderful, loving Christians I’ve spoken with since then have been genuinely concerned for my spiritual well-being. I can see ‘backslider’ flash through their eyes and then they invite me to their Church. I appreciate the concern because I know it comes from a place of love but it also comes from a place of fear. I know because leaving a formal Church terrified me. What if I was backsliding? My life was not mistake free and full of struggles.  Didn’t that prove leaving Church was the first and biggest mistake? What if I was one of those falling away in the latter days? So what, I asked myself. Anything is better than constantly feeling beat down and miserable. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I prayed a prayer. It went like this.

Father, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing but I need something new. I put my life in your hands and trust that, no matter what, you have a hold of me. Whatever happens to me from this moment on is your concern.

I have trusted Him to keep me ever since and He has never failed to do so.  I have not been joined to the Church as a building but have a beautiful awareness of being a member of the Ecclesia.  There have been moments of magnificent fellowship with my fellow called-out ones and moments of tremendous isolation where I feel alone in the wilderness with no one but Jesus.  How then do I define myself?  Is there a label that defines me as following the Lamb wherever he goes? (Revelation 14:4b) I suppose my answer would be Relationship not Religion.

What makes me so sure my co-worker was interested anyway?

More than likely, she was not.  However, it’s never a bad thing to take a look at my life and ask myself questions.  And, it’s never a bad thing to ask myself if, in an attempt to understand my fellow human beings, do I seek to do so with labels.  I hope not. I hope I look at others and see that they are all unique and that I can have no true understanding of them as long as I continue to label them. I must give them the freedom to live beyond such interpretation as I demand that right for myself.

End note: I borrowed the title of this post from “Lay My Love” by Brian Eno and John Cale

For anyone interested on two excellent studies on “Forsaking the Assembly”:

Forsake Not The Assembly-J Preston Eby

Forsake Not The Assembling-Elwin Roach

Share this:

  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Tweet
  • Email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Share on Tumblr
Like Loading...

The Resilience of Dreams

08 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by Kate in Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Courage, Dreams, Living with TBI, Loving Yourself, Poetry, Writing

Alaska Photo

There were only two things I wanted to do when I was a child.  One, I wanted to write books that touched others the way some of the books I was reading touched me.  Two, I wanted to study whales.  The whale bug, if there is such a thing, bit me in the 5th grade.  That was when I discovered Pacific Blue; a cassette tape combining music and whale song.  I listened to that tape over and over, dreaming of one day being on the ocean and hearing whale song for myself.  I only applied to one university when the time came: the University of Alaska Southeast where I knew the Humpback whales’ migratory path would take them.  Fortunately, I was accepted.  Unfortunately, I was only able to complete one year of school before a car accident ended that particular chapter of my life.

I didn’t give up right away.  One of my favorite classes was my Microbiology class and I thought I’d keep my dream but change it up a little by switching majors from Cetacean Biology to Marine Micrology.  That’s a field I made up but the symbiotic relationship between Right whales and the parasites that clean their skin fascinated me.  Maybe my new brain injury meant I couldn’t do the diving and ocean work I’d intended but the dream wasn’t completely lost and I liked looking through microscopes and conducting tests.

I underestimated the devastation of the car accident.  I completed a second year of school before I had to call it quits, admit that the car accident had wrecked my life, and I wasn’t physically or emotionally up to completing my degree.  I went home to recover.

Almost 15 years later, I am still recovering.  It took 5 years after leaving university to give up the scientist dream.  I applied to and was accepted in the Microbiology program at DU but wasn’t able to move forward.  When that door closed, I was devastated.  What was I if I wasn’t a scientist?

In the early months after my car accident, I had a neurologist tell me having a TBI (traumatic brain injury) was a little like PMSing all the time.  She prescribed antidepressants and I hated them.  I don’t know if I can put into words how antidepressants made me feel.  Separated: from myself as well as the world around me is as close as I can come.  I made the decision to stop taking them-without any doctor’s knowledge-and have been antidepressant free for 13 years.

A side note: if you are on an antidepressant and want to quit taking it, DO NOT do so without your doctor’s knowledge.  If I’d known then what I know now about the effect an antidepressant has on the brain, I’d never have stopped cold turkey.  Fortunately, I had no serious side effects from quitting the way I did.

I tell you all of that to tell you that journaling is what saved me once I quit taking mood stabilizers.  My brain injury does cause some emotional difficulties but getting everything down in print helps me to see what I’m experiencing and put it in perspective.  I’ve always written: I wrote my first novel in the seventh grade.  It’s not bad though I say it myself.  I did change the name of my villain halfway through the manuscript but it’s a handwritten manuscript: such a change would be noted and corrected in a second draft. 😉 I’ve consistently journaled since my family gave me my first one for Christmas when I was 9 and I’ve indulged myself over the years by writing poetry.  With the death of my scientist dream, a second began to stir.  What if I could be a writer?  I had at least 20 books I’d started over the years but hadn’t been able to finish: all of them were interesting but none of them were the story my heart wanted to write.  What if I had a story to write?  What if people wanted to read it?  I’d had a paper published while at university: it was one I’d written for my English class where I’d had the audacity to compare/contrast one of Edna St. Vincent Millay’s sonnets with one of my own poems.  My teacher had told me I had talent and offered to help me switch majors if I wanted but writing was just something I did for fun: I was a scientist.

That being my belief, what now?  I’ve never been one to quit on anything but this scientist dream of mine did seem thoroughly dead.  What did I have to lose?  My mother helped me get started.  She smiled when I told her what I was feeling, opened a dictionary, and read me the definition of science.  Definition 2 states “a systematized knowledge derived from observation, study, and experimentation carried on in order to determine the nature or principles of what is being studied”.  That struck me.  My ultimate dream was to discover something I didn’t know about the world and share it with others.  Did I need a microscope for that?  Could I use a pen and paper instead?  I opened a fresh notebook (college ruled-wide ruled has never inspired me to write.  I don’t know why) and started with an idea.

That was years ago.  So many I’m not even sure.  I’ve completed a 612 page manuscript since then.  When people would ask me how my book was going I would reply; “slowly, but I am writing a series of seven and the first one needs to be a solid foundation”.  It’s true, I do have a series of seven planned but re-reading my giant manuscript made me realize I was writing all seven at once.  I’ve narrowed my focus to Book One, laying a foundation I can build on later.

My sense of regret and loss has disappeared as I’ve written, researched, deleted, and written some more.  Writing fulfills me the same way watching a bacterial culture blossom and grow used to.  So, all the old adages are true.  No dream dies but another is born.  No door closes but a window is opened.  And, thinking back, I wonder if a dream ever really dies.  I don’t think they do: they are much too resilient to die.  I think the same dream manifests itself in a different way.  Life today looks nothing like I planned but my dream of making discoveries is alive and well.  I have to work on the sharing with others bit.  It’s not easy for someone as naturally introverted as I am, a personality quirk my brain injury has seemed to make worse.  However, the brain injury does not define me and I am striving to expand the borders of my comfort zone.

In an attempt to stretch them to the breaking point, here’s a  poem I wrote when I discovered writing could fulfill me and my life wasn’t a wreck because of one accident.

 

Phoenix Dreams

My dreams lay about me

Broken, Shattered

Shards of once vivid scenes

I stand among them

Staring about me

Hoping to find even one

One piece large enough

To remind me again

Of all that I dreamed

For Oh, how I dreamed

But now there is nothing

Devastation only

Not a spark of the life that once was

As I stare about me

Hopeless, Desperate

Finality comes like a fire

Incinerating all

Leaving nothing but ashes

That listlessly swirl at my feet

But wait! A glimmer

Of light and another

I stand watching amazed

As Phoenix Dreams rise

From the pyre of the past

Taking wing they ascend from the ash

I step forward to follow

Forgetting what’s gone

For, in me, new dreams have been born

 

Share this:

  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Tweet
  • Email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Share on Tumblr
Like Loading...

Colorful Colorado

22 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by Kate in RW Out and About

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Colorado, Cottonwood Lake, Environment, Hiking, Writer's Life, Writing

DSCF0009

Enjoying the Scenery

 

My family and I took a day trip to Cottonwood Lake, Buena Vista, CO over the weekend.  It’s a beautiful time to be a Coloradan: the leaves are turning and everywhere I look there is such beauty it takes my breath away.  I was excited to take this trip for two reasons.  1, getting out into the mountains is always a thrill and 2, this would no doubt be an inspirational time.  What plot ideas may come?  What journal entries?   I packed my camera, notebook, and pens and climbed into the back of the van.

The trip up was breathtaking.  I’m grateful that my stepfather drives and all I have to do is gape at the extraordinary colors around me and make notes about my book as they pop into my mind.  I’m always afraid he doesn’t enjoy the trips like my mother and I do but he says he does and never complains.  Still, I owe him dinner.  We stopped along the way at a small lake (pictured above), carving out a place for ourselves along the roadside and joining the other gawkers in gasping, pointing, and snapping pics.  By the time we needed a restroom break, we’d reached Southpark, CO; a place nothing like the cartoon.

The facilities available in Southpark were a tad rustic: port-a-potties arranged at the back of The Jefferson Market.  A sign on the door stated the port-a-potty was for use of paying customers only and I’m sure that’s why there wasn’t any hand sanitizer available until you stepped inside the door of the market.  I didn’t mind buying something: I am always on the hunt for what healthy snacks might be found in a gas station.  This hunt uncovered Clif bars that were not, surprisingly, out of date and fresh fruit in the cooler at the back of the store.  The store itself generated waves of nostalgia.  When I was young, my father was a foreman on a ranch in northern Nebraska.  The closest bit of civilization was a small town named Mills which consisted of a feed store, a church, and a general store that doubled as the post office.  The Jefferson Market reminded me of that old Mills general store.  The plank flooring creaked under my feet as I traversed the store and there was a little of everything and not much of anything.  I purchased my Clif bar, a bottle of water, a purse size container of hand sanitizer, and snapped some pics of Southpark before we headed deeper into the mountains.

DSCF0019

The Jefferson Market

DSCF0020

I thought the moose a whimsical touch

DSCF0021

Don’t blink or you’ll miss Southpark

 

We continued on our way to Cottonwood Lake and my head swiveled from one window to the other, trying to take it all in.  One thing I will say for Colorado, there wasn’t a feed lot to be found.  All cows we saw were in pasture which brought on more waves of nostalgia.  I kept remembering my life on the ranch.  I remember my brother and I being entirely alone.  My father was out working and my mother had a job at the rest home in Stuart, NE.  The family my father worked for were supposed to keep an eye on us but…well…they were older.  My brother and I had complete and utter freedom to do whatever we wanted, as long as our chores were complete.  Few days went by when we weren’t racing out to the fields to call to the horses, play in the hayloft (which we were forbidden to do) or climb trees.  One thing we never did was enter the field where the bulls were kept.  I remember three of them; Herefords, and their white faces never struck me as being anything but placid.  But, my dad had explained how dangerous they were and put the fear of God into us about climbing over that particular fence.  The hayloft rule we broke often but we never came within more of a few feet of that fence.

I remember how much I loved the horses.  They would come to us when we called and allow us to scratch between their ears and stroke their smooth necks.  I think my love for animals started with the horses; Queenie, Wendy, and King.  I never thought about what happened to the cows my father cared for and we didn’t stay on the ranch long.  My father sold up, I can’t remember why, and we moved into town.  As we drive passed these beautiful, isolated homes surrounded by fields, I find I miss aspects of that life.  The ranch we lived on didn’t have the wild beauty of the ones we passed and I saw several For Sale signs that gave me a deep longing.  Maybe, one day, I can move here and live in this beautiful place, perhaps open a farm animal sanctuary, perhaps just write.

That longing only intensified as we reached Cottonwood Lake.  The beauty that surrounded me made my heart ache.  I took pictures but there isn’t any way a picture captures the feeling of peace and enjoyment being in nature gives.  It began to rain so I didn’t get in the hiking I’d hoped for.  I wrapped up in my rain coat and slipped into the trees for a while but returned to the car when the thunder and lightening started.  Despite the lack in hiking, it was a beautiful, perfect day.

DSCF0030

A beautiful day

DSCF0044

One more picture of the glorious scenery

 

 

Share this:

  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Tweet
  • Email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Share on Tumblr
Like Loading...

Celebrating Me!

16 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by Kate in Personal Essays, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Blog, Blogging, Love Yourself, Loving Yourself, Self Celebration, Self-Acceptance

A friend of mine posted the #selflovechallenge.  It feels a little weird to be saying positive things about myself but, lately, I’ve been striving to change both how I think and speak about myself.  So, I accept the challenge to say three positive things about myself.

I have a calming presence: I attended a work retreat recently where my co-workers and I did an activity where we taped pieces of paper to each others backs and wrote compliments on them.  This was one compliment I received that meant the most to me.  I have focused on having a calm mind; doing less aggressive exercise and meditating on my favorite scriptures.  That someone else feels calm around me means the world to me.

I Have A Great Sense of Humor:  I like to laugh and making others laugh is equally enjoyable.  I have made it a rule never to exercise my sense of humor at someone else’s expense: a joke can’t be enjoyed of one person is made to feel foolish.  I hope I succeed.  My family seems to like me.

I Am True To Myself: This was another highly valued compliment I received at the retreat.  Being true to myself is a difficult thing.  What will people think if I say/do this?  What will they say about me?  To stiffen my spine to do what I believe to be right, despite snide and hateful comments, is hard for someone who wants to please people and wants everyone to like her.  I know such a goal is impossible and living to please others is a miserable existence.  I do not wish to offend anyone but I do focus on living my life doing what I believe to be right.  That someone else sees this in me is encouraging.

There.  Three positives.  Anyone else?  What do you like about yourself?  I would love to know.

 

Share this:

  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Tweet
  • Email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Share on Tumblr
Like Loading...

Neighborhood Impressions

20 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by Kate in Challenges, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Blogging, Colorado, Conscious Living, Writer's Life, Writing, Writing Challenges, Writing Process

Lorraine DiSabato is the host for this week’s WordPress writing challenge and her challenge was to blog your block.  Take a walk around the neighborhood and try to see it with new eyes.  This sounds interesting and, since I need to walk off my pasta anyway, I decide to try and meet that challenge.

I start off, determined to take a street I’ve never been on before.  The first thing I notice is the sound of a lawn mower.  I didn’t hear it inside the house and I am impressed: the energy saving windows we installed years ago are sound muffling as well.  The lawn mower belongs to the man living where the street starts to curve up the hill.  I don’t know his name.  There used to be a college age girl living in that house: she drove a yellow bug that perfectly matched her blonde hair.  I haven’t seen her or the bug in I don’t know how long.  Is this the same family?  Have they moved on and now this house belongs to someone else?  I don’t know and I’m reminded of something I heard on the news recently: people don’t talk to each other any more.  I should know who my neighbors are, I think.

I do know the lady who lives directly across from my house.  She loves orange.  She’s an older woman, smokes like a chimney, and has a hysterical sense of humor.  A couple of years ago, I re-painted my bedroom.  My lavender, white, and pale green color choices meant I needed to sand and paint my bedroom furniture.  The Orange Lady came over to see what I was doing and stayed to share how much fun she’d had re-doing her room; all in orange and white.  The Orange Lady fascinates me.  She drives an orange mustang.  I don’t know why but a muscle car is the last vehicle I expected her to drive.  It’s a lesson in looking for all the different layers in people, and not making judgments based on surface impressions.  The Orange Lady isn’t sitting in her chair on the porch so I move on without calling hello.

My determination to take a street less traveled is challenged when my eye is caught by a “Too Late!” topper to the For Sale sign in the yard of the house on the corner.  I drive passed this house every morning but I’ve never really looked at it so I stop.  It’s a beautiful house.  Gabled windows are surrounded by maroon trim.  The front of the house has been faced in gray rock which, oddly, the creamy brown siding matches.  The effect is almost Victorian and I find myself wishing I dared press my nose to the window.  I don’t dare and, besides, I’d be disappointed to see carpet and popcorn ceilings instead of burnished beams and hardwood floors.  Maybe I can make friends with the new neighbors and have a chance to tour the inside.  I move on.

The house cater-corner to the purchased one is for sale also.  It’s much larger but lacks character.  Still, the gray siding and white trim looks new and the yard is well-maintained.  It will go fast.  Houses don’t stay on the market long in my neighborhood.  I think it’s because the neighborhood is located walking distance to both an elementary and middle school and, while it’s between two busy streets, the neighborhood itself is relatively quiet.  I don’t know this for a fact:  I’ve always assumed it and never asked anyone if my assumption is accurate.

There’s another house for sale further up the hill and the first thing I see is; there aren’t any curtains in the front window.  I resist the urge to walk up the drive way and peer in the window but then I see a Notice taped in the window.  A Notice wouldn’t be posted if the Poster didn’t want it read, right?  Spine tingling, I indulge my curiosity and peer into the window.  The house is well maintained but all I see is white carpet and white walls.  I suppose that’s a good choice for selling a house but it’s not very interesting.  I read the Notice because, after all, that’s what I’m there for.  The house has been winterized and I wonder what all that entails.  I did temp work for a commercial HVAC company so I can guess.  I head down the driveway pleased at my boldness.  Peering into the windows of an empty house is something my mother would do while I stand on the sidewalk and pray no one sees.  Now, I am pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone.  Blog Challenge Met!  Still, I wonder if anyone has noticed the 5 foot 9 inch redhead casing the joint.  I admit; I may increase my pace a bit as I leave that house behind.

The house next door catches my attention.  I have been admiring beautifully landscaped lawns, breathing the scents of flowers I can’t name (which is prompting me to buy a botanical reference when I next have a Barnes & Noble coupon), and wondering how my neighbors keep their grass looking so lush and green.  We have tried everything: aerating, grass seed, you name it.  The grass will grow in patches or not at all.  This is the year we throw in the towel and xeriscape.  I’m partial to cactus but I don’t think my family is going for it.  We have managed to coax along a honey locust.  It sprouted lovely gold leaves this spring but our lawn has a long way to go before it rivals some I’m seeing.  But, back to the house I’m standing in front of.  This house has no landscaping at all.  Grass stops at a white walkway and I am staring at two stone lions flanking a bay window.  They stare back at me, mouths agape, and each has one paw raised.  The lions are unblemished white which I find interesting.  It’s like the pigeons in our neighborhood haven’t dared to do their business on them.  And rightfully so.  The house itself is bright blue with white trim.  The whole effect is stark and yet the lions feel like whimsical touch: they’re too small to be anything else despite their growling mien.  I glance up and see an arched window done in blue and purple stained glass.  Another whimsical touch.  All in all, I like the effect and I’m curious about the house’s inhabitants.  Why the lions?

I see lions again on the next block but these sit ramrod straight, both paws firmly on the ground as they flank the steps to the porch, and I wonder if they were chosen for their pigeon-proof coloring.  I am struck with an urge to have my own pair of lions although, now that I think of it, gargoyles or dragons would be better.

I don’t remember if I’ve ever walked down this street before.  I’m not usually one for walking in my neighborhood.  I have a pass to the reservoir not five minutes from my house where I can walk on an unpaved trail, listen to the call of the birds, the wind in the trees, and the sound of the water.  I can hear the wind in the trees as I walk and I find I like that about my neighborhood.  It’s older, so the houses are unique rather than being cookie-cutter images of each other, and the trees are established.  There are all sorts of trees.  One hangs branches laden with deep red-purple leaves over the sidewalk.  I’m so tall I have to be careful not to impale myself and I resist an urge to pluck a spray of leaves from the branches.  I’m here to observe, not vandalize my neighbor’s tree.

I’m used to seeing privacy fences and one neighbor doesn’t have one.  The sudden open space is startling and I feel a little like a voyeur as I stare at the swing set in the back yard.  My neighborhood is rabbit friendly:  I’ve been seeing them regularly on this walk and there are five of them in this yard.  Only one sees me and flattens himself-or herself-into the grass.  I find myself wishing I might see a fox.  Not that I wish the rabbits any harm but it would be nice to see something besides rabbits and crows on my walk.

I have seen people, usually in pairs.  None of them act like they notice me and I don’t call greetings to anyone.  It feels strange to walk passed another human being without acknowledging his presence.  When I’m at the reservoir, we walkers and runners always greet each other.  Is it because these are our homes?  Safe spaces, and we don’t want to let a stranger in?  I don’t know.  But, while I don’t speak to anyone I encounter, I wonder about them.  There’s a man standing in his garage.  I estimate his age to be between 70 and 75.  He doesn’t turn as I walk by.  I don’t see any lights in any windows.  Does he live alone?  Is he a widower?  If so, does he have neighbors that check on him?  Not that his straight figure looks like it needs checking on.  His posture makes me check mine.  I square my shoulders and continue down the hill.

I’m amazed at how many garage doors are thrown open and there aren’t any people to be seen.  I hear about robberies all the time on the news but no one in my neighborhood seems concerned.  Maybe they all know each other and have no need for concern.  I see a sign for a community sale posted on the mail boxes and I am delighted. It looks like they do know each other.   I’ll have to check it out.  Hopefully someone will be selling books.

I pass a house with a pick-up and SUV parked next to each other in the driveway.  They are both taupe and match each other and the house perfectly.  I wonder if paint chips were taken to the dealership in order to choose matching cars and chastise myself for being snarky.  I then notice an electric blue motorcycle and bright orange boat in the garage and remind myself not to make snap judgments.  See, I think, they like color after all.  

I am a little surprised at the wealth I see around me.  These houses are massive compared to our ranch style and I have yet to see a car more than ten years old.  A couple drives passed me in a silver Audi that probably costs more than I make in a year.  The manicured lawns and immaculate landscaping are eye-catching but there is something off.  Moments later, I realize what it is; the traffic noise is no longer in the background on this street.  It’s loud enough that I can distinguish engines as they pass.  One particularly loud vehicle passes and my mind fills with the picture of a moving van.  Despite the beauty, the yard work, and the guardian lions, I wouldn’t want to live on this street.  It isn’t peaceful and I’m ready to go home.  I pass a house that seems to act as a line of demarcation between this street and mine:  a shirtless boy in camouflage pants stares at me as I walk by.  The entire lower half of his face is covered with a foam mask and, in another second, I smell why.  The thick fumes of spray paint sting my sinuses and lay heavy in the back of my throat.  I cough a little but I want to laugh as well.  Less than ten steps and I feel like I’m in another world.

There are no immaculate lawns or expensive cars here.  The Orange Lady’s garage door needs scraped and painted.  I’ll have to offer to do that for her this summer if her son doesn’t get to it.  He probably will.  A snowy day has yet to pass before he and his wife show up to shovel the driveway and front walk.  There is a picture propped in her window.  I didn’t see that before.  I don’t know what it’s of: all I see is the back and it has molded.  It needs to be discarded for both sanitary and aesthetic reasons but it feels familiar in a way all that careful perfection did not.  I even smile at the car collection that belongs to the neighbor living next door to the Orange Lady.  He owns at least twelve cars and none of them qualify for the epithet “collectible”.  No doubt I’ll be annoyed at the sheer number of cars again, especially when visitors can’t find a place to park, but in this moment they belong too.  I smile at the kids standing in front of the camper propped on bricks on front of the house two doors up.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen that camper move and I’m very careful when I drive by it: there’s a small child belonging to that family who has a tendency to run out from behind that camper like cars aren’t heavy.

I wonder if all this feels familiar because these are the people whose names I know.  The man with the cars lost both a wife and a son.  We’re working on the front room.  Once it’s done I’ll invite him for dinner.  The man living next to us also recently lost his wife.  She struggled for years with a bi-polar disorder.  She could be annoying when her medication wasn’t working: she’d sing a cat commercial jingle at the top of her lungs, her voice echoing around the neighborhood, until the rest of us were crazy.  And yet, I’ve never met someone who could grow lilacs and cherry blossoms like she could.  She enjoyed beautiful things so, again, there was so much more to her than was visible on the surface.  I wasn’t able to attend her funeral, but my parents went and they told me how the rest of the neighborhood was there.  We all watch and make sure her husband is okay.

I greet our spindly honey locust and start up the driveway to my front door.  This has been an interesting experience.  It may be one I’ll have to repeat.  Maybe I should substitute some of my reservoir walks with neighborhood walks.  Maybe I would get to learn people’s names, maybe I would call hello and smile.  Maybe I need to take another look and see the layers.

(The photo isn’t in my neighborhood but it is in my state!  I took it at Gross Reservoir in Boulder years ago.  That’s a wonderful place to walk if anyone gets a chance.)

Share this:

  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Tweet
  • Email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Share on Tumblr
Like Loading...
← Older posts
Newer posts →

Categories

Featured Posts

Isaiah 45:7

When Tradition and I Part Ways

Keep reading
Kate's avatar by Kate November 28, 2022April 28, 2024
Gospel and Letters of John

A New Heart

Keep reading
Kate's avatar by Kate December 7, 2020March 14, 2021
Studies

The Way He Has Made

Keep reading
Kate's avatar by Kate August 7, 2023August 6, 2023

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 210 other subscribers
Follow Renaissance Woman on WordPress.com

Follow Me on Facebook

Follow Me on Facebook

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Renaissance Woman
    • Join 169 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Renaissance Woman
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

You must be logged in to post a comment.

    %d