Welcome, All, to Renaissance Woman and the post that almost didn’t happen!

I did NOT feel like writing this week.  I love words but I find them utterly useless at times, especially when I am at my most vulnerable and emotions are raw.  Better to wait until the experience is over and it can be considered in a less emotional light.  There are few Christian teachers who speak of their experience while still going through it.  Most testimonies are after the fact, shared from the other side of the experience.  These testimonies-knowing how someone got through their experience-are valuable and I am grateful for those willing to share.  However, there are times where these same testimonies can feel like a dash of cold water.  I wonder if a testimony shouldn’t be the testifier crawling to the front of the room, screaming until he or she runs out of breath, and then stating, “But, in Christ…”

I am not on the other side of my experiences.  I have no idea what is going to happen in the upcoming days.  I don’t know what sort of situation I am going to walk into.  I can imagine them.  The last few weeks have provided enough fodder for my imagination recognize very real possibilities of ruination and despair looming on the horizon.  Will the clouds gathering be ones bringing storms and chaos or will they dissipate into nothing?  I don’t know.  I do know I do not face impending storms alone or unarmed.  I know Jesus Christ.  I have a past full of situations and experiences where He has proved Himself faithful.  Why then, do I still struggle?  Why have there been moments over these past weeks where I have dissolved into tears?

To answer that, I return to my recent study on obedience.  Hebrews 5:8 states that Jesus, “though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.”  The Greek word translated as “obedience” in this passage means “attentive hearkening, compliance, submission, to listen attentively, to hear under as a subordinate, to heed or conform to command or authority”.  I think about Jesus having to learn to hear the voice of His Father.  I think about the words “compliance” and “submission” and I imagine Jesus having to choose to listen to what His Father was saying.  I think about the words “heed” and “conform” and I imagine Jesus having to not only hear and choose but then do those things the Father was saying.  God has not been silent in the things I have suffered over the past weeks.  My problem is He hasn’t been saying what I want to hear.  “Let this cup pass from me,” is my cry.  My Father’s answer is “no” and then He sends me Romans 5:1-5:

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  “In the world you will have tribulation,” my Lord and Savior says, “but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (see John 16:33).  He also says “lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (see Matthew 28:20). 

This is not what I want to hear.  I am tired.  I am in pain.  I do not want to glory in any tribulations.  I do not want perseverance or character produced in me.  I want Him to make all my difficulties go away.  The fact that His answer is “I will go with you,” means I still have to go through the difficulties and there have been moments where I have broken down and cried.  I am not ashamed of having done so because Jesus also cried.  Hebrews 5 speaks of the necessity of a high priest needing to “have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness.”  This chapter describes Jesus as “a priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death…” 

“Vehement cries and tears”.  I find that beautiful.  He does not scorn me for my having cried.  He knows tears.  He knows what it is like to receive a “no” from His Father.  He had to learn obedience.  And, being perfected, He is the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.  What does salvation look like in each specific difficulty?  I don’t know.  I don’t have any idea what Jesus is going to do and that is incredibly hard.  If He’d just tell me exactly how He was going to bring me through…

Exodus 14:13 says, “Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord.”  Moses speaks these words when the Israelites find themselves in dire straits.  Death is certain whether at the hands of the Egyptians or in the depths of the sea.  Did any one of them imagine the waters of the sea would part for them?  The scriptures certainly appears to answer with a resounding “no!”  Did Daniel expect an angel would come and shut the mouths of the ravening lions?  This story is told from the king’s perspective and he certainly believed Daniel’s God could save him from the lions but the story makes it clear the king wasn’t sure if Daniel’s God would.  Daniel 6:18 describes the king spending the night sleepless and fasting and verse 20 records him asking, “…has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to deliver you from the lions?” 

I find a similar thought in the answer Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego gave to a different king.  Facing death (a fiery one this time), they say; “…our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king.  But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”  These two stories show an unshakable belief in that God can deliver His people from any situation, but there is still the question of will He?  I would add what form can we expect that deliverance to take?

I do not expect to face death in the upcoming week so am not seeking to be dramatic.  I have the same questions though as I face difficulties that can’t be ignored.  I know our God is able to deliver me but will He and what form will that deliverance take?  I don’t know.  He doesn’t say.  His assurance is that He is with me. 

There has been another facet to my experiences I feel it’s important to address.  The enemy has not ceased his attacks during these times.  If anything, I feel as if they’ve intensified.  I cannot stress too often how the battlefield is in our minds.  The Accuser sought to bring me down using my own thoughts.  “Hath God said,” didn’t work because I know the Voice of my Shepherd and yes, He hath said indeed.  So, the enemy used another tack.  “We don’t deserve the love of God…” I had heard a Christian teacher say.  The enemy picked up on the word “deserve” and the onslaught began.  My thoughts were something like this: “You can’t expect deliverance.  In fact, you should expect bad things to happen to you because you’ve sinned in the past and your sins have hurt people.  The Bible says, ‘if you sow the wind, you will reap the whirlwind’ and that is what you should expect.  Oh, He will go with you certainly but He won’t deliver you because you don’t deserve it.”

The rest of the Christian teacher’s quote was “He loves us, not because we deserve it, but because He is love” which was something the enemy left out.  The only way to combat these attacks is with words and in these instances words are critical. “It is written!” was the battle tactic Jesus Himself used when facing the Adversary in the wilderness.  It is written, because I am in Christ I am a new creation: old things have passed away and behold! all things have become new.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  As far as the east is from the west, is how far my transgressions have been removed from me. Nothing can separate me from His love.  Jesus was delivered up because of my offenses but was raised because of my justification.  I am justified by faith and have peace with God through my Lord Jesus Christ.

I still have no idea what the next days hold for me.  It could be storms and chaos or it could be the things I have feared never come upon me.  I know I am not alone.  I know He is Faithful and True.  I know He has promised never to leave nor forsake me.  I know He has promised there is nothing that can take me out of His hand.  I know that He will work everything for my good because I love Him and am called according to His purpose. I know I will emerge on the other side more conformed to His image than I am now.

I will close with this:  “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.  They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed.  This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them.  Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” (Psalm 34:4-8).

Note: The passages quoted in my “It is written!” reply are 2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Psalm 103:12, Romans 8:31-39, and Romans 4:25-5:1

Unless noted otherwise, all Scriptures are quoted from The Holy Bible, New King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1982

References

Strong, James, LL.D., S.T.D., The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville Tennessee, 1990