The Sower came to sow His seed In the field assigned to me We would now put to the test My preparation of the ground. I was sure results would exceed Expectations and I'd see My field yield the very best Grain that could be found. By harvest I had to concede The books I'd read so avidly And followed all they did suggest Their advice had proved unsound.
The Sower came and I did plead Not to judge me too harshly Instead to please heed my request Help me make my field renowned. The Sower said He could indeed Prepare the ground and guarantee A harvest that would be so blessed It could feed everyone around. He'd clear all that would impede The growth and health and beauty Of the seed He would invest The harvest would abound.
At my word He would proceed To help me clear all the debris From the field which He possessed The care of which confounded Me-All I could ever need Was available and He Would see I was not distressed Instead the yield would dumfound Me-Following His lead I can see He's spoken truly It is His ability expressed To Him alone let all praise resound!
In the sixth chapter of Ephesians, the Apostle Paul describes the Whole Armor of God. In verse 14, we read; “Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth…” The truth with which we gird our waists is Jesus Christ Himself and I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking about how the truth He is manifests in our lives.
I had a minor surgical procedure last week. It was minor but did still require a few days recovery so I had no opportunity to complete the study I had planned. I thought about skipping this week’s post but I have been pondering truth over the last several days so thought I would share some of my conclusions.
I have been thinking of the truth that is Jesus Christ in terms of healing. If there is one subject I wish I understood, it is the healing that is supposedly ours in Christ Jesus. I say “supposedly” because I look for my healing to be manifested in my body to no avail. I am now going through my third round of tests and it is looking like another surgery is in my near future. I would love for all of my health problems to miraculously go away and would especially love to never have surgery again. But, that doesn’t appear to be how the Holy Spirit is at work in my body.
There is a passage in Isaiah 53:5 which I have heard often quoted as proof that our healing is found in Jesus: “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement of our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” This passage does seem to be straight forward: by His stripes we are healed. What is the answer then, if we are not healed? Even as I sit and write this, I am in so much pain it takes my breath away. What is the truth of Jesus Christ in the midst of my circumstances right now? What is the truth about healing when everything I feel at this moment tells me I am not at all healed?
I have to say, I don’t have an answer.
There is so much I don’t understand. My family and I subscribe to the Guideposts and I have read a couple of different stories by the same woman. This woman lived the majority of her life with painful growths on her face. She endured pain and shame and multiple procedures only to have the growths come back until the day came she experienced a miraculous healing. You’d think that would be the end of it but the latest story this woman shared was about experiencing an entirely new health problem that had her shuttling from one waiting room to another as various doctors conducted tests. She doesn’t understand why she was healed then and not now but her eyes were opened to see her fellow human beings sitting with her in the waiting room. She began to wonder about them and their suffering and asked for ways to touch their lives which is a prayer God answered.
I have only had one experience of miraculous healing. My right arm was damaged in my car accident and so my left arm has had to compensate a great deal over the years. A few years ago, I had burning pain in the muscles of my left side. The pain reached from my collarbone all the way to my hip and any movement of my left arm caused considerable agony. With both arms out of commission, I was looking at a severe diminishment of what mobility I had left. During this time, I felt it was important to be part of an online prayer group. I wasn’t sure why but I chose to be obedient to what I believed the Holy Spirit was telling me. I had attended for days wondering what in the world I was doing when, one afternoon, the host of the prayer group stopped his prayer and began praying for healing. He prayed for another person who shared my name and then prayed for healing for all disabled people. At that moment, the pain melted out of my collarbone and shoulder, down my left side, and out of my body. It has never returned.
I did not experience any healing in my right arm. None of the other injuries resulting from my car accident were healed at that same time. Later that year, I had my second surgery and I am now looking at a third. Why? Why heal the pain in my left arm and not anything else? Why heal that woman’s growths and yet not heal whatever health situation she is now experiencing? I don’t know.
I do know the Greek word aletheia which is translated as “truth” means truth, sometimes faithfulness. Aletheia is related to alethes which means true, sincere, real, correct, faithful, trustworthy, genuine, and veracious. I know all of these words are an accurate description of Jesus Christ who does not ever leave us or forsake us. I know He is with us, inside of our circumstances, experiencing them with us, no matter what our circumstances might be.
His presence is with me through all of this in a tangible way. As I said, there is so much I don’t understand-especially about healing-but I have experienced Jesus Christ as my very life enough to know that He is with me no matter what I have to go through. I trust His revelation to Isaiah is still true today and pertains to me: by His stripes I am healed. I trust Him enough that I don’t have any expectations as to what healing looks like. I know what I would prefer but, if it comes to another surgery, I know I won’t go through it alone.
I don’t have an answer on how to receive your healing from God. I wish I did. What I do have is an unshakable conviction that Jesus Christ dwells in each one of us going through our circumstances with us and has made a way through them for each of us. With this in mind, I’ll close with a story from last week’s procedure.
I mentioned the story from the Guideposts and how the woman began to seek for ways to reach those sharing the waiting room with her. I had that in mind as I entered a waiting room of my own. There was an exchange of smiles but no opening for starting a conversation with anyone. I wasn’t in the waiting room long before an administrator called me aside and said my surgeon had been called away on an emergency. They could either reschedule my procedure or I could wait two hours on the chance the surgeon would be able to return.
Now, anyone who has undergone surgery knows the truly unpleasant preparation required the day before. I had made it through hours of unpleasant prep. I had been hours with no food or drink. The last thing I wanted to do was reschedule and have to undergo all of it again. Plus, there was a timing issue. I needed to get this surgery out of the way because I already had Doctor’s appointments scheduled for an entirely different health problem I was certain would result in another surgery and I wanted to put as much time between undergoing anesthetic as possible. I elected to wait.
I wasn’t kept in the waiting room long. The nurses came to get me and brought me to a curtained off section of room where I got to change into the oh-so-comfortable gown and hair net. They prepped me as much as they could but I did have a two and a half hour wait before they knew for certain my procedure was going to go forward. I was uncomfortable. It was not easy to find a position on the narrow bed where I was not in pain. I also knew I had a choice.
I could hear the nurses making calls to all of the patients scheduled after me. I could hear them apologizing for a situation that was entirely out of everyone’s control. I could hear how stressed out they were as they asked each other if anyone had heard from the surgeon and knew what was going to happen. I was a bit stressed myself. My family had their own appointments they needed to keep that day and I couldn’t know whether my decision to wait was the correct one. ‘What if” questions kept turning over in my mind and I didn’t have answers. I did know I wasn’t alone and I chose to trust whatever was happening affected us both and would be turned to my benefit. I did not have to add to the nurses’ stress with questions or complaints of my own. I relaxed as much as I could under the warm blankets the nurses gave me and trusted God loved me and would take care of me.
He did. I came through the procedure with no problems. I had no nausea from the anesthetic which I have to say is a miracle. The delay meant the timing of the day was perfect. My family received the call that I was finished just as they were wrapping up their own appointments so they didn’t have to be stressed out either.
I would of course prefer all my of my health problems would just go away. And yet, I have another experience of the God who is love carrying me through a difficult circumstance. I have another Doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I face it without fear because I know that, whatever happens, God loves me and will take care of me.
That is the truth I know. Maybe you are in a situation where you need a miracle-whether healing or something else-but you aren’t seeing it. I don’t have an answer for you. I wish I did. What I do know is our God is closer to us than our very breath. He dwells inside of us and there isn’t anything that happens to us that doesn’t also happen to Him. He is on the inside of our circumstance and is not idle: He is working all things for our good. Perhaps it will be the miracle we long for. Perhaps it will be His presence during a recovery. Whatever it is we face, He is faithful. Let us trust Him and take the next step.
Unless noted otherwise, all Scriptures are quoted from The Holy Bible, New King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1982
References
Brown, Colin, The New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology, Volume 3, Regency Reference Library, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1967, 1971, Page 874
Strong, James, LL.D., S.T.D., The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1990
Welcome, All, to Renaissance Woman and the post that almost didn’t happen!
I did NOT feel like writing this week. I love words but I find them utterly useless at times, especially when I am at my most vulnerable and emotions are raw. Better to wait until the experience is over and it can be considered in a less emotional light. There are few Christian teachers who speak of their experience while still going through it. Most testimonies are after the fact, shared from the other side of the experience. These testimonies-knowing how someone got through their experience-are valuable and I am grateful for those willing to share. However, there are times where these same testimonies can feel like a dash of cold water. I wonder if a testimony shouldn’t be the testifier crawling to the front of the room, screaming until he or she runs out of breath, and then stating, “But, in Christ…”
I am not on the other side of my experiences. I have no idea what is going to happen in the upcoming days. I don’t know what sort of situation I am going to walk into. I can imagine them. The last few weeks have provided enough fodder for my imagination recognize very real possibilities of ruination and despair looming on the horizon. Will the clouds gathering be ones bringing storms and chaos or will they dissipate into nothing? I don’t know. I do know I do not face impending storms alone or unarmed. I know Jesus Christ. I have a past full of situations and experiences where He has proved Himself faithful. Why then, do I still struggle? Why have there been moments over these past weeks where I have dissolved into tears?
To answer that, I return to my recent study on obedience. Hebrews 5:8 states that Jesus, “though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.” The Greek word translated as “obedience” in this passage means “attentive hearkening, compliance, submission, to listen attentively, to hear under as a subordinate, to heed or conform to command or authority”. I think about Jesus having to learn to hear the voice of His Father. I think about the words “compliance” and “submission” and I imagine Jesus having to choose to listen to what His Father was saying. I think about the words “heed” and “conform” and I imagine Jesus having to not only hear and choose but then do those things the Father was saying. God has not been silent in the things I have suffered over the past weeks. My problem is He hasn’t been saying what I want to hear. “Let this cup pass from me,” is my cry. My Father’s answer is “no” and then He sends me Romans 5:1-5:
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” “In the world you will have tribulation,” my Lord and Savior says, “but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (see John 16:33). He also says “lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (see Matthew 28:20).
This is not what I want to hear. I am tired. I am in pain. I do not want to glory in any tribulations. I do not want perseverance or character produced in me. I want Him to make all my difficulties go away. The fact that His answer is “I will go with you,” means I still have to go through the difficulties and there have been moments where I have broken down and cried. I am not ashamed of having done so because Jesus also cried. Hebrews 5 speaks of the necessity of a high priest needing to “have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness.” This chapter describes Jesus as “a priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death…”
“Vehement cries and tears”. I find that beautiful. He does not scorn me for my having cried. He knows tears. He knows what it is like to receive a “no” from His Father. He had to learn obedience. And, being perfected, He is the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him. What does salvation look like in each specific difficulty? I don’t know. I don’t have any idea what Jesus is going to do and that is incredibly hard. If He’d just tell me exactly how He was going to bring me through…
Exodus 14:13 says, “Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord.” Moses speaks these words when the Israelites find themselves in dire straits. Death is certain whether at the hands of the Egyptians or in the depths of the sea. Did any one of them imagine the waters of the sea would part for them? The scriptures certainly appears to answer with a resounding “no!” Did Daniel expect an angel would come and shut the mouths of the ravening lions? This story is told from the king’s perspective and he certainly believed Daniel’s God could save him from the lions but the story makes it clear the king wasn’t sure if Daniel’s God would. Daniel 6:18 describes the king spending the night sleepless and fasting and verse 20 records him asking, “…has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to deliver you from the lions?”
I find a similar thought in the answer Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego gave to a different king. Facing death (a fiery one this time), they say; “…our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.” These two stories show an unshakable belief in that God can deliver His people from any situation, but there is still the question of will He? I would add what form can we expect that deliverance to take?
I do not expect to face death in the upcoming week so am not seeking to be dramatic. I have the same questions though as I face difficulties that can’t be ignored. I know our God is able to deliver me but will He and what form will that deliverance take? I don’t know. He doesn’t say. His assurance is that He is with me.
There has been another facet to my experiences I feel it’s important to address. The enemy has not ceased his attacks during these times. If anything, I feel as if they’ve intensified. I cannot stress too often how the battlefield is in our minds. The Accuser sought to bring me down using my own thoughts. “Hath God said,” didn’t work because I know the Voice of my Shepherd and yes, He hath said indeed. So, the enemy used another tack. “We don’t deserve the love of God…” I had heard a Christian teacher say. The enemy picked up on the word “deserve” and the onslaught began. My thoughts were something like this: “You can’t expect deliverance. In fact, you should expect bad things to happen to you because you’ve sinned in the past and your sins have hurt people. The Bible says, ‘if you sow the wind, you will reap the whirlwind’ and that is what you should expect. Oh, He will go with you certainly but He won’t deliver you because you don’t deserve it.”
The rest of the Christian teacher’s quote was “He loves us, not because we deserve it, but because He is love” which was something the enemy left out. The only way to combat these attacks is with words and in these instances words are critical. “It is written!” was the battle tactic Jesus Himself used when facing the Adversary in the wilderness. It is written, because I am in Christ I am a new creation: old things have passed away and behold! all things have become new. Love keeps no record of wrongs. As far as the east is from the west, is how far my transgressions have been removed from me. Nothing can separate me from His love. Jesus was delivered up because of my offenses but was raised because of my justification. I am justified by faith and have peace with God through my Lord Jesus Christ.
I still have no idea what the next days hold for me. It could be storms and chaos or it could be the things I have feared never come upon me. I know I am not alone. I know He is Faithful and True. I know He has promised never to leave nor forsake me. I know He has promised there is nothing that can take me out of His hand. I know that He will work everything for my good because I love Him and am called according to His purpose. I know I will emerge on the other side more conformed to His image than I am now.
I will close with this: “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” (Psalm 34:4-8).
Note: The passages quoted in my “It is written!” reply are 2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Psalm 103:12, Romans 8:31-39, and Romans 4:25-5:1
Unless noted otherwise, all Scriptures are quoted from The Holy Bible, New King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1982
References
Strong, James, LL.D., S.T.D., The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville Tennessee, 1990
I’m taking a brief break from my study for this week’s post. I had a busy work week and couldn’t devote the study time my subject deserves. Instead, I am sharing a poem I wrote some years ago (reworked a bit for this post). I was reminded of it as I have conducted this study and especially as I have seen the Greek word translated “obedience” means “attentive listening”. Hearing the Voice of God, knowing that He is revealing Himself, is wonderous. I can remember when He began to teach me about Himself some 20 years ago. There was a period of time when all I could do was marvel that the God I had learned about was real and alive and talking to me. He wasn’t some artifact I went to a museum called “church” to reminisce about nor was the Bible a textbook used to study Him like a specimen.
However, not everyone responds to God’s revelation of Himself in the same way at the same time (See 1 Corinthians 15:20-23). Trusting and following after the revelation we receive can be lonely and even painful when those we wish to have close relationships with aren’t seeing the same things we are. It can feel.
Except…He will never leave us nor forsake us. His Spirit lives in us and it isn’t possible for us to ever be alone. It’s important to test everything because not every spirit is from God (1 John 4:1-5) but God isn’t out to trick you: He is patient and He is kind and He will confirm His word to you. If the time ever comes when you have to rise up and walk in the light you have been given and no one else will walk with you, know you do not so alone. God Himself goes with you and in you and there are many of us already outside the camp (Hebrews 13:13). I hope this poem both blesses and encourages you all.
Outside the Camp I am one of many sheep at rest The others are asleep, I think I alone lie here, distressed The Voice won't let me sleep a wink. Come out! Come out! Come out to me! Abandon the darkness and the damp! Oh, the song I will sing to thee My life is warmth: my word a lamp! The other sheep all laugh at me They all have heard the calling too "The voice is that of the enemy A wolf who will devour you". The Voice does not make me scared He assures me I won't be alone But I don't know if I'm prepared To go outside on my own. I can already hear His song I'm sure His Voice is one I know Something so beautiful can't be wrong Oh, does no one else desire to go? There is not one who'll go with me They all say I've been led astray If it's devoured I'm to be So be it. He calls. I must obey.
I felt I ought to do something special to celebrate the milestone so, this week, I am taking a break from my study on the Whole Armor of God and posting a poem.
This poem flowed out of an odd week where I felt constantly off-kilter. Nothing extreme happened: things I used to enjoy reading suddenly bothered me and others I wouldn’t have given a second thought were now a bother. I wondered why I was feeling the way I was and also whether or not I ought to be feeling as I was so spent as much time as I could in prayer and meditation. I realized it wasn’t so much a question of ought so much as familiar things and/or things I would not have thought twice about years ago, either no longer resonated with me or-as was true in some instances-were causing dissonance in me.
The Apostle Paul speaks of “putting away childish things” (1 Corinthians 3:11) and I have never known with absolute certainty just what he meant. This has always been one of those “yes, but…” scriptures for me: if Jesus says we must be as little children but then Paul says to put away childish things…I’m confused…
I can’t go into depth in this post and so, briefly, I wonder if Paul wasn’t talking about those things we used to enjoy or at least never gave a second thought but which do not contain the life of Christ in them and now have no place in our New Creation Lives. This poem is my attempt to express how this last week has felt.
Enjoy my 201st post!
Harmony & Dissonance A walker in two worlds am I While I still dwell under a darkened sky I am translated into a kingdom so high Above all I could think or dream
Various fruits are offered to me I need the Holy Spirit to help me see Which fruit will bring me to the reality Of life in His living stream
Because they all look good to my naked eye It's only by tasting each one that I Can tell which is truth and which filled with the lie That brings only ruin and blight
From deep inside the He enables me To discern which fruit comes from the Tree of Life and brings me to harmony With Jesus who floods me with light
Light He is and the very life in my veins As His realm waxes this one wanes I cannot abide what doesn't echo the strains Of the music that flows from His heart
Renaissance Woman 
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